Coming To Terms With Your Memories

Gleek

I know on one hand it's really to come to terms with things you don't want to remember - just stop thinking about them. Unfortunately it's not always that simple and our minds keep brooding about things.

One childish example is that a couple of hours ago I saw someone I didn't want to see whilst in the supermarket. I don't think she saw me but I did a quick about turn and headed down another aisle. This is someone who made my life hell for the best part of a year over a really stupid and childish situation from 14 years ago when we were in year 11 and it's the first time I've seen her since we left. It ruined what otherwise was a great time at school. Whether or not people believed the things she was saying - mud sticks and she made sure more and more went round. For a 15/16 year old it was horrific and I wish now I could stop thinking about now I'm touching 30!

It's just one of a few things that I don't want to remember anymore - but can't seem to forget. I find a lot of things come back to mind late at night when trying to sleep too! (sods law!)

How do you come to terms with things you don't want to think about?! It's not the only thing I'd like to forget!

ecgirl07

I found mindfulness helpful. Found it through a book called the Confidence Gap by Russ Harris. Heres a bit more about it

http://www.thehappinesstrap.com/m/mobile_pages.asp?pageID=37

carefullycautious

You have life, don't waste it on something you had no control over. If you do then that person who wronged you has won.


We all have something in our past lives that are best forgotten. Forgive whoever and whatever and move on.


learn to change a negative thought into a positive one, try it it does work.

Gleek

I have heard about mindfulness, I keep meaning to look into it - thanks for that

academiablues

I don't think it's possible to control your thoughts in that way, unfortunately for example, try not thinking about a polar bear...
...bet I know what you're thinking about!
What you can control is how much time you spend dwelling on them. You can distract yourself with other things, use mindfulness or relaxation techniques, or choose to have the memories and still move forwards with your life. The memories are a part of you, but you can still do the things that you want to do as well.
Good luck

BigAunty

I'm with the others proposing mindfulness and meditation. I also have an interest in secular (non-religious buddhism) which teaches a lot about compassion for yourself and others. Buddhist philosopy pre-dates modern psychology and seemed to predict a lot of it and influence some of the treatment because of its focus on easing suffering and promoting peace with yourself.

The point of meditation and mindfulness is to help anchor yourself in the present moment which prevents you from worrying about the past and being anxious about the future.

They teach you how to let things be (which is different from ignoring or distraction), how not to get caught up in your thoughts but step away from them and be more a witness to them than an actor of your emotions. On the compassion front, you learn how to 'forgive' I suppose, or at least not react to, people that have caused you harm.

mgdavid

simple, think forwards not backwards. Concentrate on what you want to do tomorrow, or achieve next week, or plan for the next few months. Live in the here and now, think in the future. The only time the past enters my head is when others want to reminisce, or when I draw on the good bits of the past in order to shape the future.

Counting_Pennies_2

Definitely mindfulness meditation, recently done a course on it and it was great.


I have also in the past written a letter to the person who has caused me most hurt and put it all down on paper. I have then read it aloud, let the tears run down my cheeks and given myself time to recognise why I feel that way. Then either put it in the bin, fire or saved it on my computer to read it later on if the anger boils up enough.


I have come perilously close to sending it to the person, but I am aware that will just open up another period of hurt for me.


Another thing I do if a bad moment pops into my head I get up and get busy with something else until the moment passes.


hth

Gleek

Thank you very much everyone, I am feeling much better now. Just for a couple of hours today I was back being 15/16 again and wondering how I let it all happen and why didn't I just.... etc. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

There's a lot of things I wish I'd done differently throughout my life - like a lot of people. Like a poster up there says - the more you try to think about something, the more it's the only thing you can think about! That's a pain in the bum! Will definitely look into mindfulness, it sounds exactly what I need.

Thanks again, all! x

pendragon_arther

I used to work a lot with people who were trapped in the negative thought pattern. Really it boils down to being hard on oneself. I used psychotherapy, CBT and one important tool was Existentialism, my interpretation of allowing yourself forgiveness for all your sins and accepting yourself for who you are and to not be hard on yourself. What could help is a relaxation tape made by a good hypnotherapist which you could play before going to sleep. Loiuse Hay does a good affirmation tape which bombards the mind with positives.

Forgive yourself and all will be well in your world.

Esqui

I tried locking up the painful memories and just ignoring them (for 6 years). It was not the best solution, as it did make it harder to deal with now. But I managed through open discussion with people I trusted; I'm now at the point where, yes, I think about it, but it's not causing me any huge problems (I'm still oversensitive about certain things though). It does take a while for your head to process it though, and until that's done, there's not a lot people can do to sort it for you