Daughter is in no mans land help needed

fabforty

LPH39 wrote: »

Ok, I was hoping to get some actual help on here, about things I know nothing about.


£600 a month is not enough for a person to live on when you take into account the cost of travel to and from uni and work, food, clothing, accommodation and necessities. Sometimes she works until midnight and has to get a taxi home for her own safety its a very rough area. I have every right to judge her grandmother, she has washed her hands of her granddaughter because she is gay. She also didn't give anyone any warning of what she was about to do until I turned up to complete the university funding application and she told me then. And that is only a drop in the ocean compared to some things she has said and done in the past.


Despite the fact my daughter has not lived with me for a few years I have been a supportive parent, I have contributed financially and supported her emotionally with EVERYTHING despite the fact I am disabled myself with a badly autistic child in the family so I cannot work. What little I have had she has been given. I did not throw her out we were forced into making the decision for her to live elsewhere for the safety and wellbeing of my other three young children. As a parent I had a duty to ensure they were safe and cared for and I could not do that due to my older daughters actions at the time.


So people. whilst you are all so happy to make judgements on the situation you actually know absolutely nothing about it, I came here for help and got pulled to pieces. Go to hell the lot of you.


And thank you PMlindylou for the help you tried to give.

All the more reason to be a little less judgemental about the grandmother who, for her own reasons, decided that she couldn't accept your daughter's sexuality. I'm not saying that I agree with her, but if she was that bad I'm guessing you would have sent your daughter to live with someone else, foster care if necessary.


£600 probably wouldn't go far if your daughter was renting a home on her own and had to pay bills, rent, council tax and everything else - hopefully her partners parents are not charging her rent as such - but it should be enough to make a contribution towards food and extra utilities, and pay for her travel and personal items. With the Summer holidays approaching, she might be able to do some extra hours at work. Extras like new clothes and socialising will have to wait. If she is going to university in September, she will no doubt apply for loans/student funding - so realistically she just needs to get through the next three months. It probably won't be as hard as you think it will.


ETA - Now that your daughter's behaviour is no longer an issue, is moving back home a possibility?

shegirl

LPH39 wrote: »

Ok, I was hoping to get some actual help on here, about things I know nothing about.


£600 a month is not enough for a person to live on when you take into account the cost of travel to and from uni and work, food, clothing, accommodation and necessities. Sometimes she works until midnight and has to get a taxi home for her own safety its a very rough area. I have every right to judge her grandmother, she has washed her hands of her granddaughter because she is gay. She also didn't give anyone any warning of what she was about to do until I turned up to complete the university funding application and she told me then. And that is only a drop in the ocean compared to some things she has said and done in the past.


Despite the fact my daughter has not lived with me for a few years I have been a supportive parent, I have contributed financially and supported her emotionally with EVERYTHING despite the fact I am disabled myself with a badly autistic child in the family so I cannot work. What little I have had she has been given. I did not throw her out we were forced into making the decision for her to live elsewhere for the safety and wellbeing of my other three young children. As a parent I had a duty to ensure they were safe and cared for and I could not do that due to my older daughters actions at the time.


So people. whilst you are all so happy to make judgements on the situation you actually know absolutely nothing about it, I came here for help and got pulled to pieces. Go to hell the lot of you.


And thank you PMlindylou for the help you tried to give.

£600 a month is plenty for an 18 year old to live on! How many 18 year olds do you know having £600 or more cash in their hands every month?

She is not at uni yet so that does not come into it. Once at uni she will be eligible for student finance.

How much money do you think students usually have?

Annabee

MSE forums at their worst. Some posters are just on the attack, and not interested in helping at all. Sad people.

The parents/guardians of someone studying at A-level equivalent are able to get Child Benefit until the end of the summer before they start uni (probably 31 August, like a PP said). In theory, if the young person is living with someone else that person should be able to claim this money, as the grandmother did, but I am unsure if this still applies if the person is not related. It would probably take a long time to sort out, and since we are only talking about 3 months, couldn't your daughter just give some of her wages to her partner's family, and maybe you give them a bit as well? Just until she starts uni.

Once she starts uni she will not be entitled to child benefit or any other benefit. She will be eligible for Student Finance, though, and hopefully will be able to manage on that, if necessary topped up with a part-time job. Will she be moving to a different town and living in student accommodation? A lot depends on where the university is, London and the South East being more expensive of course (although I believe students receive more money if they are studying and living in London). The poorer a family are, the more their student son/daughter will receive from Student Finance, and she may also be eligible for a small bursary from her university. Possibly the fact that she has not lived at home for the last 3 years, and that she is now 'estranged' from her grandmother may enable your daughter to receive more from student finance. I know this happens with older students, but I am unsure if this equally applies to an 18 year old. If you are unsure about the student finance application, I'd suggest your daughter/you ring them - they are usually very helpful. The Student welfare office at her university may also be helpful.

shegirl

Has everyone gone blind? All replies have given the op advice/answered questions.

Is not giving them the response they really want (as in lying) classed as attacking and judging? Someone needs to rewrite the dictionary...

missbiggles1

Annabee wrote: »

MSE forums at their worst. Some posters are just on the attack, and not interested in helping at all. Sad people.

The parents/guardians of someone studying at A-level equivalent are able to get Child Benefit until the end of the summer before they start uni (probably 31 August, like a PP said). In theory, if the young person is living with someone else that person should be able to claim this money, as the grandmother did, but I am unsure if this still applies if the person is not related. It would probably take a long time to sort out, and since we are only talking about 3 months, couldn't your daughter just give some of her wages to her partner's family, and maybe you give them a bit as well? Just until she starts uni.

Once she starts uni she will not be entitled to child benefit or any other benefit. She will be eligible for Student Finance, though, and hopefully will be able to manage on that, if necessary topped up with a part-time job. Will she be moving to a different town and living in student accommodation? A lot depends on where the university is, London and the South East being more expensive of course (although I believe students receive more money if they are studying and living in London). The poorer a family are, the more their student son/daughter will receive from Student Finance, and she may also be eligible for a small bursary from her university. Possibly the fact that she has not lived at home for the last 3 years, and that she is now 'estranged' from her grandmother may enable your daughter to receive more from student finance. I know this happens with older students, but I am unsure if this equally applies to an 18 year old. If you are unsure about the student finance application, I'd suggest your daughter/you ring them - they are usually very helpful. The Student welfare office at her university may also be helpful.

Not sure what thread you've been reading - that's exactly what everybody said!

Annabee

OK it is true that many (not all) posters, gave advice to the OP (including you Shegirl), (some of which I missed whilst I was typing my first post) but there was a large side order of judgemental comment in there. There is no need for that, and it is not what this board is supposed to be for. The OP has been alienated and has disappeared. Also, not criticising the OP would be 'lying'?? What?

Have a look at this post from Martin Lewis:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=365935

Not that anyone seems to take any notice!

SuperAllyB

I know its not helpful and I probably shouldn't say it. But has anyone else noticed the irony in the thread title given the daughter's sexuality?

Andypandyboy

To be fair, the responses were no more judgemental than the opinion the OP voiced on her daughters paternal grandmother. I think that had she not taken that tack the responses would have been less barbed. Posters generally reap what they sow, and stating they only want certain types of responses is almost guaranteed to garner the opposite.

Whatever the rights or wrongs the grandmother took the girl in and housed her for almost 3 years, when it seems there was no other alternative apart from care or worse.

Most posters simply pointed that out along with the fact that few teenagers have anything like £600 disposable income plus the prospect of student finance from September.

dippy3103

Your daughter can live on her wages until she qualifies for student finance. Her partners Mum may be able to claim tax credits until September.

Your daughter sounds like a grafter if she's working those hours on top. She'll be ok.


As for if the relationship breaks down, cross that bridge if it comes to it

Thomas_The_Tank_Top

Annabee wrote: »

Have a look at this post from Martin Lewis:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=365935

Not that anyone seems to take any notice!

Martin Lewis does not own these boards matey-breath. He sold them for £7+ Million.

And another thing. The only sin on the Bennies board, IS to be judgemental. Sounds like the entire family are claiming them, and wanting more!