My fiance wont let me get a cat

scon1234

So after 4 years of renting my fiance and I finally bought our own house, yay!

All the while we've been renting I've been dying for pet, so now that I can have one I'm over to moon. Trouble is my fiance doesn't see the point of having a cat. He sees them as a poor excuse for a dog, and incapable of love.

My fiance was never allowed pets growing up so he doesn't understand the point of having them. I'm not sure how explain to him why I want one. I grew up with pets and the house just doesn't feel like a home to me without a furry friend.

He also says he hates cats but every time the neighbors cat comes to say hello, or we see a random cat while we're out and about, he gets super excited and loves to fuss over them. He obviously likes them, even though for some strange reason he wont admit to it.

Has anyone dealt with this before?

TBagpuss

Maybe he likes cats but doesn't want the tie of owning a pet?

I think you need to talk to him. Explain how important it is to you to have a pet, and ask him whether he has specific objections, or whether it's more that he simply doesn't see the point - i.e. is he saying he actively dislikes the idea and opposes you getting a cat, or that it would be OK for you to have one as long as he isn't expected to look after it, or (given his comments about dogs) is he really saying he wants a dog, and that he doesn't think you can have both?

scon1234

TBagpuss wrote: »

Maybe he likes cats but doesn't want the tie of owning a pet?

I think you need to talk to him. Explain how important it is to you to have a pet, and ask him whether he has specific objections, or whether it's more that he simply doesn't see the point - i.e. is he saying he actively dislikes the idea and opposes you getting a cat, or that it would be OK for you to have one as long as he isn't expected to look after it, or (given his comments about dogs) is he really saying he wants a dog, and that he doesn't think you can have both?

Those are good suggestions, thank you.

He does want a pet, specifically he wants a dog. The only issue is that he wants a dog without the commitment of a dog (e.g. walking it 3 x a day). He basically wants a happy loving pet that'll greet him when he comes through the door and snuggle up on his feet at night. I feel like a cat would be a good compromise. He however has it in his head that cats aren't lovable.

I'll talk to him again tonight.

fairy_lights

scon1234 wrote: »

Trouble is my fiance doesn't see the point of having a cat. He sees them as a poor excuse for a dog, and incapable of love.

My boyfriend felt the same way, he couldn't stand cats and was very reluctant to get one.

This is going to sound very over dramatic but for me, the cat thing was a deal breaker. I love my OH but there was no way I was going to live my whole life cat-less and he knew I wasn't kidding. So we got a kitten on the condition that it would be my responsibility, I would look after it, feed it, change the litter tray etc, and my boyfriend would ignore it and maybe in time learn to tolerate it, but he was very clear that he would never, ever bond with it or start liking cats.
That was his plan anyway...within weeks he was calling the cat his fur baby and demanding the vet vaccinate him against every disease known to man so that he would never get sick or die :rotfl:


I think a lot of people who claim not to like cats have never really spent time with one, but soon change their minds when they do. The fact that he gets excited around neighbours cats suggests he likes cats more than he will admit - I think there's also an element of thinking it's not very macho to be a cat person that puts some men off them.


So if I were you, it's a gamble but I'd just get a cat.

Cornucopia

There are lots of other potential pet animals other than Cats & Dogs - perhaps rather than occupy "sides", you could compromise on something else?

Each species has its own characteristics in terms of activities, accommodation, affection, etc. and even small animals can have distinct personalities.

Despite my avatar, I don't own a fox... just thought I'd make that clear.

scon1234

fairy_lights wrote: »

That was his plan anyway...within weeks he was calling the cat his fur baby and demanding the vet vaccinate him against every disease known to man so that he would never get sick or die :rotfl:

Hahaha that's amazing! :rotfl:

Guest101

Since when does renting stop you getting a cat? - Since such clauses are basically unenforceable. Since there's no loss. And if there is a loss, it's no different to you as the tenant doing so.

I suspect this is something you should've discussed prior to buying a house.

scon1234

Cornucopia wrote: »

There are lots of other potential pet animals other than Cats & Dogs - perhaps rather than occupy "sides", you could compromise on something else?

Each species has its own characteristics in terms of activities, accommodation, affection, etc. and even small animals can have distinct personalities.

That is true. I'll have to do more research. Thank you.

scon1234

Guest101 wrote: »

Since when does renting stop you getting a cat? - Since such clauses are basically unenforceable. Since there's no loss. And if there is a loss, it's no different to you as the tenant doing so.

I suspect this is something you should've discussed prior to buying a house.

It's not a deal breaker, I'm engaged to him pets or no pets I love him

It was in our tenancy agreement that we have no pets. A lot of tenancy agreements state this. I didn't know it was basically unenforceable but nevermind we own our home now.

Cornucopia

scon1234 wrote: »

That is true. I'll have to do more research. Thank you.

If you do get interested in a small animal, Pets at Home have a selection in every store, except the very small stores. It's an easy way to see/understand several species at a time, and they have useful free leaflets on caring for the animals.

The only exceptions to that would be Chinchillas and Degus, which are likely to be bundled up sleepily in the corner, and will be much more active at home.

Disclaimer: I have a Degu.

Fluff15

fairy_lights wrote: »

My boyfriend felt the same way, he couldn't stand cats and was very reluctant to get one.

This is going to sound very over dramatic but for me, the cat thing was a deal breaker. I love my OH but there was no way I was going to live my whole life cat-less and he knew I wasn't kidding. So we got a kitten on the condition that it would be my responsibility, I would look after it, feed it, change the litter tray etc, and my boyfriend would ignore it and maybe in time learn to tolerate it, but he was very clear that he would never, ever bond with it or start liking cats.
That was his plan anyway...within weeks he was calling the cat his fur baby and demanding the vet vaccinate him against every disease known to man so that he would never get sick or die :rotfl:


I think a lot of people who claim not to like cats have never really spent time with one, but soon change their minds when they do. The fact that he gets excited around neighbours cats suggests he likes cats more than he will admit - I think there's also an element of thinking it's not very macho to be a cat person that puts some men off them.


So if I were you, it's a gamble but I'd just get a cat.

This reflects my experience with my ex - he ended up caving and buying my two for Christmas as a surprise, to cheer me up after I'd been down for a while. He loves those cats a lot, and is still happy to see them when we see each other.