Preparing for the biggest move of our life

bellevie

DD has settled well into her new school, its as though she has always been there!!

Im still adjusting to the size, its huge. I haven't got talking to any parents yet as when I drop her off she goes straight into class - they don't line up as they did at her other school, and I only ever collect from after school club because of work.

The travel is such a relief, Ive noticed petrol lasting that little bit longer.

LISA savings going on well, I have an automated £10 weekly transfer set up, then monthly as long as Ive budgeted well Im topping up as much as I can. Im still saving in the help to buy isa which has the better rate, I plan to make a transfer perhaps 6 monthly to top up my savings to the maximum LISA will allow to benefit from the Govt Contribution. Our neighbour has said she is thinking of selling up within the next 3 years to move away - it would be a dream if we could save up enough of a deposit to stay put. DP has started to take on a little extra work here and there, sticking to larger jobs to make it worth his while after tax, I haven't got that option any over time is claimed back in time so I keep trying to find ways to keep our living costs low. Grocery is my main focus, DP eats like a horse, I swear he is never full. Its such a shock to go from struggling to get through a loaf of bread in 4-5 days to needing to replace it every 1-2 days. Needless to say, I have downgraded on bread brands :money:


We moved to a water meter, our bill is due this month, it hopefully wont be too much longer then I can see if it has made the difference I expected it to.


Not much more to update, our focus at the minute remains on saving :T

bellevie

We had our little holiday where DP met the last couple of relatives he had to meet. It was such a lovely long weekend, I was in my element.


We got back, I started to feel not right the familiar feeling of pregnancy! I had a positive test, and for a couple of days we so happy, could not believe how much our lives have changed, and were going to change further.
I couldn't get a doctors appointment until today, but since yesterday I've started to spot. I know in my heart that its already over, and I'm dreading the next couple of weeks. I had a D&C 13 years ago, it was a traumatic experience after discovering no heart beat at around 13 weeks (delayed scan).
I'm not sure Id have the strength to go through that again so I'm willing my body to take over and do what it needs to do.
I feel terrible for DP, but I don't quite know how to support him when I'm just trying to keep it together myself.
I keep trying to think, that god its earlier, not late not really much chance to get excited and plan, but at the minute emotionally it seems to hurt just as much as it did all those years ago, I just don't understand it.

MeandO

I'm so sorry you're going through this bellevie. Look after yourself and take things easy. xx

RosaBernicia

So sorry Bellevie - hope you are both getting the support you need




Rosa xx

bellevie

Its going to drag out


I had a scan and bloods. Scan appeared to show a sac, but she listed it as a 'mass' in her notes 7mm, the Sister said its because it did not behave how a sac should behave. I didn't understand that at all, when she scanned on my belly she thought it was a sac, when she went internal it still looked like a sac and moved when the area around it was touched - maybe that's what she meant it shouldn't dent in? To be honest, Im surprised its even there, I had a usual monthly visit 3 weeks ago exactly when expected, I couldn't believe my eyes when I got a positive test.
Bloods came back today at 2590 hcg placing me at 5 weeks, the 7mm measurement if indeed a sac is also 5 weeks. The word 'mass' on her report straight away put cancer in my head, looking at ovarian cancer etc I barely slept. I know hormones will have a part to play in me over reacting but gosh I really freaked out.


They said they could have been mistaken that is was a sac, or a sac may have been burrowed between cysts etc, or we could be looking at eptopic pregnancy. I'm to return tomorrow & monday for repeat bloods and depending on those maybe a repeat scan on Sunday or Thursday. The sister said at this stage, her concern is eptopic if they cannot find a sac and levels keep raising.


I thought by bleeding my body was taking over, but it seems to have stopped since the scan, though she did have a massive dollop on the scanner which she didn't seem to inspect for any tissue etc.


I've been told to monitor for bleeding & pain and go to A&E if under any doubt. I know they are doing their jobs but my god I've been scared to move the past couple of days doing nothing but crying at the potential of what this 'mass' could be with things not fully being explained. Ive looking into possibilities as to why it could be described a 'mass' and not a sac, it literally left me feeling like my heads about to fall off. I only really calmed myself down today, remember when she probed it, it changed shape, therefore its not solid but fluid filled and in that case I finally felt relieved when I read cancers are usually firm lumps.


I'm still almost certain I've miscarried, with the amount of blood I lost I cant see it being everything else. I think I've cried enough the past few days over initially that and then the unexplained 'mass' thing to be able to deal relatively calmly with whatever happens next.

bellevie

Calm that famous last word. It turned out not to be a miscarriage but a live ectopic pregnancy. I felt pains and took myself off to A&E. Was seen after 4 hours and into theatre within minutes.
I was calm through shock and panic, but have been anything but since.
I returned home yesterday, since I returned I started on arnica which seems to have helped the healing along hugely, well physically at least.


Its going to be some time before I can quite get my head around what's happened.


One day at a time

Gemsy81

Just been reading through your diary and got to this last page....my goodness, you have been through it! Sending you lots of good wishes, and I hope you're feeling better soon.

RosaBernicia

Gosh you've been through it Bellevie - but glad you have answers and got the care you need. Sometimes the internet information avalanche isn't helpful.



Wishing you well


Rosa xx

bellevie

Thank you for your good wishes.


I was due to return to work today, but I knew end of last week I was no where near ready. I don't understand the logic, hospital said no driving for 2 weeks, but the certificate was only for 1 week - after emergency surgery and having to watch the decision to remove the little heart beating inside me, Im not sure how anyone is expected to be ready to return to work in 7 days physically or mentally.
They also counted 7 days from the Monday I was admitted to A&E not the Wednesday that they released me.


There seems to be very little help to cope emotionally afterwards, as soon as you are discharged its almost hands wiped. When I went to my doctors to ask for another week off 2 days after I was released from hospital, I was having quite a bad day probably my worst so far in terms of upset. It wasn't my usual doctor - but then again I've only met my own doctor twice so its not like he knows me. I wanted to ask for a referral to some sort of counselling service to allow me to work through my feelings. I didn't actually get the courage to do it at the appointment. The hospital notes hadn't come through, so I had to go through it from start to finish, he didn't hesitate in terms of the certificate, but asked me why I was so upset. I was so shocked at his question I really couldn't say much more.


Im a believer in homeopathy, and Bachs flower remedies so I'm trying to self heal really. I'm trying to keep my brain busy, increasing my walking everyday but still allowing myself to let it out when I need to, there is no other way to heal from this, I just need to process my feelings.


I felt sad for DP this fathers day, it should have been his first fathers day celebrating a pregnancy counting down until the first real scan, instead we were mourning a loss trying not to show too much infront of DD.
He has been pretty amazing, especially this week my emotions have been all over the place but his strength has been something I could not have done without.

RosaBernicia

oh dear. I'm sorry to hear that the GP's communication skills were rather lacking - and I'd suggest that when things are less immediate, you might want to write to the practice and explain that it was unhelpful so that hopefully they will organise info or training for their staff.



There are some charities and forums out there, I can't remember the name immediately but will ask someone.



Hugs and best wishes to you and your lovely DP




Rosa xx