Elderly Dad - cataract operation - aftercare

[Deleted User]

Remember last time he used his mobile - he was away on hols for the weekend. It sort of summed up his attitude.

He phoned me on it 1st day. All good. I called him back to save his money. BUT, he'd wanted to speak to me to tell me all about his trip etc which was nice of course.

3rd day though he said "Been trying to get hold of your brother". Can you ring him and tell him? So I did. Turns he'd phoned my brother both of the previous days but he'd been driving. He phoned back 5 mins later and couldnt get through.

Turns out had been turning phone on, phoning us, then turning phone off! His answer - well I just want to use it when I want to speak to someone, I dont want people ringing me and disturbing me. He just did not get that it might be useful if one of us wanted or needed to speak to him but nope.

Suspect this is why he hasnt taken it. He can see no need to want to call me and doesnt care that I can't call him.

pelirocco

My mum had hers done a few months ago , she's 84 and lives alone , admittedly she only had one eye done but she said she noticed a difference straight away and didnt need any looking after ( not that she told me she had it done til afterwards lol )

Your Dad will have pretty poor vision anyway with a cataract , he will be in a much better position to look after himself after the op then now , so not really sure with why you arent concerned how he looks after his self now

[Deleted User]

pelirocco wrote: »

My mum had hers done a few months ago , she's 84 and lives alone , admittedly she only had one eye done but she said she noticed a difference straight away and didnt need any looking after ( not that she told me she had it done til afterwards lol )

Your Dad will have pretty poor vision anyway with a cataract , he will be in a much better position to look after himself after the op then now , so not really sure with why you arent concerned how he looks after his self now

Where did I say that again?

Mojisola

pelirocco wrote: »

so not really sure with why you arent concerned how he looks after his self now

You can't have seen Paul's earlier threads - his father is a very difficult man to help!

KxMx

You have to respect that your Dad is an adult and is entitled to make those own decisions.

You don't have to agree, or be able to understand the logic behind them, but you need to respect his right to make those decisions.

You seem very irate, have you taken any advice on coping strategies given to you by others in previous threads?

I realise you'd really like to have called him on his mobile to check up on him, and are worried about his Hospital stay, but you'll have to accept the fact that you can't call him on his mobile, and move on, and calm down!

[Deleted User]

KxMx wrote: »

You have to respect that your Dad is an adult and is entitled to make those own decisions.

You don't have to agree, or be able to understand the logic behind them, but you need to respect his right to make those decisions.

You seem very irate, have you taken any advice on coping strategies given to you by others in previous threads?

I realise you'd really like to have called him on his mobile to check up on him, and are worried about his Hospital stay, but you'll have to accept the fact that you can't call him on his mobile, and move on, and calm down!

Ha ha. Yes I know. Its so difficult when you're doing you're best to help someone and they're not willing to bend just a little bit to let that happen. Thats my dad unfortunately.

KxMx

I have issues like that with my Nan (and I am almost certain similar issues will crop up as my Mum ages!) so don't think i'm unsympathetic because i'm not.

But I realised long ago I need to respect her rights to act like that, and not over stress about things that I won't be able to change.

If you can't change the problem then you can change how you react to and deal with it For your own sanity if nothing else.

EDIT: Nan will now have her mobile on during the day when at home, but not after 8pm "they can ring the landline" or when she is out "i don't want that going off in the town". I don't think she'd even hear it in her bag as she's only one good ear and it's in a purse too! But her phone her choice

She did a while ago have a landline failure which was difficult because she was still only switching it on to make a call then turning off. Oh dear lol progress has been made since then.

[Deleted User]

KxMx wrote: »

I have issues like that with my Nan (and I am almost certain similar issues will crop up as my Mum ages!) so don't think i'm unsympathetic because i'm not.

But I realised long ago I need to respect her rights to act like that, and not over stress about things that I won't be able to change.

If you can't change the problem then you can change how you react to and deal with it For your own sanity if nothing else.

Yes but then when I say sorry I can't do that - because hes made it so awkward for me because of being stubborn - I get the guilt trip!

I just think "why can't you do this one thing that'll take you 5 minutes and will save me hours or bags of hassle" !

KxMx

Then ignore the guilt trip. Nod and say "yes Dad, no Dad" etc. Or remind him you offered an alternative which was his choice to reject. Or calmly offer that " it may have worked if you'd have done X which was suggested"

Take a deep breath, smile and move on.

I've someone in my life that was fond of doing this, now I don't "feed" the reaction it's happening much less often, and is over quicker!

[Deleted User]

KxMx wrote: »

Then ignore the guilt trip. Nod and say "yes Dad, no Dad" etc. Or remind him you offered an alternative which was his choice to reject. Or calmly offer that " it may have worked if you'd have done X which was suggested"

Take a deep breath, smile and move on.

I've someone in my life that was fond of doing this, now I don't "feed" the reaction it's happening much less often, and is over quicker!

Yes. Good idea. It got cancelled after. So he sat there in the ward and asked staff to ring his neighbour who had gone out. Apparently, neighbour has mobile too but dad didnt take that number with him! So he sat there for 3 hours until staff finally managed to get hold of neighbour.

Then moaned to me on the phone! I did point out that if he'd had his mobile with him and his neighbours mobile no it would have been easier. The wonders of mobile phones!

I did point out that a taxi home rather than wait 3 hours would also have been an option. Probably £10 tops. But nope never in a million years.

It will sink in eventually I can only hope!