Family in overcoroweded housing - worrying about children's welbeing

Batman_100

Hi there.


This is another instalment of the ongoing saga involving my ex girlfriends 5 year old daughter. I still see her on a regular basis and everything is going well in that respect. But 2 months ago my ex moved in with her bf and I'm just a bit worried about their new living arrangements and the effect it has on my step daughter.


I don't really know much about what help/support is available to families these days regarding housing issues, so could anyone offer any advice?


They now live in a 4 bedroom ex council house and the sleeping arrangements are:


Bedroom 1: My ex (who's now 6 months pregnant) and her bf share a single bed and on the other side of the room there's a bunk bed where the kids sleep. He has 6 year old twins from his first marriage (a boy and a girl), the boy has the top bunk to himself and the girls share the bottom bunk. I've got no idea what the parents do when they want to be intimate with eachother or where the baby will sleep when it's born.




Bedroom 2: The bf's parents.


Bedroom 3: Bf's older brother, his girlfriend and their 2 year old son.


Bedroom 4: Bf's younger brother.


So in a few weeks time they'll have 6 adults, 1 teenager, 3 primary school age children, a toddler and a new born baby all living in one house and a family of 6 in one bedroom.


I have asked them what they plan to do long term, and they've said they want to stay with his parents for as long as it takes them to save enough money to pay for the deposit on their dream family home. Now I think they're living in cloud cuckoo land because neither of them have well paid jobs, they've now got 4 kids to feed and clothe and we all now how expensive family homes can be these days.


And that's before you get to the fact that I think these conditions are making my step daughter very unhappy. She adores her new step dad, but it's his kids that are the problem. She gets on ok with the girl as there's only a six month age gap and they're both Barbie girls who have similar interests and play together. But I think she still feels a bit uneasy about sharing a bed with a girl who she's hasn't know for all that long. And she does do some slightly disturbing things like rolling up bits of paper and pretending to smoke them like her mum. You can understand why I don't want my step-daughter picking up habits like this.


Now from what I've heard about her, their mum is the textbook example of a bad parent and some of it has passed off on her kids.


Now the boy is the real problem. He has behaviour problems that the school are well aware of and he's at that age now where he likes going out on his bike and playing with toy cars and action figures and despite having a twin sister he generally thinks boys are better than girls. Not surprisingly he hasn't adapted well to having a new step sister. He calls her names, tries to brake her toys and is generally very mean to her. My ex and her bf try their best to be good parents and they do tell him off for things, but I don't think they've got the point yet that their kids aren't bonding as well as they could.


And there's been a couple of serious incidents where her new step brother has made my step daughter seriously upset. Once when she was getting undressed to go in the bath he punched her in the private parts, laughed at her and said words to the effect of 'ha ha, you haven't got a willy'. And there was a time where he tried to punch my ex's bump and she got upset because she's quite close to her mum and fascinated by her pregnancy. She burst into tears when she told me about these things and I think this boys behaviour is starting to make her feel unsettled in her new home.


Now my question is, are the family officially classed as living in overcrowded accommodation and if so, would they be able to apply for socially housing and/or receive help with the rent.


And if the parents are unwilling to apply for it, is there anything statutory services through the children's schools or social services could do to encourage them to do so if they think the living arrangements are having a detrimental effect on the children's well being. Ideally my step daughter needs to have her own bed, in a separate room form her step-brother.


Thanks in advance for any help or advice because this is starting to stress me out.

BigAunty

Seems more like a question for the housing forum for the overcrowding issues and possible options.

Here's a starter link. Perhaps the overcrowding might get them priority for social housing?

http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/repairs_and_bad_conditions/common_problems/overcrowding

On this council website, it indicates that it isn't classed as overcrowding if a relative moves in temporarily.

http://www.wiltshire.gov.uk/counciltaxhousingandbenefits/housing/hsgprivatehomeownerstenants/hsginformationadvicetenants/hsgisyourhomeovercrowded.htm

What does the local council website say about overcrowding in private accommodation?

You might also look into the HHSRS system - local councils use this when carrying out assessments into health and safety of accommodation. See what it says about overcrowding and its potential remedy.

"In addition to the Overcrowding Standards mentioned previously, the Council also has regard to the provisions of the Housing Health and Safety Rating System (HHSRS ). The HHSRS is the Government’s approach to the evaluation of the potential risks to health and safety of occupiers or visitors from any deficiencies identified in dwellings. The HHSRS considers hazards associated with the lack of space within the dwelling for living, sleeping and normal family/household life."

Gigglepig

Social housing depends on the availability/rules where they live.
If you are concerned could you offer to take your step daughter to live with you until your ex sorts somewhere better to live?

If all 3 kids reside with your ex and her new boyfriend, Is the girls biological father and the twins mother paying child support?

If you are truly concerned about the kids have you considered speaking with social services?

IMO they sound irresponsible to have a baby if they have 3 children between them squashed into a bedsit - but thats just my personal opinion.

Laurensalive

I would direct this one to the local councils housing department. If you are concerned about the children I would also contact social services. If you do not want to do this, could you chat to your own GP about the children's well being and your concerns. If the GP is a decent sort then the GP might call social services for you. Or in the very least check on the children.

Batman_100

Gigglepig wrote: »

Social housing depends on the availability/rules where they live.
If you are concerned could you offer to take your step daughter to live with you until your ex sorts somewhere better to live?

If all 3 kids reside with your ex and her new boyfriend, Is the girls biological father and the twins mother paying child support?

If you are truly concerned about the kids have you considered speaking with social services?

IMO they sound irresponsible to have a baby if they have 3 children between them squashed into a bedsit - but thats just my personal opinion.

The thing is, I'm not the little girls biological father and my continued contact with her and the small amount of child support I pay has all been arranged on a very informal basis as I have no formal responsibilities for her in the eyes of the law.


It's clear to everyone involved that her mum and her mum's bf and kids are her 'main' family, so her coming to live with me isn't really an option. I'm taking her away for a week on holiday next month, but that'll be the first time we've stopped together overnight since I split with her Mum about a year ago.


Her biological father has had no contact with his daughter since she was about six months old and does not pay child support. Regarding the other kids, they see their mum on Saturdays whenever she can be bothered to pick them up, and she has recently come back into her kids lives after a couple of years of no contact, so I honestly don't know if she pays child support. The amount I pay towards my step daughter is just a token amount. It's her mum and her bf who are primarily responsible for her financially.


I'm not concerned that anything approaching child abuse is going on, I'm just thinking is it really healthy to have 3 kids and 2 adults sharing a room like that.


And when the baby is born I'm worried what a health visitor might make of their situation and whether this will lead to social services intervention. If my step daughter was taken into care then that would be my worst case scenario because I don't really have a leg to stand on when it comes to arguing that I should stay in touch with her. Yes she might call me Daddy, but in the eyes of the law I'm just her mums ex boyfriend.

BigAunty

Batman_100 wrote: »

And when the baby is born I'm worried what a health visitor might make of their situation and whether this will lead to social services intervention. If my step daughter was taken into care then that would be my worst case scenario because I don't really have a leg to stand on when it comes to arguing that I should stay in touch with her. Yes she might call me Daddy, but in the eyes of the law I'm just her mums ex boyfriend.

I'm not an expert in this area but I keep getting the impression that it takes significant neglect and abuse to take place for kids to end up in care, a total last resort, and social services do everything they can to support families.

In my opinion, if they intervene at all, it would be to help facilitate better accommodation or put them in touch with housing services.

Batman_100

BigAunty wrote: »

I'm not an expert in this area but I keep getting the impression that it takes significant neglect and abuse to take place for kids to end up in care, a total last resort, and social services do everything they can to support families.

In my opinion, if they intervene at all, it would be to help facilitate better accommodation or put them in touch with housing services.

I'm no expert but I thought social services will take children into care for the slightest little thing because no social worker wants to be responsible for the next Victoria Climbiae.


Or maybe I'm just over thinking this.

BigAunty

Batman_100 wrote: »

I'm no expert but I thought social services will take children into care for the slightest little thing because no social worker wants to be responsible for the next Victoria Climbiae.


Or maybe I'm just over thinking this.

http://www.childprotectionresource.org.uk/common-concerns-we-hear-from-parents/