Pensions not enough

barnaclebill

It's about 8 months now since I retired at age 68, we moved (downsized) used some money to do up the house and I calculated we would have about £15,000 left but some extra work on the house and a big car repair bill and the main problem we are overspending and it will soon be £5,000 but OH has never done a budget and won't even talk about it, she gets depressed.
This also happened about 10 years ago when we got into debt after being made redundant twice in 12 months, I told her not to buy anything she did not need and she started going to the garden centre buying ceramic pots and getting them delivered, when I came home after four months we were worse off. Only managed to clear the DMP when the company changed paying us from US dollars to Euros and starting to get my pensions at age 60 and 61.
I have two credit cards with interest free periods but I won't use them as it still has to be paid back sometime.
I worry what is going to happen in two or three months time, we have enough as no mortgage to pay but OH is carrying on the same as when I was working.
I looked for some part time work but no luck, it looks like at 69 no one wants your talents.
OH is not well, I think she has diabetes but will not go to the doctor, long story about wrong medication years ago so she does not trust doctors.
Almost feel like walking out but after 46 years married I would feel guilty so don't see a way to change the situation, lucky I am usually very positive but feeling down at present

Pollycat

I replied on the thread you started earlier this year and said IMHO a visit to the doctor was well overdue (for your wife).

As for your financial issues, I think you really do need a budgt and a commitment from your wife to understand it, agree to it and stick to it (not that easy, I admit).

Do you have sufficient income for your day-to-day, month-to-month expenses sucha as food, bills?

In what areas are you overspending?

FBaby

However poorly she is, you can't let her send you into the world of debts when it is controllable. This would make you BOTH feeling much more poorly.

If she is unwilling to face the fact that she can't spend as she is, you need to take control and tell her she is leaving you with no choice. You need to seat her down and show her the figures and tell her that you will take control of the income coming in/savings and will transfer whatever disposable income there is left after all bills are paid into her account (divided by two of course!).

Hopefully if she can start having to budget her own money, she will gradually understand the concept of it and become much more careful overall.

In regards to her health, you need to pester her by reassuring her that not all doctors are bad and that she will need to see one at some time in her life. Is she currently registered with one but don't like him? If so, she should be able to change GP, even register to a different practice possibly. If she isn't even registered, then maybe you can do so together and you can go with her to her first appointment?

In the end, you can't let your wife rules the roost when you know that she is doing so to avoid facing to problems that need tackling. She both needs in terms of support for her health and depression as well as being told that she can't control everything.

torbrex

STOP her pocket money.

Janey3

Some chemists have a diabetes testing service, why not pop in and ask about it?

There are also testing meters and strips available online to check blood sugar readings.

Complete folly to ignore warning signs and I do hope you can persuade your wife to get some help.

jackyann

Whilst sympathetic to janey's reasoning, I think this will only put off the problem, and may make it worse, depending on the result.

I think you are on here because you know that you have to take charge of the finances (yes, it's high handed, but a proper sharing discussion need to wait until issues are resolved)

You need to say that you care for her and for this reason have to insist on a GP appointment. Tell the GP beforehand that she is nervous, and maybe your own concerns.
Obviously offer to go with her, but she may prefer another friend. Another option is to ask for an appointment with the practice nurse - they are usually very good at being calm & reassuring, can initiate tests and liaise with the GP.
good luck

Pollycat

The OP has posted previously about his wife's mental state and I understand that her issue with doctors may be due to dependancy on/addiction to anti-depressants.

He also mentioned a problem with her memory.

I really do feel for him but I agree that he needs to take charge of finances and encourage his wife to see her GP.
Neitrher of these issues are going to go away.

David301

Take charge of the finances now, allocate what you need to to each section of a budget and ring fence the essential items.

Make an amount available for your wife to spend on rubbish that pleases her, so that she doesn't sink into a deep depression.

Act now or live with the worry of running out of money until it happens.

Savvy_Sue

I was thinking of posting last night along the lines of "take charge, cut up her plastic, hide the cheque book", but the OP does have to consider the possibility that she will then simply apply for credit in her own name and run up debt that way.

But persuading her to see a GP is important. "I love you too much not to insist on this." Perhaps going to talk to one on his own first is worth considering.

We also have a 'Boost your income' board which might be helpful, but not necessarily the main priority now ...

TBagpuss

I agree with PPs that you need to have a serious conversation with your wife whether she wants to or not.

It sounds as though having a budget for essentials and some 'fun money' for each of you would be a way forward.

I would also suggest that you try as far as possible to separate your finances - could you help her to open a basic bank account (no overdraft facility) for her spending money, and have the regular income and outgoings from an account in your name?

Draw up a budget showing your income and essential outgoings and provide her with a copy, so she is aware of the position even if she doesn't want to accept it.

Does she have any close friends or family members who she might listen to in relation to seeing a Doctor or Nurse? Perhaps if she was hearing concerns from others , as well as from you, she might be willing to see someone.

It might also be worth talking to her GP to see whether there is anything they can suggest. For instance, if she has anxiety about seeing a doctor could they arrange for her to have the first appointment in the day to minimise the time she has to wait, could they speak to her by telephone in the first instance so she knows who she will be seeing and what tests might be appropriate, is there any chance of a house call etc.

whiteguineapig

i was wondering if she had any children or maybe a sister or close friend that she would listen to,

you really need to do something, £5,000 in savings won't go far if something goes wrong
i also wondered if she still loves you, if she is willing to let her overspending mean that you will have to get a job at your age