Uni mother and working? Selfish? 26 July 2015 at 9:00AM in MoneySaving mums 10 replies 2.9K views

Sian19

Hi
Sorry if I am posting in the wrong part, but unsure what other section to post this in.

I am a single 19 year old mum to a 7 month old boy, father is not involved (his choice) I continued with uni through my pregnancy and returned a month after I had him, I study law and have 3 years left (as of September)

I still live at home with my parent's who have been amazing, my dad works but my mums a housewife and she is relatively young for a grandmother (39) so she is capable of helping out a lot and loves too. She looks after him whilst I am at uni (3 days a week) and some evenings/mornings when I am not at uni, so I can get course work done. She does not have to do this (I get 70% of childcare costs paid, and have said so many times to her that I will put him in a nursery whilst I am at uni but she refuses and says she loves having him) Please don't think I am forcing her or pressuring her, this is the way she wants it.

I recently interviewed for a job as a vet receptionist on the weekend (Saturdays 8 hours and Sundays 2 hours) I really didn't think I would get it (as it will be my first job) and they told me they had 15 other candidates! I received a phone call yesterday however from them saying I've got it! It will provide me with around £380 extra a month. I don't actually need this money as I get tax credits and a good amount from student finance, and considering I live at home I don't have a lot to pay. This money would most likely go in to savings every month so when I finish uni and move out I may have enough or the start of a deposit fund to buy a house instead of renting (which would be the case if I moved out now and ideally want to own my own property)

I didn't tell my mum I was applying for it, but when I got it I told her. She was so happy about this and told me it was amazing and that I should take it and was basically begging me to take it.

Would you consider it selfish or unfair to my son if I took this? Pretty soon I will be back at uni 3 days a week (not to mention coursework on the days I have off) then working the weekends. Is it unfair on my son to leave him with my mother to study and work when I don't really need the money from it?

liney

I'd try and do your course work during the evenings/nap times when baby is asleep and then you will still have 2 to 3 days a week during the day with your son.


I would take the job, as long as I was sure the money was definitely going to be saved for your future which is probably why your mother is so keen.

pickledonionspaceraider

Sian19 wrote: »

I don't actually need this money as I get tax credits

Will the new earnings not make the tax credits go down?

fabforty

Sian19 wrote: »

Hi
Sorry if I am posting in the wrong part, but unsure what other section to post this in.

I am a single 19 year old mum to a 7 month old boy, father is not involved (his choice) I continued with uni through my pregnancy and returned a month after I had him, I study law and have 3 years left (as of September)

I still live at home with my parent's who have been amazing, my dad works but my mums a housewife and she is relatively young for a grandmother (39) so she is capable of helping out a lot and loves too. She looks after him whilst I am at uni (3 days a week) and some evenings/mornings when I am not at uni, so I can get course work done. She does not have to do this (I get 70% of childcare costs paid, and have said so many times to her that I will put him in a nursery whilst I am at uni but she refuses and says she loves having him) Please don't think I am forcing her or pressuring her, this is the way she wants it.

I recently interviewed for a job as a vet receptionist on the weekend (Saturdays 8 hours and Sundays 2 hours) I really didn't think I would get it (as it will be my first job) and they told me they had 15 other candidates! I received a phone call yesterday however from them saying I've got it! It will provide me with around £380 extra a month. I don't actually need this money as I get tax credits and a good amount from student finance, and considering I live at home I don't have a lot to pay. This money would most likely go in to savings every month so when I finish uni and move out I may have enough or the start of a deposit fund to buy a house instead of renting (which would be the case if I moved out now and ideally want to own my own property)

I didn't tell my mum I was applying for it, but when I got it I told her. She was so happy about this and told me it was amazing and that I should take it and was basically begging me to take it.

Would you consider it selfish or unfair to my son if I took this? Pretty soon I will be back at uni 3 days a week (not to mention coursework on the days I have off) then working the weekends. Is it unfair on my son to leave him with my mother to study and work when I don't really need the money from it?

I don't think it's selfish, but in your position I probably wouldn't have done it. Your mum and son will be fine, but you might find it difficult spending so little time with your son, especially when you don't have to. I studied law (so know how much work is involved) and I'm a working mum, and although I find work rewarding and fulfilling and couldn't really see myself as a SAHM (not criticising those that are), I don't think I could work a 7 day week (effectively having no family time), unless it was absolutely financially essential.

pmlindyloo

Since you are posting about this I am wondering if you are a bit concerned about your mum becoming more of a mother to your son than you are.

You mum is very young and whilst it is wonderful that she is so supportive it is very easy for the grandmother to 'take over'. Whilst this may suit you at the moment, it may (and I stress 'may') cause problems later when you leave your parent's home. Sometimes this can lead to heavy interference from grandparents and can cause endless disagreements.

Although I understand that you have course work to do I do agree that this might be better done when your son is asleep so that you can be with him during the day.

It worries me a bit that your mum encourages you to let her look after your son. Whilst this may perfectly OK and she has your best interests at heart, it may also be because of other reasons.

I may be totally wrong about all this so apologies if I am way off the mark.

Gigglepig

I would use nursery during week on uni days and family help on weekends during the part time job. I think it is great that you have a job and try to support yourself/save up - savings could be very handy later on if you no longer have free or subsidised childcare. your mum should have her own life too, she is young and could work, study or take up new hobbies now that her own children are grown up.

If your mum is very involved it depends on what you want whether it is great or possibly not so good. If this was me at 19 with a 39yo mother the best solution for my 19 yo self and not least a hypothetical baby might have been if my mother wanted to raise the child as her own. my personal view was and is that as a 19yo i would practically have been a child raising a child. i wanted to study, work and grow up and certainly did not feel ready for parenting, and my mother had a lot more to offer.

Lara44

Congratulations! I'd say give it a try and see how it goes if you'd like to do it

Savvy_Sue

pmlindyloo wrote: »

Since you are posting about this I am wondering if you are a bit concerned about your mum becoming more of a mother to your son than you are.

You mum is very young and whilst it is wonderful that she is so supportive it is very easy for the grandmother to 'take over'. Whilst this may suit you at the moment, it may (and I stress 'may') cause problems later when you leave your parent's home. Sometimes this can lead to heavy interference from grandparents and can cause endless disagreements.

Although I understand that you have course work to do I do agree that this might be better done when your son is asleep so that you can be with him during the day.

It worries me a bit that your mum encourages you to let her look after your son. Whilst this may perfectly OK and she has your best interests at heart, it may also be because of other reasons.

I may be totally wrong about all this so apologies if I am way off the mark.

I agree: everything may be fine, or the OP's mum may have it in mind that she's a better person to raise this child, for ever, which will leave the OP free to live her own life. And she may not even realise this.

Gigglepig wrote: »

If your mum is very involved it depends on what you want whether it is great or possibly not so good. If this was me at 19 with a 39yo mother the best solution for my 19 yo self and not least a hypothetical baby might have been if my mother wanted to raise the child as her own. my personal view was and is that as a 19yo i would practically have been a child raising a child. i wanted to study, work and grow up and certainly did not feel ready for parenting, and my mother had a lot more to offer.

This too, although putting the other side, one of my colleagues practically raised her grandchildren in the very early stages (despite working full-time and her child NOT still living at home.) However, the parents have managed to mature, so grandparents have been able to step back.

So the current situation might be a good supportive phase which the OP grows through and out the other end of, but it is worth thinking about!

Sian19

Thanks for your replies and no it won't affect tax credits as yearly, it amounts to around £5000

gayleygoo

I think you've nothing to lose by giving it a go, it could be a great opportunity. There's nothing wrong with your mum caring for him if you are all happy with it.

I can understand your worry about your son though. The early years are important, and go by so fast. I love my parents dearly, but I was raised mostly by my Granny as my parents worked. They worked hard to make sure we never wanted for anything, and we didn't, and I'll be eternally grateful, but I wonder if they feel they missed out on watching us grow up. I love my Granny as much as I love my parents. That's not a bad thing though, just something to be aware of maybe!

I had my first child at 20, and when it became impractical to keep part time working hours (and we weren't in need of the money), we decided I would be a SAHM until the children started school, or we needed the money. I figure there will be plenty of time for me to work or build a career then, and didn't want to miss out on the short window of time with my babies You too, are young, and I admire your work ethic, but whatever you do, make time for your family. If you took the job and later decided it was too much, you could re-evaluate it then?

I think I've rambled and not helped at all, at the end of the day it is your decision, as long as your son is well cared for and your mum is happy with the arrangement, do what you think is right.

Kynthia

You may need the money in the future and I'm sure the work experience can't be bad on your cv. You can always hand in your notice if you find it too tiring or miss your baby too much.