Teenagers travelling alone

onomatopoeia99

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I literally cannot believe the amount of people on here who claim they used to go here there and everywhere, on their own, on long haul journeys on trains and planes and coaches, unaccompanied when they were only 10 to 14ish. Just gallivanting about with no adult supervision. In addition, they are claiming they let their kids do the same.

I didn't, but I knew other children in my year at school (primary and secondary) that did. They were both "good schools" in a mainly affluent area (London commuter belt), although my parents weren't wealthy. The sort of schools that people with small children buy houses near to be in the catchment area.

Some flew out alone in the school holidays to join parents that were working overseas, some just routinely recounted some long journey they'd undertaken alone to visit a relative, as if it was nothing special.

I'd never have been allowed to do any of that. But, it seems to me that the tighter the apron strings are pulled when they are children, the further they will fly in the end. I bought my own car (and ran it, all with my own money) when I was still living with them, and then left for university and never came back to live at home full time, deliberately getting a job over 100 miles away after graduating..

TBagpuss

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I literally cannot believe the amount of people on here who claim they used to go here there and everywhere, on their own, on long haul journeys on trains and planes and coaches, unaccompanied when they were only 10 to 14ish. Just gallivanting about with no adult supervision. In addition, they are claiming they let their kids do the same.

Hopping on buses here there and everywhere, around your own town, yes, of course, many kids do that, OR maybe on a longer journey (say to the next town,) with their friends. But some people are claiming they - or their children - travelled 1000s of miles away, on their OWN at 11, 12, 13. There are many places where you cannot even enter without an adult unless you are over 14, (like a concert venue, or a pub, and even some sports centres,) yet people are claiming to have travelled the world alone, and let their kids do the same at a younger age than this! :huh:

I didn't ever travel on trains and planes and coaches on long haul trips alone til I was 16... For one thing, my parents would never have allowed that, (until I was 16,) and secondly, I wouldn't have wanted to go wandering off on my own on a long haul trip.

I am genuinely shocked at people letting school age children go off on their own, on long distance journeys on trains and planes. Nobody I know would do that. Everyone I know would be too worried about their welfare and safety.

Perhaps those of your acquaintances who do allow their children a little more independence chose to be discreet about it so as not to have to deal with this sort of attitude?

I think that a sensible 15/16 year old should be absolutely fine doing all of those things. I also think that it is appropriate to help them to build up to it gradually, and to talk to them about what steps they could take if things went wrong.

examples from my own experience:

Age 12 - travelled from Bristol to Newcastle by train with my unaccompanied by any adult. (no changes involved)

Age 15 - regular trips by bus to local city (about 50 mins by bus) to go ice skating and to the theatre. usually with friends by sometimes alone

Age 16 - travelled to France alone to visit pen-pal. Included train to London, getting tube to meet with relative with whom I stayed overnight, then getting coach from Victoria to Paris, crossing Paris via Metro and getting train to Blois.

I and my siblings were all encouraged to be independent - my sister started cycling to school alone when she started at secondary school - she had a few 'dry runs' in the holiday to ensure she was confident of the route. We all walked to primary school, and did so unaccompanied by the age of 9.
My younger brother attended Glastonbury festival for the frost time with friends and without any responsible adults when he was 17.

I have a very vivid memory of a job I had when I was about 21 or 22. I was bury planning a solo trip to America, where I was going to visit New York, Washington, and the Carolinas. A colleague was absolutely horrified at the idea I would be travelling alone. She had a daughter who was the same age as I was and was comparing me to her daughter, who had never had the opportunity to do anything independently and, as a consequence, was both scared and incompetent when it came to travel.

My mother admitted to me (years afterwards) that when I went to France, she was a nervous wreck, and didn't sleep for worry for about 2 days before, and 2 days after,my trip out, and two days before I was due to come back. But she and my dad felt it was important to encourage all of us to develop independence so they didn't express those fears to us; they encouraged us to do things, and go places. I now see it as an incredibly valuable thing which they did for us, and I am very grateful.

We started small and built our way up - for instnace, we used to visit London with one or other of our parents from time to time, they would encourage us to look at the time-tables and platform announcement to work out where we had to go, encouraged us to use the tube map and the A-Z to find our way around etc, so none of those things were strange or intimidating when I first went to London by myself.

On a smaller level, when we were much younger and started walking to school alone, we did it in increments - starting by a parent walking almost the whole way, but letting us do the last little bit, when the school was in sight, then gradually building up.

I think it varies a huge amount from one child to another, and I think the younger you start, with small, age-appropriate trips, the easier it is to build on. And the first steps are very small ones - letting your child go to the corner shop alone (if necessary walking with them far enough that this doesn't involve crossing any roads), for example.

I do think that we are much more over protective than previous generations were. I recall having a similar conversation with my parents - my dad used to go to school by bus (which involved a change) from the age of 5, and he and his brother travelled by train to the French Alps, when they were aged 12 and 15, because there wasn't enough space for them to go by car with their mother, so they went by train and met up at the other end.

I felt very sorry for some of my contemporaries when I arrived at university at the age of 18, as many of them had had over protective parents and had no experience of doing things for themselves. It must have been pretty scary to find themselves thrown in at the deep end at that point.

Gloomendoom

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

I'd never have been allowed to do any of that. But, it seems to me that the tighter the apron strings are pulled when they are children, the further they will fly in the end. I bought my own car (and ran it, all with my own money) when I was still living with them, and then left for university and never came back to live at home full time, deliberately getting a job over 100 miles away after graduating..

You may have a point there. I was one of those children who undertook (pre-arranged) long haul train journeys while I was still in single figures and was allowed freedom to travel pretty much where I wanted when I got into my teens. However, my parents kept a much tighter reign on my sisters, and they were the ones went off to uni and didn't come back.

Spendless

I love the emotive language being used in this thread. How exactly do you gallivant around a bus/train station or airport?? :think:

Today, I happened to be telling my now 15yo how his aunts had reacted the first time I'd let him travel to the nearest city Uni via train and tram. His reaction was 'Oh no, what could possibly go wrong, I might have got off at the wrong stop and had to ring you if I couldn't work out how to rectify my mistake'

Jagraf

My OH best mate got on the train at Euston and was meant to get off at Birmingham. He ended up at Crewe or stoke as he fell asleep, so he got back on in the opposite direction, fell asleep again, ended up at Euston. Quickly got on another train which set off and he remembered he had left his bike on the Euston inbound train. Got off at I think it was Watford, and got the train back to Euston. Then got another train out and managed to get to Birmingham.

This is a true story which happened years and years ago - he's now in his forties and it was the subject of much amusement at his wedding.

Despite this, he is still useless and is late for absolutely everything.

lostinrates

Spendless wrote: »

I love the emotive language being used in this thread. How exactly do you gallivant around a bus/train station or airport?? :think:

Today, I happened to be telling my now 15yo how his aunts had reacted the first time I'd let him travel to the nearest city Uni via train and tram. His reaction was 'Oh no, what could possibly go wrong, I might have got off at the wrong stop and had to ring you if I couldn't work out how to rectify my mistake'

Well, occasionally people do Behave poorly on public transport. This is often youths. But last train journey I was on was a group of professionals ( who DH says he has encountered before). They were like a black comedy of middle England's worst characters.

Maybe that's what is meant?

Buzzybee90

No, I said I would be nervous in London alone as a child, which is pretty fair, it's not the most relaxing place!

Nothing to do with public transport as an adult, I regularly use trains, the underground and fly, I don't think I'd be any different than if I caught the bus every day when I was younger.

I can't think of anyone that doesn't use or understand trains etc. now, I'd say it makes zero difference.

Jagraf

Gloomendoom wrote: »

You may have a point there. I was one of those children who undertook (pre-arranged) long haul train journeys while I was still in single figures and was allowed freedom to travel pretty much where I wanted when I got into my teens. However, my parents kept a much tighter reign on my sisters, and they were the ones went off to uni and didn't come back.

Not being funny but I doubt kids won't come home ever again if they don't go on a train on their own when they are young

I think 'tighter reign' can mean all kinds of things, and doesn't just relate to travel, and those skills you can learn whilst travelling can be learned different ways too. My DD cycles for miles and miles rather than getting on a bus. But she does catch he bus for short journeys as she does he train. I'm sure that will change depending on where she wants to get to, and I would never stop her, and this summer she will be using public transport more to get from A to B and C.

I have to say, although I'm well travelled, I tend to not talk about it much. My ex husband and his family put travel on the top of their list - and my ex regularly exaggerated his 'meeting at Sydney airport' into a fortnight travelling around Australia.

And the ex MIL and FIL stories of their caravan holidays made me :eek::eek: whatever country they'd managed to get to. :rotfl:

balletshoes

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

I've only done two of these things alone and I was over 18 :rotfl:

I had no need to do them before and would have been very nervous in London alone as I wasn't used to big places or public transport until I was at least 18.

Where are all these 15 year olds going by themselves?

at 15 I went into the nearest town by myself on the weekends, either cycled in or took the bus. I lived on a farm, so if I wanted to spend my saturday job money, i had to go to town.

My daughter is 14, and she takes the bus into the city centre to meet up with friends and they go window-shopping etc together.

Buzzybee90

balletshoes wrote: »

at 15 I went into the nearest town by myself on the weekends, either cycled in or took the bus. I lived on a farm, so if I wanted to spend my saturday job money, i had to go to town.

My daughter is 14, and she takes the bus into the city centre to meet up with friends and they go window-shopping etc together.

Yep that's fair enough, I meant these long national express/train journeys though.

I suppose nowadays we have internet shopping, some people never actually visit the highstreet!