Self esteem

LameWolf

I have struggled with low self-esteem all my life; all the therapy, self-help books, etc I have tried over the years have been to no avail, and I now just accept that I'm a useless lump of rubbish waiting patiently to die.

166million

Lame Wolf - what does your dog think?

LameWolf

Sadly, I don't have my own dog any more; my beloved Penny passed away in 2002. I still miss her.

It is impractical for me to have another dog of my own, as I have a chronic illness which could see me hauled into hospital with no notice, and my husband's job is an hour's commute each day, so were I hospitalised, the dog would be on it's own for 12 hours at a time, which is unacceptable.

166million

Aww, I'm sorry to hear that. I bet you gave her loads of love and a great life - so you are not a useless lump of rubbish.

Just looked at your user profile. I went to AW recently and met the wolves there - amazing!

LameWolf

The wolves really are fantastic, aren't they? It seems a cruel kind of irony that the illness I have is called lupus.:cool:

Maybe when Penny was with me I was of some small use; but as my health deteriorates, there are more and more things I can no longer do - including dressing myself - and that really gets to me. I used to be able to tackle anything; now it's only a matter of time til all I can do is be trundled into the lounge and plonked in front of daytime tv. *shudders*

I do thank you for your kind words, though, 166million.:o

My longer-term self-esteem issues stem from my parentage; being the daughter of a child-molester is grim.

gwen80

poorly_scammo wrote: »

OP, you need to ask yourself why you have low self esteem. If it is because of a troubled childhood then you need therapy (perhaps counselling, perhaps psychotherapy) to address this. Ditto unfaithful spouse, childhood bullying etc.

I'm afraid to say there really is no quick fix if your self esteem is on the floor and whilst self help books can be a good starting point, chronic esteem problems need professional help - exploring the reasons for your low confidence, emotional support and ways to improve your self esteem and establish boundaries (which some with low self esteem really have problems with and this becomes a cycle which continues to further erode self esteem)

Despite the above this book might be a good starting point: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Woman-Your-Own-Right-Assertiveness/dp/0704334208

Hi

I'm aware of a number of reasons why I have low self esteem. I have two parents with low self esteem, which even without any genetic influence, doesn't help to develop good self esteem.

My Mum always tried to instill 'good manners' into me, but in reality, a lot of the behaviour she classed as 'rude' was assertiveness. She effectively taught me to have no boundaries and to be incredibly passive. I think this must have been the way she was brought up.

My Dad and his family largely ignored me. My brother was treated like a prince, and whilst I don't think this came without problems, I was effectively invisible and irrelevant.

I have had a LOT of therapy and it has helped, but I'm not where I'd like to be.

Gwen

love_lifer

sorry to hear about your situation lamewolf. must be enormously frustrating and depressing for you.


have you considered a dog walker? I live alone and use one for when I work. its the perfect solution. my life is better with a dog in it.


op my self esteem fluctuates but is basically sh1te. I've got to the point now where all I can do is try to enjoy life and accept confident and perfect wont ever happen. but if they do, ace.

LameWolf

Thanks for your thoughts life lover.

I was fortunate enough to be in the right place at the right time to sign Mr LW and myself up as a host family for a dog-sitting service - home-from-home care for dogs who dislike kennels.

So we have other peoples' dogs staying with us while their own humans are away on their hols etc.

Should anything untoward happen to me, we just let the franchisee know, and he'd take me off the books til I was back to what passes for "normal".:o

Only criterion is all dogs I take have to be ok with a mobility buggy.

Dogs are great - they don't care if half your hair's fallen out, or your face has a lousy rotten butterfly rash on it, they love unconditionally.:T

Katiehound

Well I still have some self esteem issues- mine was the doormat variety! yes, that low and I traced it back to an abusive childhood (no real surprises because for most of us that is where it starts- mine was mental abuse.) It is still there but I refuse to let it takeover!

I had some counselling which unlocked the root of the problem. As an adult you are able to see that what you were told as a child was totally untrue but at that age you absorb everything like a sponge and believe it is gospel! I actually changed my name - not legally- I don't mean that- and asked my friends to use the new name. They struggle a bit! but when I meet new people I use the new name. It means that I kept all the attributes that I liked and ditched the person I used to be. It's a work in progress, I try hard to be positive about everything now.... about 6 years down the line since realisation.

I also have read loads of self help books and generally found one or two useful ideas.
I have a feeling that the low self esteem makes you more negative... you are so busy judging yourself (maybe wrongly) that you lose sight of what is positive, happy, good. It is far more and goes far deeper than a new haircut or new clothes, but saying that you are showing 'the world' a new you, so it is a positive move.

Listing your good points is helpful.
Ask a friend to tell you one positive thing about yourself every week (for as long as he/she can!) it can be something simple- like you always listen to me, you don't judge other people, you make me laugh etc..
A happiness diary is not exactly related to self esteem but it can lift your mood. Every night write down 3 things that have been positive that day. Again think simple- like sat outside in the sun reading my book or had a phonecall from a friend. It makes you end the day on a happy note.

Gwen, your signature on here is really important. You can't change the past.... it's there but you can change the future and how you think about yourself.... keep thinking and doing that.

Katiehound

LameWolf wrote: »

I have struggled with low self-esteem all my life; all the therapy, self-help books, etc I have tried over the years have been to no avail, and I now just accept that I'm a useless lump of rubbish waiting patiently to die.

Look, no one is a useless lump of rubbish. That's really sad that you are physically unable to have a dog anymore. Don't you have friends?- I'm sure you do. Ask them to tell you something nice about yourself.
Bet the wolves love you.

take care
Katiehound