I don't like anything I wear or buy.

Jagraf

Hello all

I'm in my mid forties and I feel old, short and fat. I've had a tough few years financially and divorce wise, but I'm happily married, debt free and happy now. My DD is sweet sixteen and a stunner, as they all are. I'm very proud of her.

I don't bother at all about my appearance really - I'm happy to wear white linen trousers in the hot with a long black t-shirt, and black tights and a skirt in the cold. This is mostly whats in my wardrobe. i dont choose what to wear consciously. I'm a couple of stone overweight - a sixteen all over, but I have lost a stone over the past few months, and I'm on track with that.

I am critical about every part of my body. The only thing I feel is that time has been good to my skin on my face, I don't have many lines and wrinkles there, but my neck and chest look like a map of the Birmingham ring road.

I see lovely ladies bigger than me, and older than me, dressing in beautiful bright colours. I then try to do this, eg, buy a bright maxi dress, then take it back because I think it looks silly.

I am pear shaped in general.

If someone buys me a beauty treatment, I sell it on ebay or give it away. To me a beauty treatment of one area is a waste its got to be all or nothing.

I'm bit meaning to sound down, I'm not, I just feel lost about how to look good, or how to find what suits. I also need a good beauty regime as my legs are being towards being ape like, I'm pale as anything, and I go on holiday in a few weeks.

What should I do? I need some help with how to shop, what to wear .....

Murphybear

Repeat after me, mid forties is not old - it's barely middle aged:D

One big, easy change is to get a really great hairstyle. If you are going gray get highlights/lowlights. You would be amazed what a difference this can make. If money is an issue then if you have a local college that has a hairdressing dept, this is a cheap treat. A lot of hairdressers look for models as well.

Have a manicure/pedicure as well, feel good factor. Paint your own nails bright colours, TKMaxx sell lots of high end brands for low prices.

Treat yourself to good perfume. My OH bought me a large bottle of Estee Lauder last Christmas. It smells stunning on me and and makes me feel SO GOOD:j

I have been overweight for years and made the classic mistake of only wearing black/dark colours. My OH talked me out of this years ago. I wear white trousers and bright tops in the summer, I was surprised how much better I felt and looked.

Hopefully this has given you some ideas, hopefully others will be along with other ideas.

WeAreGhosts

Here's some tips for pear shapes:
http://www.look-fabulous.com/work/pear-shaped-woman/
And there's lots of articles like this if you google them

Have you ever gone shopping with your daughter and asked her to choose some clothes for you? Somewhere like Debenhams would be a good place as there's something to suit nearly everyone. She might surprise you, and you will probably try on things you wouldn't have ordinarily looked at.
Maxi dresses are good! I'd try them again and try creating a whole look with accessories to go with it. If you think you look short then look for maxi dresses with a vertical stripe. Bold prints also work well.

ciderwithrosie_2

Aww, there's so many lovely clothes out there - I'm 51, short and a much larger size (although also shrinking). I shop with New Look, ASOS and Missguided mainly. Other stores stocking clothes for the larger lady are so frumpy!

Do you go clothes shopping with your daughter, would she tell you what looks good and what doesn't?

Have to say, linen trousers are rarely flattering on anyone as they crease so easily and look shapeless.

As you are losing weight, it's a shame you aren't more excited by the brand new wardrobe possibilities out there .... go shop!!!

missbiggles1

Why not go to one of the big stores where you can use a personal shopper? Much better than going shopping with a 16 year old daughter!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-72303/Get-personal-shopper-high-street.html

tomtontom

Make yourself a list of things you can do to start to feel better about yourself:

Shave your legs, exfoliate (not at the same time!), and smother yourself in body lotion. Maybe one with a light tan?
Paint your toenails - everything feels better if your toes are pretty.
Work out a skincare routine. It doesn't need to be complex, but it needs to be right for your skin.
I know you don't do beauty treatments but a micro dermabrasion treatment will do your skin the world of good - even if you only go the once.

Then start on clothing - a pair of well fitting jeans and a few tops to start with, build from there. Are you wearing the right size bra? Possibly not if you've lost weight.

And then there's make up ... :T

Jagraf

I'm so grateful for your help. Seriously it is helping me. I go tothe hairdresser and instead of saying what I want, I tell her to do my roots and then whatever she wants. I do get my roots done eventually. My bras are ones my mum gave me (new but she had loads) and I just make them fit, although I do buy minimisers from m&s as I don't like having s cleavage (I was 32 a when I was young before kids, now 38 D ish). I have a couple of nice dresses both black which I feel nice in. My make up us the old stuff of my daughters and I use supermarket anti dandruff shampoo. I use a good moisturiser but if I run out I'm happy to use bodyshop body lotion on my face. I could go on. Don't get me started on knickers. Usually sloggis whatever the occasion.

theoretica

Bras - measure yourself as this webpage suggests and try on a few in the size it calculates http://www.brasizecalculator.tk/

Holidays are great for trying out looks - only your family and strangers see you! What colours would your OH like to see you in?

lessonlearned

Jagraf - I don't know what your financial situation is but the thing that comes over the most is the way you make do with other people's cast offs. Your mums bras, your daughters make up.

Now obviously if your financial situation is dire then this is perfectly understandable however it can't be good for your self esteem. You do deserve to have some new things of your own if you can afford them, especially under wear.

A decent fitting bra will work wonders and you can buy perfectly nice pretty knickers from any supermarket for Less than a £5 for a pack of 3 or 4 pairs.

I agree with the linen trousers they crease like the devil and lose their shape. They are not usually the most flattering of trousers, a pair of well fitting jeans can be much more flattering and you can get white ones.

The big plus with denim is that , being thicker it hides all the lumps and bumps. Pick the right ones for your shape and they will make you look slimmer and taller.

Ive never tried a personal shopper myself but I'm sure you would find it a very useful exercise.

You don't have to spend a lot of money to look good, skin care routines can be simple and a good haircut will work miracles.

Charity shops are a great source of good quality clothing and knock down prices, but they can also be great for accessories, bags, scarves, fashion jewellery erc.

The beauty is that you can afford to experiment a little and try different styles and colours without breaking the bank and making expensive mistakes. ITs also a good idea to buy from charity shops whilst you are losing weight and dropping dress sizes.

The biggest secret to looking and feeling good is grooming. Nice clean hair, cleansed and moisturised skin, defuzzing under arms and legs, nicely manicured nails, neatly pressed clothes and clean polished shoes. This hardly costs any money but you will need to invest a bit of time and effort.

If you want to add a bit of glamour then go for a nice hair cut, wear a bit of make up, paint your nails.

The second biggest secret to looking good is your posture. And good posture costs nothing. Stand tall, proud and straight. Sit up nicely, move gracefully. Look at all the movie stars who are considered great beauties and watch the way they move. For a perfect example look at Angelina Jolie's posture.

And whatever you do, always wear perfume, even if it's just a squirt of light cologne or Eau de toilette.

Smell divine and Release your inner goddess.:D

Start with perfume, watch your posture, start a proper grooming routine and the rest will come easy.

It doesn't matter how short or tall you are, whether you are overweight, you can still look good, even on a tight budget. It's all about making the most of what you have.

And remember - your biggest asset is your smile.......even if your teeth are awful you can still smile, just keep your lips together.:rotfl:

happylucky

Jagraf wrote: »

I see lovely ladies bigger than me, and older than me, dressing in beautiful bright colours. I then try to do this, eg, buy a bright maxi dress, then take it back because I think it looks silly.

If you're used to seeing yourself in black/white or other neutrals then a large amount of colour will probably look shocking to you (on you), whether it does to anyone else or not.

I suggest to get colour in ASAP is manageable doses: accessories like silk scarves, belts, shoes, bags can really help. Red shoes with a black outfit looks awesome! Pink belt with your white linen trousers etc..

Good luck to you.

Jagraf

Ok. I've decided to tackle this a day at a time and will write it down here if no-one minds . It will keep me motivated to keep a check on how I'm doing. My diet continues which is now really manageable to me. I consume between 1250-1500 low fat calories a day and walk 10,000 steps (about 5000 working and 5000 evening walk with Hubbie).

Day 1 targets:

Health:

- stick to recommended calories and exercise
- drink 2 litres of water

Beauty:

- de-fuzz (generous description)
- use shower gradual tan
- wear black stretch jeans with pale floral long silk blouse I found in cupboard yesterday. Also found some wedge sandals. Brighter but not too drastic.
- blow dry hair and apply some make up
- spray of perfume
- check smile.
- walk tall with shoulders back, and try to look elegant

Will return later to update!!