feeling hopeless

Puddylove

Wait - are you saying that some of the debt is his, yet he's giving you a hard time about it?
That doesn't sound very fair or mature to me.
And now, when you are struggling, he's run home to Mum rather than hold your hand, and support you?
There are a lot of lessons to be learned here, I think, and financial management is the least of them.
Px

BlasphemousRumours

He sounds like a manipulative person. He used your credit card for his expenses and then you used that credit card to pay off HIS debts?!

And he told you not to get an IVA? Why? What was his reasoning for this? And why was it his decision to make?

Personally, I would give him his marching orders. His credit cards have been paid off by you and now he's toddled off to mummy and daddy to play some mind games because he's realised that you've got a large debt? Nah mate, get rid.

Also I think for anyone to call you "vacuous and selfish" is utterly out of order and that post has been reported.

REM2015

Puddylove wrote: »

Wait - are you saying that some of the debt is his, yet he's giving you a hard time about it?
That doesn't sound very fair or mature to me.
And now, when you are struggling, he's run home to Mum rather than hold your hand, and support you?
There are a lot of lessons to be learned here, I think, and financial management is the least of them.
Px

Yes, he is struggling with the amount it totals to. Which is scary when there is very little to show for it. He says is unhappy which I can totally understand, I'm not exactly skipping to work everyday. But wanting to take a break seems a bit extreme, you either know if its what you want or not. I think its harder for me because I haven't told my mum due to my dad being ill. I cant add more stress on her head plus I don't know how she will be. disappointed, mad angry??. So i'm left to deal with it all alone. Its amazing how strong you become.:)

REM2015

BlasphemousRumours wrote: »

He sounds like a manipulative person. He used your credit card for his expenses and then you used that credit card to pay off HIS debts?!

And he told you not to get an IVA? Why? What was his reasoning for this? And why was it his decision to make?

Personally, I would give him his marching orders. His credit cards have been paid off by you and now he's toddled off to mummy and daddy to play some mind games because he's realised that you've got a large debt? Nah mate, get rid.

Also I think for anyone to call you "vacuous and selfish" is utterly out of order and that post has been reported.

I dont think hes manipulative, I understand its hard for him and how he seen his future.
He doesn't really understand IVA, DMP. He was worried about my credit rating, but ive dealt with thats long damaged!

Its never really bothered me about paying his CC as I know he will/would of helped me at some stage.

Im sure his dad will be in touch with me over the next few days. Personally im scared to talk to him incase i say something when I am the one who created this mess!!

The joys of life eh!

Puddylove

REM2015 wrote: »

Yes, he is struggling with the amount it totals to. Which is scary when there is very little to show for it. He says is unhappy which I can totally understand, I'm not exactly skipping to work everyday. But wanting to take a break seems a bit extreme, you either know if its what you want or not. I think its harder for me because I haven't told my mum due to my dad being ill. I cant add more stress on her head plus I don't know how she will be. disappointed, mad angry??. So i'm left to deal with it all alone. Its amazing how strong you become.:)

It's better to have no support than someone who lets you down the first time you need him.
If I were you, I'd be planning my future without him, and the next immediate step would be to contact your landlord, estate agent, tell them you are in financial difficulty, and ask if the 12 month contract can be cancelled.
You do sound amazing, strong, and you deserve so much more in a partner (keep the puppy, ditch the loser :rotfl:).
P x

BlasphemousRumours

REM2015 wrote: »

Its never really bothered me about paying his CC as I know he will/would of helped me at some stage.

Well, the time has come for him to help you and look where he is...

I think its hard for people in abusive/manipulative relationships to see it from an outsider's perspective. If he knew about your 12k debt in October 2014 why is he having a tantrum about it now? And why are you responsible for all of his hopes and dreams? Why hasn't he saved for them himself?

P.S. people who threaten to end relationships because their partner wants to enter into an IVA are emotionally abusive not simply naive about DMPs and IVAs etc.

REM2015

BlasphemousRumours wrote: »

Well, the time has come for him to help you and look where he is...

I think its hard for people in abusive/manipulative relationships to see it from an outsider's perspective. If he knew about your 12k debt in October 2014 why is he having a tantrum about it now? And why are you responsible for all of his hopes and dreams? Why hasn't he saved for them himself?

P.S. people who threaten to end relationships because their partner wants to enter into an IVA are emotionally abusive not simply naive about DMPs and IVAs etc.

I dont agree with the abusive/manipulative comments. but the other things you say make sense. Its good to get other peoples views. Thanks...

Firewalker

REM, I'm so sorry to hear about your trouble and that you feel so down. Money and relationships - or shall I say money in relationships - are not easy. But you can work through it.

One thing to consider is the organisation of your finances: do you keep your bamk accounts separate, do you pay for things separately? Next, please look back and figure out what did you spend all this money on: it could be a lot of little things so analyse carefully (Iused to spend close to £300 on coffees and lunch at work, for instance).

Your partner is not behaving in a very mature and committed way either. Still, I feel his pain: finding ourselves in a lot of debt (all on my husband's CCs) almost broke our relationship; and we had been married for 15 years and had a young son and a dog! I almost left because I saw it as a betrayal of our dreams (important) and generally showing lack of concern. We worked through it together but it took a lot of work (and I still sometimes, when cross with husband, mention the fact that I'm the financially frown up.

I think, you should focus on sorting youself out; money problems ate never only money problems - often, they are a sign something is not right with your life. Create healthy money habits and grow. Your partner may decide to be part if this growth or not. If he doesn't, you probably need to revisit the relationship carefully.

Firewalker