Self esteem

gwen80

Hi

I'm looking for some advice. I've had low self esteem my entire life. I've tried hard to work on it - had therapy, counselling, read books. It is better than it was, but still not great.

Does anybody have any tips to improve this? Is there some other therapy I should try?

I'd love to really get a grip on this.

Thanks

Gwen

gwen80

Forgot to say, I have done some research online and the majority of articles say stuff like 'get a new haircut' or 'wear clothes that flatter you'... I've had counselling and thought that would help. It has a little, but nothing major.

KARO

I can recommend Melanie Fennell's overcoming low self-esteem course. It's available at most good libraries, and also on amazon. There's a CD of her talks and workbooks to work through at your own pace, as well as a book. You may find you need a professional therapist, depending on how deep-rooted your problems are, but for most people the course is very useful.

gwen80

Thanks. I'd heard of the book, but wasn't aware there was a course. Do you have a link?

KARO

Yes, here's the coursebooks (there are 3 parts)

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Low-Self-Esteem-Self-help-Course/dp/1845292375/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1438719084&sr=8-2&keywords=melanie+fennell

and here's the audio

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Low-Self-Esteem-Talks-Therapist/dp/1849010633/ref=sr_1_15?ie=UTF8&qid=1438719084&sr=8-15&keywords=melanie+fennell

gwen80

Thanks KARO!

donnac2558

I simple one which a friend does.

Stand in front of the mirror and say out loud, "I am gorgeous!" She does this everyday.

Starlet

I sometimes have low self-esteem but have never had any therapy or counselling, etc. I have skim-read books but never finished them (haha!). I have, however, done the following and found that it helped me. I have lost this book (please see below) somewhere in my bedroom, but I will still share this with you because I found that it helped me:

I bought a chunky little blank notebook (perhaps A7 size). This thing lived in my handbag and I carried it around with me so that I can have a quick look through it when I have a few minutes to myself, or if Im travelling on public transport (but making sure the person sitting next to me can't read what I've written!)

At the front of the book, I wrote things (as bullet points) which I like about myself, or anything positive which I have experienced in my day. (I dont write them as 'diary' entries because I dont want to view it as a chore and having to write every day, because that's not my aim.) I read through them and enjoy reading through them. Once, I wrote the numbers 1 - 100 with the idea of writing 100 different points I like about myself. For someone with low self-esteem, it is actually quite a difficult thing to do!

Also, If I come across any good thought processes which I have read elsewhere, then I will write it in my book as well. (I have found that it is all-well-and-good reading self-help books, etc, but when it comes to the crunch and Im faced with a problem, I have completely forgotten about the content of any books I've read, so that's the reason for also writing bullet points re. thought processes).

Since I always carry it around with me, Im able to write notes immediately after events have occurred (e.g. after a job interview). So I write notes such as, "When attending my next job interview, dont criticise myself or put myself down" etc etc. When I'm travelling on my way to a future job interview and look at that bullet point, it serves as a reminder and really does boost my self-esteem.

On the other side of the book, I turn the book upside down and write as if there's another book attached upside-down (I hope that made sense!) I use these pages at the back of the book to write bullet points of things / thoughts which always make me smile etc. of memories or even things which myself or others done at home / school / university / 10 years ago, etc.

poorly_scammo

OP, you need to ask yourself why you have low self esteem. If it is because of a troubled childhood then you need therapy (perhaps counselling, perhaps psychotherapy) to address this. Ditto unfaithful spouse, childhood bullying etc.

I'm afraid to say there really is no quick fix if your self esteem is on the floor and whilst self help books can be a good starting point, chronic esteem problems need professional help - exploring the reasons for your low confidence, emotional support and ways to improve your self esteem and establish boundaries (which some with low self esteem really have problems with and this becomes a cycle which continues to further erode self esteem)

Despite the above this book might be a good starting point: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Woman-Your-Own-Right-Assertiveness/dp/0704334208

KARO

donnac2558 wrote: »

I simple one which a friend does.

Stand in front of the mirror and say out loud, "I am gorgeous!" She does this everyday.

I am cringeing at the thought of that :rotfl:

Improving your self-esteem isn't about thinking you are God's Gift, it's having a balanced and realistic view of yourself. We all have good and bad attributes.

166million

I don't think getting a haircut, etc would be very helpful as that is not addressing the reasons you feel worthless in the first place.
Low self esteem is not really anything to do with what you look like.
I have read a book called Dealing with low self esteem and it takes you right back to your underlying beliefs about yourself and where you think those have come from. I still have the 'bottom line' statement going around my brain that I am 'worthless' but I don't tend to let it rule my life any more.

eta:
I think it is the book mentioned above actually