Gap in proceedings on Wedding Day

edited 28 July 2015 at 11:16PM in Weddings & Anniversaries
36 replies 5.1K views
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  • edited 27 July 2015 at 10:08AM
    firebird082firebird082 Forumite
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    edited 27 July 2015 at 10:08AM
    I am afraid to say that if I was invited to a wedding ceremony and evening do with that set up, and I had to travel 5 or 6 hours and stay 2 nights, there's no way I would be attending - and it implies that those invited who aren't 'close friends and family' are of little importance, and that the couple don't care enough about them to make it a day worth travelling for.

    I think your daughter really needs to re-think this. I also have have trouble standing for long periods, so we've organised our day with plenty of sitting spaces and time - it's hardly impossible, though obviously I don't know any other relevant medical details that might be affecting decisions. If you are paying, then they should at least be consulting you re how much of your money they are spending!!

    Edit: I'm sure it's possible, but normal times for church weddings are between 12:00 and 17:00, is she sure the church will agree to a morning wedding? Mine never even gave me that as a choice!
  • Birdie85Birdie85 Forumite
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    I personally wouldn't be impressed to have to travel so far to sit in on the ceremony then be left to my own devices for hours whilst a select few get fed. What are people supposed to do all afternoon in their finery? It's a sure-fire way to kill the mood too as it really breaks up their day and they'll turn up to the night do not really in the mood to party! I know people who've been to set-ups like this and they've all come away saying 'Never again!'.

    It must be difficult when you're a parent paying for the wedding; on one hand you don't want to take over and tell the bride and groom how they should be spending your money, but on the other hand I do think you're entitled to an opinion! At the very least, I think (if you haven't done this already) you need to be very clear about your budget so they can keep this in mind whilst making plans and when MIL starts making suggestions, someone else will have to foot that bill!
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  • inkieinkie Forumite
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    They are very aware of the budget - we have made £4K available to them to cover the costs that would traditionally be picked up by brides family. And what they don't spend we have told them they can keep.

    I can't understand why they think it's acceotable for people to be hanging around. You couldn't even do it as an 'evening invitation only', as you can't expect folk to travel 200 miles for an evening reception. :(
  • inkieinkie Forumite
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    Totally agree with you Firebird.
  • melanzanamelanzana Forumite
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    If it were me, I would either -

    A. have an intimate wedding ceremony with just family only on the day before. Time it towards evening, then go to dinner, family only.

    Next day, have the wedding reception in the venue, and then the party. Put a video of the ceremony on a big screen for everyone to see and share.

    or B. Have the ceremony later in the day, and move straight to reception. There will be plenty of opportunities for Bride to sit down. I would favour this option.

    I am not the B+G. but I too would not attend if I had to hang around in my glad rags for hours. What can you do in heels and a hat!!
  • inkieinkie Forumite
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    That's what I thought was happening ^^ (B).
    Was totally floored by this new suggestion!
  • cashewnutcashewnut Forumite
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    How about telling the guests who aren't invited to the intimate meal to buy their own lunch somewhere nice instead of buying a wedding present?

    My cousin did this although it was in London, so plenty of places to eat and things to do before rejoining for the evening :D
  • I probably wouldn't attend such a wedding, if had to travel that far, and then hang around for so many hours - as other have said what can you do all dressed up?
    It does come across as thoughtless.
    It would be so much better to have an afternoon ceremony and then a buffet for everyone.
    But then an invite is just that, not a summons. So as long as the timings are crystal clear, then people are free to decline.
    I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once
  • edited 27 July 2015 at 5:40PM
    duchyduchy Forumite
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    edited 27 July 2015 at 5:40PM
    "Maybe present it to her as

    "You have issues standing so you know what it is like.......If you were a guest and expected to kill so much time in an unfamiliar town .....would you be happy to do so -and after trudging round the sights all afternoon (or worse getting peed in the pub) would you in your tired and grumpy (or possibly peed) state make a great reception guest ?"

    I'd suggest they make the free time very clear before the event to the guests "As Solihul has such pretty scenary and fantastic historic buildings we have scheduled you a free afternoon and suggest you don't miss the abattoir and the the sewage works" though otherwise you'll be stuck dealing with annoyed guests who having spent a fortune on hotels, travelling, new outfits and a gift are less than impressed to be left to fend for themselves without prior warning !!

    Frankly I think it's a terrible idea and they may find they get lots of declines

    Personally I think it is the height of rudeness to have two classes of guest at the ceremony "Oh we and the chosen few are off for a lovely meal - The rest of you can bog off til the evening as you aren't good enough to join us" Either invite people to the day -including a meal - or invite them to the evening reception only -and offend fewer people !
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  • CarfalCarfal Forumite
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    If the wedding is in Church, invite those who are not part of the sit-down meal to the evening do only and write in the invitation the church name and postcode and ceremony time.

    Anyone who wants to make the effort can attend the church service as it's a public place, without the implied "go away, you're not wanted now" after the ceremony. Otherwise, they can go about their day as they wish then attend the evening event. People then have the option to drive up on the day and only pay to stay over for one night as they don't have to be there in the morning.

    As someone else suggested, show a video or still picture of the service at the evening do. Plenty of time for someone to do the editing in the time gap...
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