Why do people think less of a couple who aren't married?

missbiggles1

PasturesNew wrote: »

Unmarried says to me "X wants to marry Y; Y doesn't really want to marry X; X pretends they don't need a bit of paper; Y just nods while looking over X's shoulder at what else might be available". X won't push it ...secretly they daren't as they know Y would be off like a shot.

For someone who claims not to "do people", I think that's very perceptive.:)

Money_maker

I wonder if the couples not getting married have divorce or separation already in the family. Neither DH or I have had any relatives split up so marriage was the next natural stage.

I dont care if someones married or not but as old fashioned as it sounds, I would prefer them to be married (and therefore committed) before having children rather than popping them out left, right & centre then changing partners and going again.

missbiggles1

fairy_lights wrote: »

That's pretty presumptuous! There are a lot of unmarried couples out there where both X and Y are happy with the arrangements and neither want to get married.
You could just as easily say that a lot of couples only get married because X wants to and Y pretends to agree!

I think that's true as well - it certainly was the case in my first marriage.:(

j.e.j.

lulu_92 wrote: »

For me (X) and OH (Y) it is:
X wants to marry Y, Y wants to marry X but wants to make sure they can afford the wedding they both like (although know they could go down the registry office for cheap but X and Y would like a wedding and know they don't need to justify reasons why to anyone ). X tells Y that if the intention is there they should get engaged, Y is very vague on the subject, so X and Y don't get engaged (which I hope is not the end of the story!)

:rotfl::rotfl:

Reading between the lines, your scenario is akin to PasturesNew's description

PasturesNew wrote: »

Unmarried says to me "X wants to marry Y; Y doesn't really want to marry X; X pretends they don't need a bit of paper; Y just nods while looking over X's shoulder at what else might be available". X won't push it ...secretly they daren't as they know Y would be off like a shot.

ognum

Piggywiggy wrote: »

Just curious really as to why some people think you aren't serious about your relationship if you aren't married.

Who are these some people, do you have research that shows this or is this your opinion or hearsay?

Doesn't it depend on each individual couple?

This is like a general comment on race or religion, it has no validity!

Stompa

Piggywiggy wrote: »

Just curious really as to why some people think you aren't serious about your relationship if you aren't married.

I don't recall ever coming across anybody who actually thinks that.

missbiggles1

lulu_92 wrote: »

Maybe in some scenarios it is.

For me (X) and OH (Y) it is:
X wants to marry Y, Y wants to marry X but wants to make sure they can afford the wedding they both like (although know they could go down the registry office for cheap but X and Y would like a wedding and know they don't need to justify reasons why to anyone ). X tells Y that if the intention is there they should get engaged, Y is very vague on the subject, so X and Y don't get engaged (which I hope is not the end of the story!)

:rotfl::rotfl:


I don't judge anyone on if they're married or not. Most people my age who are married rushed into it for one reason or another, not necessarily as a sign of commitment or for legal protection. Some people just see it as something you need to do. OH and I aren't married (see above) but we want to be, although we're not going to get into debt or rush through it for the sake of it. We're just as committed to each other, married/engaged or not!

One person got engaged to her OH after two years together and decided suddenly 6 months later that they needed the wedding as soon as possible so they could start a family.

That seems a perfectly reasonable decision to make.

Purplesky_2

Yes, it's very annoying. My partner and I have been together for seven years.
We've bought a house (and paid it off), my parents have got divorced (Nothing like a 30 year relationship breaking down to really test your own!), we've been through my university degree and his job that changed suddenly but he couldn't leave it for a while due to circumstances, multiple family deaths, several weddings and recurring long-term illness.

I'm hoping that we can do some maths on being married and see if it's worth it. It's likely to be a quick and cheap affair though.
But I saw how entangled my mother was when she and my dad divorced. It was really hard to extricate all the money. And now, my partner's money and mine will continue to be totally separate (apart from the house).
The other thing is that I'm 24, so we've been together for half the period of 'finding yourself and changing beyond what you thought was possible'. So I wonder if I'm just not old enough to make that decision?

It's such a thorny issue!

lulu_92

j.e.j. wrote: »

Reading between the lines, your scenario is akin to PasturesNew's description

Not really, We both want to marry each other, it's just the money holding us back. The only thing that gets annoying is the engagement thing, but that comes more from other people continually asking when it will happen.:mad: We're trying for a baby and looking to buy our house. Right now it's not the right thing for us to do but it's something we look to do in the next 5 years or so.

lulu_92

missbiggles1 wrote: »

That seems a perfectly reasonable decision to make.

I didn't realise ovulation occurred upon presenting a marriage certificate. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: