Preparing for the biggest move of our life

bellevie

A little less emotional today, work was fine.

No savings made, infact I went under my £100 'minimum balance' rule - I don't have an overdraft so I try to keep £100 minimum as a safety net.

Transferred some money from my savings to cover it, and I will move it back again when I am paid next week.

Not expecting any bills out now until payday so I should be ok.

Orange_Ena

bellevie wrote: »

£2 spent today in Greggs, I did bring a mugshot but was tempted on my lunch time walk.

A testing day at work today, things are chaotic because of the restructure motivation is down, people are to be honest taking advantage not doing their fair share, on top of that badly organised meetings pulling resources from already stretched area, I couldn't get hold of anyone I needed to which was very frustrating when I was the person speaking to clients who needed miracles but I just couldn't get the job done!

I'm already feeling a little emotional without work so I was close to being pushed to my limit today.

Its 2 years this month that my mum passed away. Today exactly 2 years back was the last conversation we had. I play the conversation over and over again - it was a good, normal every day mother daughter conversation, but what I could have said if I had known that just over a week later she would be dead, or should I have known? Did she know? Why wouldn't she tell me?

I remember her clearly wrapping up that call saying, don't ring me, I will ring you in the week. She didn't, and what with working it wasn't until the day she died whilst at work that it occurred to me I hadn't heard from her. I planned in my head, written on the back of my hand to call her the second I got home before I left for the weekend as I was due to go away for my 30th.

I got home to an answer message from her long term partner, he was sobbing so hard, but didn't say what just that he needed to speak to me. I knew something bad had happened by his message alone but I just didn't expect it.

Even now, for 1, 2 seconds I'll forget, and go to pick up the phone or remind myself to update her DD's latest achievement, or my promotion, or the stupid car playing up. Then his words hit me, and all over again I am back there, she has gone.

Being in different countries to start with, so not able to see her weekly I just didn't expect the force of grief to hit me as it did. Such a hole in my heart, that 2 years later isn't any closer to being filled.

Ah bellevie, just wanted to offer you a virtual hug.

I lost my mum 21 years ago when I was 16. Just an awful time. I don't think people ever get over it grief like that and for me time isn't a great healer but I have learned to live with it. I do miss her and feel sad that I didn't know her as an adult. She was so lovely and so well thought of that I think we would have been great friends as well as mother and daughter. I still get upset now from time to time. I remember when I worked in a clothes shop years ago and a mum and daughter came in and they were laughing and joking and trying on clothes and it just set me off, I had to go and cry in the stockroom. I find myself jealous of friends that have still got their mums. I don't think that pain will ever go really but like I say, I've got used to it now.

Have you ever had counselling?

Wishing you well, take care x

bellevie

Orange_Ena wrote: »

Ah bellevie, just wanted to offer you a virtual hug.

Wishing you well, take care x

Thank you, and I am sorry for your loss, so young too, you must have had such strength to get through.

I haven't had counselling. Though I did lean on a very good friend for a fair few months afterwards which helped, not sure I would have got through it without them.
Already I am coping lot better than I was the first year, most of the time I keep it in then my thoughts come out as I am drifting off to sleep. I think its just the time of year bringing it all to the front.

I understand the envy, mine tends to hit me at work hearing people's plans for the weekend / holiday - even though I couldn't have got to my mum every weekend (money!) I cant help but wish it was me speaking about my weekend with my mum.

bellevie

Good, if a little sad day today.

We had a meal as a team, our last meal
Boss who I have to say was probably one of the best, fair and motivated bosses I have ever had is moving into another role in the company.
We now report to a supervisor, who has always been there but not had to do very much supervising due to the manager always being around. I am not sure what her managerial skills are like, but given time I am sure she will 'grow' into her role.

Within the next month 3 of our team members will move off into other roles they have secured through-out the company, leaving 4 of us. One is contracted til Christmas. That will then leave me & my colleague that have secured the remaining roles and 1 person who has opted for redundancy.

It's going to be crazily busy whilst the departments are set up which will be interesting!

Moving on, I have rediscovered ebay. I decided it would make my birthday 'treat' money aka the presents I buy myself on behalf of DD will go further second hand so I have been ebaying!

I got a really nice casual handbag from nxt for £5, its different shades of brown with some sequins and jewels around the pockets really pretty......then I got distracted by kids stuff, and that's my budget gone

Payday on Tuesday, assuming it hits my account as expected -I changed my bank details with work still feeling paranoid that something will go wrong! All being OK, I will be able to sign up for the rewards they are offering, and start building up a few pennies.

I left my emergency pot balance as it is as I need to make it up from this months wages, so not sure it will increase at all this side of Christmas, which is a little disappointing.

Orange_Ena

bellevie wrote: »

Thank you, and I am sorry for your loss, so young too, you must have had such strength to get through.

I haven't had counselling. Though I did lean on a very good friend for a fair few months afterwards which helped, not sure I would have got through it without them.
Already I am coping lot better than I was the first year, most of the time I keep it in then my thoughts come out as I am drifting off to sleep. I think its just the time of year bringing it all to the front.

I understand the envy, mine tends to hit me at work hearing people's plans for the weekend / holiday - even though I couldn't have got to my mum every weekend (money!) I cant help but wish it was me speaking about my weekend with my mum.

Thank you, had no choice but to get through it. People suffer losses everyday and have to find a way through however they can. It's horrible and I wouldn't wish it anyone.

I hope you have a good weekend

catriona79

Hello Bellevie. I've just been catching up on your diary while still in bed, with my morning coffee. Saturday mornings!
What a great read, and how motivational. Your relationship with your daughter sounds so great and fulfilling - very admirable with you juggling so many priorities. I often wonder how parents do this 5 day week and the homework and school drop offs.
So sad to read about yours and Ena's mums passing away. Big hugs.

I'll be back! X

bellevie

Thank you Catriona, I hope you enjoyed your coffee!

DD is my shinning star, I'm not sure I'd keep it together if it wasn't for her!

I will find your diary if you have one

Simply_Saving

Hi

I just came across your diary and I've thoroughly enjoyed reading it this morning so I'll definitely be subscribing.

It's nice to read a diary of another single mum in a similar position to myself. I have one daughter too who is about to turn 10 a few days before Christmas.

It sounds like you are doing an amazing job.

Natalie X

bellevie

Thank you Natalie!

It is a bit of a juggling act isn't it? It will be all worth it in the end I know!

I searched for your diary but couldn't find it, do post a link if you have one.

Bellevie x

bellevie

I downloaded YNAB for the free trial today. I am not sure for the minute how much I like it.

I am so used to my spreadsheet, listed like a bank statement, that can tell me months ahead if I will be in trouble.

I will persevere for the free trial at least and see how it corresponds to my real time bank balance - I have no overdraft I cant risk going overdrawn.

Better get a move on with this weeks washing, I have been ultra slow today, too busy being on here reading diaries!