Why do people think less of a couple who aren't married?

Georgiegirl256

LilElvis wrote: »

Not all benefits are available to the unmarried. To receive a spouse's pension from my husband's former employer I need to be married to him - simply co-habiting would get me zip.

Good point actually. Forgot about that. Before I read that on here once, I just always assumed that things like Pensions and Death in Service payouts were payable to common law spouses as well, as my husbands does and I was named and would have received both should the worst have happened.

j.e.j.

Purplesky wrote: »

Yes, it's very annoying. My partner and I have been together for seven years.
We've bought a house (and paid it off), my parents have got divorced (Nothing like a 30 year relationship breaking down to really test your own!), we've been through my university degree and his job that changed suddenly but he couldn't leave it for a while due to circumstances, multiple family deaths, several weddings and recurring long-term illness.

I'm hoping that we can do some maths on being married and see if it's worth it. It's likely to be a quick and cheap affair though.
But I saw how entangled my mother was when she and my dad divorced. It was really hard to extricate all the money. And now, my partner's money and mine will continue to be totally separate (apart from the house).
The other thing is that I'm 24, so we've been together for half the period of 'finding yourself and changing beyond what you thought was possible'. So I wonder if I'm just not old enough to make that decision?

It's such a thorny issue!

I'm not an expert but I think you might find it's more complicated to sort these things out in the event of a relationship break-up if you are NOT married than if you are.

Re the bolded bit, why buy a house with someone if you're not 100% intending to stay with that person?

Georgiegirl256

fairy_lights wrote: »

That's pretty presumptuous! There are a lot of unmarried couples out there where both X and Y are happy with the arrangements and neither want to get married.
You could just as easily say that a lot of couples only get married because X wants to and Y pretends to agree!

I agree, it is pretty presumptuous to think that, because in a lot of cases it isn't true....however, there is some truth in there also.

j.e.j.

lulu_92 wrote: »

Not really, We both want to marry each other, it's just the money holding us back. The only thing that gets annoying is the engagement thing, but that comes more from other people continually asking when it will happen.:mad: We're trying for a baby and looking to buy our house. Right now it's not the right thing for us to do but it's something we look to do in the next 5 years or so.

Yes, really

Getting married needn't cost much, as you said. In fact I think it's about £30 for the licence?

He doesn't want to get engaged.. so it's reasonable to assume that he doesn't actually want marriage.

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scarlet55

My daughter and her partner have been together for 10 years, and lived with each other for 7.

Their house is paid for (jointly)

He has his own business and works from home, and their first child is due in 8 weeks.

Neither believe in marriage but are totally committed to each other.
They are best friends and share the same interests.

But, because of his business and a baby on the way they've decided that they'll probably get married soon, just a quickie to make sure my daughter and the baby will be ok if anything should happen to him, or vice versa.

cyantist

lulu_92 wrote: »

I didn't realise ovulation occurred upon presenting a marriage certificate. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

But there are still a lot of people who want to be married before they start a family. I would never have considered trying for a baby before I was married, though I know a lot of people who have and I don't think any less of them or their relationship. It just wasn't the order I wanted to do it in, so we got married when I was 20.

Though if money is the issue, it might be even harder to find that money spare once a child comes along.

lulu_92

That is really presumptuous considering you don't know me.

We want a wedding and share our day with a lot of friends and family. Weddings cost money and we would rather spend our savings on a new house and starting our family.

Engagement is in OHs hands but I don't lose sleep over not having a ring on my finger.

We tried to get pregnant for 8 months when I got pregnant and I miscarried 5 weeks ago. I don't care whether I'm married or not when I have kids so the two don't go hand in hand for me. Whether we get married now or in 20 years, I don't care as long as he's in my life and still madly in love with me

onlyroz

Purplesky wrote: »

But I saw how entangled my mother was when she and my dad divorced. It was really hard to extricate all the money. And now, my partner's money and mine will continue to be totally separate (apart from the house).

I'm sure divorce is extraordinary stressful for all involved - but if your parents hadn't been married then it might have been even harder for your mum to get her share of the assets. If she hadn't been named on the house deeds, for example, then she might have been entitled to nothing.

lulu_92

cyantist wrote: »

But there are still a lot of people who want to be married before they start a family. I would never have considered trying for a baby before I was married, though I know a lot of people who have and I don't think any less of them or their relationship. It just wasn't the order I wanted to do it in, so we got married when I was 20.

Though if money is the issue, it might be even harder to find that money spare once a child comes along.

Oh I know, and fair play to them. I just thought it was strange to plan a wedding in 6 months purely for that but each to their own.

We have the money but would feel better spending it on raising a child than we would if we used it to have our ideal wedding.

gabriel1980

It's one of my bugbears when people assume that because my girlfriend and I aren't married means we're not that serious about each other. We've been together longer than all the other married couples we know and lived together for much of that time. The married guys with little kids I know look miserable. Neither my girlfriend and I really fancy getting married or having kids. The freedom would be too hard to give up.

To be honest, what is marriage? You have a big expensive party, maybe a holiday, and then go back to just doing what you did before, sitting on the couch and back to normal life.