feeling hopeless

REM2015

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this and need some much needed advice. I have ran up around £12k in debt. This has only been in the last year (Nothing to show for it but the feeling of guilt). I told my partner back in Oct 14. He agreed to contribute as £1/2k was his and he also said if both of us were paying for it, it would clear quicker which made sense. Since then nothing was getting cleared but interest. He has been distant lately and when I brought up going into a DMP he avoided it and made some excuse he had to be somewere and couldn't listen. So I have been dealing with this on my own and setting up my DMP. He told his dad last weekend (who was understanding as he'd been in this position before). So he passed information on to help me get help.

This week I have contacted all my creditors, sent bank letters making them aware I am about to enter a DMP. During this time he has been debating whether he wants to stay with me as I have ruined/delayed plans for our future. We have just signed a contract for our house for another 12 months. He has made it all very clear that I have broken his heart and shattered his plans, he is now away to stay with his parents for a few days to figure out what he wants. I feel so guilty and sad that i'd rather us not be together and let him live his life and not drag him down.

Sometimes I feel he is over reacting and it's not the end of the world. People are in worse off situations.

We have been together 6.5 years, 4 years living together, a puppy, decent jobs.

Tixy

Hi and welcome to the forum

Hopefully in a few days he will be back and ready to support you (emotionally) whilst you deal with your debts.

Do you and he know why you ended up in so much debt?

If he has known about the debt since October and you have just extended your tenancy then hopefully that suggests that he isn't planning to let these debts come between you and your long term relationship.

Have your DMP provider given you an indication of how long the DMP is likely to last? Who is your DMP going to be with?

Does he understand what a DMP is? and that it won't affect his finances / credit file etc as long as you have no joint account?

Are there other things you could do to help demonstrate to him your commitment to clearing the debts as quickly as you can (overtime/second job/anything to sell etc?)

Puddylove

To be honest, if someone isn't going to be there for the bad times, they're !!!! all use as a partner anyway...
i think all you can do is plan for being together, and have a back up plan for being single. Be careful regarding the joint tenancy - you could be liable for the lot.
But if you plan to build a life together, you both need to be more honest about finances.
Good luck with the DMP.
P x

rockm87

Hi, sorry to hear about your situation.

Maybe you need to leave him a few days to see what happens. It can be a big shock, it could also be that he just assumed he can live how he liked and you should be taking care of things, as apparently he added to debt but didnt seem to worry about actually paying it off.!!

the time has past for blame, and you need to work together for a new goal and to sort it out. Its not just up to you to pay for his 'dreams and plans'. life doesnt work like that, it changes everyday and if he's the right person for you, you can work it out together...if not.....best you learn that now!

maybe now his head is out of the sand, he can grow up a little!

REM2015

It was careless spending to begin with, then he went away to work, I let him use my CC for his expenses etc, he came home as it was costing more to work away, then I used the credit card to lift cash to pay of his CC's so we could put both of our money together to pay mine.

I am with Stepchange and it 5 years 8 months. I know it will be repaided quicker, but he doesn't seem acknowledge that.

We do have a joint account? I was never told it would effect that as I am putting the payment through it.

Tixy

If you have a joint account you will be financially associated on your credit files.

On a DMP your credit file will be affected, likely you will have defaults registered. This could impact on his ability to get new credit products.

Another potential issue - are any of the debts in the DMP to the bank that the joint account is with? If so you are at risk of them offsetting funds in that account against the debt.

rockm87

I think he has alot to learn luvvy!

Get your own bank account, get together a budget and work through your DMP. If he wants to act like a child and put his head in the sand fine, you want a man who is responsible and supportive.

REM2015

Tixy wrote: »

If you have a joint account you will be financially associated on your credit files.

On a DMP your credit file will be affected, likely you will have defaults registered. This could impact on his ability to get new credit products.

Another potential issue - are any of the debts in the DMP to the bank that the joint account is with? If so you are at risk of them offsetting funds in that account against the debt.

Yes I have a loan with a personal account, Stepchange told me they cant legally take the money as its a joint account.

REM2015

The debt was not behind his back, he has a part to play too. We both used it. I told him the amount as soon as I started struggling! I applied for an IVA and he told me if i went ahead with that it would be over. So I stopped that process and we never really dealt with it there and then until recently its only interest we are clearing due to minimum payments. We also never really spoke about the future is big detail.

Tixy

There have been instances where people have reported banks using offsetting from joint accounts.
Mostly from people posting a few years ago, I cannot recollect seeing any more recent posts.

According to this MSE article http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/setting-off a lender should inform you if it is going to extend setting off to a joint account.

You'd probably have quite a good case to get a refund from them in the unlikely even they did offset from the joint account, but that could still take time and effort.

REM2015

Tixy wrote: »

There have been instances where people have reported banks using offsetting from joint accounts.
Mostly from people posting a few years ago, I cannot recollect seeing any more recent posts.

Oh dear thanks for the heads up!! That debt isn't alot and I think I'd be ok if that did happen. I doubt thats the attitude to think as ive got myself in this mess! But I see a lesson in this and as I said there is people alot more worse off than me