Pensions not enough

enthusiasticsaver

Regardless of whether she will discuss the situation or not you do need to get through to her by saying that the situation cannot continue. Is she spending on a credit card? Personally when my OH spent regardless of the amount in our current account we had what you might call a full and frank discussion and ended up by agreeing a regular monthly amount (equal) we both had as spending money after the bills were paid and an amount left for bills etc and we stopped his credit card. He wasn't happy about it initially but once I explained how stressed he was making me feel as I have always had to pay the bills, budgeting etc as he does not see the need he adapted and even though he could have a credit card now he does not. I think you have to take control as she is obviously not committed to living within your means and this is causing you stress.

rachy182

If you suspect that your wife has diabetes then get her help as soon as possible. My aunt is nearly blind and they think the reason is because shes diabetic and she did nothing to help control it, so now shes paying the consequences for her actions. I never realized it could be that dangerous until that happened to her. You always hear these rare symptoms used to scare people but you never hear it happening to anyone you know. If you cant get her to see medical help please get her to start managing her diet to reduce her sugar intake. This is no substitute for proper medical advice but its better than than her glucose levels running rampant.

kitrat

rachy182 wrote: »

If you suspect that your wife has diabetes then get her help as soon as possible. My aunt is nearly blind and they think the reason is because shes diabetic and she did nothing to help control it, so now shes paying the consequences for her actions. I never realized it could be that dangerous until that happened to her. You always hear these rare symptoms used to scare people but you never hear it happening to anyone you know. If you cant get her to see medical help please get her to start managing her diet to reduce her sugar intake. This is no substitute for proper medical advice but its better than than her glucose levels running rampant.

And as a bit more gentle encouragement I'd say that these are not rare symptoms used to scare people, that is just one of the normal complications of uncontrolled diabetes.

Maddybee33

it looks like at 69 no one wants your talents.

Have you thought about going self employed? :-)
I have no idea what your talents are, but maybe something along the lines of book-keeping? You should speak to CAB.

Mojisola

barnaclebill wrote: »

This also happened about 10 years ago when we got into debt after being made redundant twice in 12 months, I told her not to buy anything she did not need and she started going to the garden centre buying ceramic pots and getting them delivered, when I came home after four months we were worse off.

I worry what is going to happen in two or three months time, we have enough as no mortgage to pay but OH is carrying on the same as when I was working.
I looked for some part time work but no luck, it looks like at 69 no one wants your talents.

The problem isn't how much money you have coming in - it's your wife spending money you don't have. If you earn more, she'll just spend more.

Unless she is willing to get help and change her ways, you are either going to have to manage her life as if she was an irresponsible child and take complete control of all spending or seriously think about going your own way.

Maz

Have you tried asking your wife how she thinks she'll be able to maintain her current spending habit when the small pot of savings finally runs out in a few months' time?

whiteguineapig

maybe your wife could get a job (i still work but husband is retired)
she could have her own money then

BigAunty

How is she making these unwanted purchases? From a joint account? From a card held in her name even though she has no income (or does she, does she receive the state pension, for example?). Or does she pester you into buying things? For the life of me, I can't understand from your posts the method in which she is perpetually enabled to be extravagant while you continue to suffer for it?

You say she is too depressed to review the budget. Do you mean medical/clinical depression or do you mean that she gets moody when you raise financial matters? That she simply shuts down to get her way?

The reason I ask is that I had a friend who refused to reign in any of her spending and came out with sob stories to engineer her standard of living, far above her means. However, when I directly challenged her about exploiting people (including me) the truth came out in the form of her feeling that the things she wanted were 'unmissable' and an explicit attitude that she 'deserved' the level of treats and social life she enjoyed but couldn't afford. This was the nub of the matter, her attitude of entitlement, hence why she ran rings around everyone around her so they picked up her tab, including paying off her debts.

Download the MSE budget planner.

Work through the website to ensure you have found the cheapest tariffs for everything -energy, telecoms, insurance and so forth.

Populate the rest of it with reasonable and realistic costs for things like social expenses, holiday, haircut, clothes, a saving plan for emergencies such as a new boiler, car repairs and so forth.

From this you should be able to identify some pocket money for treats for your missus. Set up a direct debit to pay this into an account in her sole name. Make sure she has no access to a joint account or credit whatsoever as I assume this is the method used to have a spree at your expense. Cut up those credit cards.

Everytime she whines about not being able to buy useless stuff, show her the budget that you have drawn up and are sticking to in order to avoid debt and say 'Unless you can increase the income going into the budget or wish to go without something like broadband, the tv package etc, we can't afford it'. If she can't come up with a solution to change the figure in or figure out, tell her it won't happen.

BitterAndTwisted

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I was thinking of posting last night along the lines of "take charge, cut up her plastic, hide the cheque book", but the OP does have to consider the possibility that she will then simply apply for credit in her own name and run up debt that way.

At least, if she did, it wouldn't be the OP's legal responsibility to pay the debts off. They will be in her name and she'll have to figure out how to pay them.

If her behaviour is a consequence of her health situation, and I'm not convinced it is, you MUST take control of the finances and allocate a modest but reasonable amount for her discretionary spends. You've already been through a DMP once and see what she's learned? Nada. Zilch. Nichts.

You've only got five grand left from the house sale and that's ruddy peanuts when you're on a pension. See how long that ten grand lasted? Desperate times call for desperate measures. She needs to know that you're thinking of separating if this isn't sorted out properly once and for all.