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Helping a Highly Sensitive Person or Empath?

Apologies right now if this is in the wrong place but I'm not sure where to post it!

Really would like advice or ideas please!

A friend of mine has told me he is an Empath (someone who is highly tuned in to other people's feelings/emotions/'vibes' ) and finds it a constant struggle to block bad/negative energy from getting him down, he says he gets feelings of dread on a daily basis, heart pounds for no reason etc etc as a symptom of this, certain people drain the energy out of him.
I was wondering if there was any way I could 'infuse him with positive energy' or drain him of bad energy or something to help in some way, or at least some how not be an energy sucking vampire for him!

I know this all sounds far fetched, and I'm not 'trolling', I just want to make him feel better...

Google 'Empath', I haven't explained it very well, there's like 1 in 20 Empaths or something, most commonly it's Highly Sensitive People (Elaine Aron wrote a book about it)

Thanks in advance! X
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Comments

  • meritaten
    meritaten Posts: 24,158 Forumite
    I know exactly what you mean and will PM you if that's ok.
  • raven83
    raven83 Posts: 3,021 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    I am exactly the same, I pick up on peoples feelings and vibes all the time and it can play havoc with my moods.
    Raven. :grinheart:grinheart:grinheart


  • Deeeliteful
    Deeeliteful Posts: 27 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    try putting your question on https://www.spiritanddestiny.co.uk. that would be better than this site. Good luck
  • BigAunty
    BigAunty Posts: 8,310 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    I don't really have the empathy for this type of highly strung person and would avoid them like the plague, so hats off to you for wanting to find ways to mitigate their distress.

    I avoid people who are overly dramatic and who foreground their vulnerabilities like a badge of honour and who frequently return to it as their main topic of conversation. Not that I'm assuming its the case with your pal, just giving my general avoidance strategy for certain types.

    I would much rather the person try to remedy their behaviour, seek treatment and resolution for it rather than have to tip toe around them. Has he looked into ways to manage his sensitivity other than give the impression that others must take it into account?

    I think this makes me a horrible person. Or perhaps the 1 in 20 'Not very Empath' section of the population.

    However, your summary of their description of their empathy just sounds like social anxiety to me, perhaps it was lost in translation rather than being their way of elevating a mental illness into something more special/less stigmatic.

    EDIT - just read a Wiki entry that says Highly Sensitve People are often confused with Social Anxietists so that's my bad. I think I've just invented a word and wish to claim credit for it.
  • B17c
    B17c Posts: 333 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary Combo Breaker I've been Money Tipped!
    Thanks guys! I wasn't sure if I'd be taken seriously! I feel bad for him, and can relate in a way, I think I'm verging on HSP myself but I'm definitely not an Empath, I can't watch the news or read newspapers because I feel the worlds burdens on my shoulders, I hate extremes like loud noises, big crowds etc I'm really sensitive to atmospheres and if people start arguing I find it really uncomfortable... I know how bad it is for me so it must be awful for him!

    Just want him to be able to spend time with me and not feel my emotions etc since they're stronger than most!

    Kind of like in Twilight where Edward says to Bella that he finds it peaceful and relaxing being with her because he can't read her thoughts!! X
    Credit Card Debt:[STRIKE]£12991[/STRIKE] £12526
    14/12/18 27/12/18
    Pay ALL your debt off by Xmas 2019
    #126 £1900/£12526
  • Be careful he isn't actually being the energy sucking vampire himself. It's not your problem to make him feel better or infusing him with positive energy - that sounds a bit controlling.

    Being at my most cynical (something at which I excel), this sounds dangerously like 'I'm a very special, delicate flower whom you must look after and make sure never hears you say No or in anyway puts your own needs, desires and feelings ahead of my own. Because I'm special, not like you. Oh, I'm feeling anxious because you might not like something I'm doing/saying. You made me feel bad. You don't have to say anything, I can feel it, I know you're thinking bad thoughts. Now reassure me. Tell me I'm special again.'

    Hopefully that's not the case - but if he's very sensitive, panicky, anxious and avoiding situations/people, that can be symptoms of depression which can be treated, rather than by the onus falling on you to think happy thoughts all the time.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.
    colinw wrote: »
    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll :D
  • BigAunty
    BigAunty Posts: 8,310 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    B17c wrote: »
    I think I'm verging on HSP myself but I'm definitely not an Empath, I can't watch the news or read newspapers because I feel the worlds burdens on my shoulders, I hate extremes like loud noises, big crowds etc I'm really sensitive to atmospheres and if people start arguing I find it really uncomfortable... I know how bad it is for me so it must be awful for him!

    Just want him to be able to spend time with me and not feel my emotions etc since they're stronger than most!

    To be honest, from a secular buddhist perspective, it just sounds like you both need to consider taking refuge in budda to end your suffering. By practicising meditation, mindfulness and understanding the tenets of this philosophy, you may stop fleeing from the world and learn simply to be. You would learn how to watch your thoughts go by without being caught up in them.

    Take, for example, Vipassana mediation (look it up). It's a meditation technique that teaches equanimity - emotional balance, learning how to not over react to things.

    With a variety of buddhist inspired teachings, you'd learn how to become a little more detached from your thoughts and emotions, how to tame your monkey restless mind and gain true peace.

    And I only saw one episode of this Twilight nonsense where the main protagonists seemed to try and out suffer the other, not really my cup of tea, though KS does a mean quivering lip and quite a few of my lady friends wouldn't kick her out of bed on a cold morn.
  • B17c
    B17c Posts: 333 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary Combo Breaker I've been Money Tipped!
    Big Aunty, it doesn't make you a bad person to feel intolerant to that sort of thing, I'm pretty intolerant to drama and attention seeking myself!
    He's actually fairly quiet, not shy though, and he !!!!!!s off on his own if he starts to feel bad, doesn't draw attention to it :) as far as I'm aware, I'm the only person he's told within our circle of friends because he fears it's 'not normal' and doesn't want to draw attention to it!
    He's looking into exploring reiki and/or other alternatives when we get paid and he's researched as much as he can on the Internet about it, I think he's worried that if he went to a doctor they'd think he was a nutter and section him! He's in his early 20's and English is not his first language so sometimes it's difficult for him to fully communicate what he means...!
    Credit Card Debt:[STRIKE]£12991[/STRIKE] £12526
    14/12/18 27/12/18
    Pay ALL your debt off by Xmas 2019
    #126 £1900/£12526
  • BigAunty
    BigAunty Posts: 8,310 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker

    Being at my most cynical (something at which I excel), this sounds dangerously like 'I'm a very special, delicate flower whom you must look after and make sure never hears you say No or in anyway puts your own needs, desires and feelings ahead of my own. Because I'm special, not like you. .

    Yeah, got the book and t-shirt on that one from someone who was vulnerable to a professional degree that people had to run rings around her. It's an art form, from what I can see, and its horrible to see not just the degree of manipulation but how effective they can be as a circus master. Quite chilling, really.
  • melanzana
    melanzana Posts: 3,953 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker I've been Money Tipped!
    Is there any chance the person could be an Introvert, not an Empath?

    I am an introvert, but no one would know it apart from certain situations that I choose to avoid!

    I dislike big crowds, parties and weddings etc. where I have to make small talk for ages, with people I don't know that well. Exhausting for me. Need down time to recover!

    There is nothing wrong with this, we are very creative people, but just need quiet and silence sometimes to enjoy our lives.

    What you describe though is someone who is very sensitive. That's OK too, perhaps if more were empathetic, the world would be a better place.

    I do find myself empathising with those who have a hard time. I could not look at the pictures of Isis beheading people and so on. Some can, and it doesn't take a feather out of them.

    Anyway, just for those who may be introverts. Celebrate it! Susan Cain did this talk and it is inspiring, for people like me anyway!

    http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts?language=en

    I hope I didn't take OP's post off topic.

    You see, over thinking things again!
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