Teenagers travelling alone

Savvy_Sue

duchy wrote: »

I remember them turning down jobs and college places less than half an hour away by train as "too far"

Possibly the hardest thing I've had to do so far as a parent is put DS2 (the one who could get lost in a paper bag) on a train to London, with a rucksack, to go and stay in a hostel while house / flat hunting prior to starting a job there.

He declined the offer of going to stay with his grandparents - either long or short term - because it was 'too far out': a journey his uncle takes daily, and very similar to the one I used to take daily at his age.

I do not know what this says about him! So far he's moved three times, getting closer to work each time, and he's been able to cycle to work (on a Boris Bike). Every time I go to London now I am terrified by the traffic and the thought that he cycles through it.

I guess I must have done something right, despite his complete inability to find his way from school to his dad's work on his own when he was 14 or so. It was through familiar places, and we talked it through very carefully the night before, but he still managed to head off in completely the wrong direction (into a fairly dodgy part of the city!)

LilElvis

Half of our children today go on to higher education at age 18, which usually entails living independently. How are they supposed to be prepared for this if they aren't even capable of taking a simple bus or train journey by themselves?

lostinrates

Jagraf wrote: »

Exactly, there are more life changing events than pubic transport.

But imagine being offered life changing opportunity and not having the independence or wherewithal or simply.....require your parent's permission to get the train to take it up!

The skills gained through using public transport are transferable ( as with other things in life). You learn to time manage, be aware of surroundings, maybe some social skills, ( sharing space etc), filling time and occupying yourself, independence to name a few.

Reading bus and tube maps CAN be confusing, but the skill gained can be applied ...with varying ease and success in other countries, useful as a tourist, student overseas or if working overseas....the latter two are increasingly likely for younger generations.

Its so easy to neglect this aspect of giving children independence, especially if you do not live near a city with good transport, but it is worth making the effort to make children comfortable with public transport. ( just as it is to make them comfortable with how to walk safely and no rules like closing gates behind them, when in rural areas). Its far easier to become comfortable with things as a child.

My husband and chatted about this earlier today. We are both slightly odd that we were brought up internationally, so were used to planes etc, and being collected at one end. I was put on and then picked up in uk be school from quite an early age, and at school there wasn't public transport, but to get to or from there might be ( so they could put us on trains for exeats for example). My husband was running to the shop in major cities on errands before double digits...for a loaf of bread, or milk, and thinks he was using the tube by eleven ( his grandfather had pointed out his brother and he would be using public transport to get to school by then) but they were familiar with public transport in several cities.

I don't think I would have felt comfortable on tube/ metro so much, but was happy on bus routes I knew. ( because of course, we usually used buses) however I did know central tube connections and lines well, because my parents were determined I knew my way round London and A couple of other cities.

Frogletina

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

.....people can only get married with their parent's permission

Not true. If the parent does not give permission for a 16 or 17 year old to get married then the courts can give their permission.

frogletina

Jagraf

Next year I will be asking whether I should chaperone DD during her driving lessons 😜

gettingtheresometime

Frogletina wrote: »

Not true. If the parent does not give permission for a 16 or 17 year old to get married then the courts can give their permission.

frogletina

Didn't know that (so I've learnt something today lol!) but the point stands....the 16/17 year old still needs permission

Gloomendoom

Jagraf wrote: »

Next year I will be asking whether I should chaperone DD during her driving lessons ��

Not if she's married already.

I did wonder if this was one of those "wind-em-up" threads

mama4321

"Didn't know that (so I've learnt something today lol!) but the point stands....the 16/17 year old still needs permission"



Not in Scotland - no consent required to leave home or get married at 16

Peter333

I am seeing some incredibly bizarre assumptions on this thread. :huh:

And some very judgemental remarks.

I think people seem to be under the impression that if a child travels very little on their own - long distance - by bus or train between 11 and 16, that they will never be able to get a bus or train or plane on their own - like, ever. In addition, a few posters seem to be under the impression that they'll never be able to do anything for themselves without aid and assistance. That's just ridiculous.

We have lived in a rural area for quite a few years, and our kids getting public transport was not an option. They were driven almost everywhere by us. (Including to school.) As for one of my children getting a train to another part of the country, 100s of miles away - alone at the age of 11 or 12: no chance. And would I let my daughter travel alone on the train with 2 train changes, to meet someone we didn't know (100s of miles away,) at 14 or 15 years old? No way. If other people want to let their daughter do it, then fine, but I would not do it.

And my sister always took her daughter (my niece) to school, as it was 2.5 miles away, and the bus stop alone was a 20 minute walk. Some people let their kids walk the 2.5 miles to school (and back,) on a route of lonely woodland paths and busy roads. That was their decision to let the children walk. No way would my sister she let my niece walk.

It's all about different parenting and different views. And nobody should be judged for it.

My kids only usually got trains and planes with us, and didn't go on them alone (or with friends) until they were at college (so 16.) They went on school trips without us of course, but never on long distance public transport alone.

Guess what?! My daughter and my niece are now both at university, and they both live away from home independently - 150 and 180 miles from home. My daughter has backpacked across 9 European countries with 2 friends, she has travelled to America on her own, (and visited 5 different states,) she has been to France on her own, to visit a friend, she has 2 placements for uni this summer - both abroad - she goes everywhere by bus in her university town, and she travels across the country on the train alone. My niece did part of her degree course in America, and also travels everywhere by train and bus and plane alone.

My two sons (late 20s,) both own their homes, they both have successful careers, they both drive, they both travel abroad a lot, and they both left home by 20. All three of our children never got long distance public transport on their own until they were around 16. Yet they are all perfectly normal mature able independent adults, despite the assumptions to the contrary (from some.)

To suggest that because a child/teen who doesn't travel alone on public transport regularly from the age of 11 is going to be some emotionally stunted, socially inadequate, timid little fragile lamb who won't be able to even wipe their own backside, let alone travel on a bus alone even when they're 30!!! is both laughable and offensive.

Similarly, people assuming that children who travel on their own a lot on public transport from 10/11 years old are going to somehow be more mature and streetwise and smart and savvy, and light years ahead of people who got lifts from parents most of the time up to the age of 16, need to get a clue. Like someone said earlier (Jagraf I think,) there is a LOT more to being a 'grown-up' than travelling alone on public transport from the age of 11.

And why are people assuming because a child/teen does not travel ALONE on train and planes that they don't travel on them at ALL? My children came frequently with me and my wife on long distance trips on public transport.

Like I said, people are saying the most bizarre and hilarious things on this thread. And some posters are being very rude towards people who won't/didn't let their kids on long distance public transport trips until they were 16 or so. Makes me wonder why they are being so rude and sarcastic and demeaning? Trying to convince yourself of something?

Still can't fathom why certain people on this forum are unable to put their views across, without mocking and berating and belittling. It is possible to have a different viewpoint/disagree with others, without putting that person down and mocking them.


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mgdavid

Lily-Rose wrote: »

..........

I'm outta here!

good; we will manage without the self-appointed forum police just fine! Nobody's taken offence or umbrage despite a good exchange of opposed views, and plenty somewhere in between.