tax credits cut so low-advice please

mumof4littleguys

I was originated getting £180 child tax credit. I would pay £145 rent and roughly £25 for school lunches which left me with £10 per week which is why I took up p/t employment. My tax credits have now been reduced to £103 per week so reduced by £80 which I have to make up with my wages meaning im now left with £14 per week.

mumof4littleguys

If I threatened him with not paying the rent he would say so be it and sit back and watch us lose our house.

NYM

Did the £180 include the CB ?

pmlindyloo

I understand what you are saying about not having the fight to confront your partner.

However, from what you are saying this is domestic abuse.

Please have a read of this

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/gender-violence/domestic-violence-and-abuse/#getting_help_from_a_local_domestic_violence_service_or_a_solicitor

and then seek some help.

You do not have to do this on your own. There is support out there.

densol_2

Please take advice - this is a form of domestic violence - it's not all about fists and punching. Controlling money is a classic symptom. You have 4 little ones - they must be exhausting, but find the strength to challenge this man - you can't live like this

BigAunty

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

If I threatened him with not paying the rent he would say so be it and sit back and watch us lose our house.

He would rather let his children go homeless or you to suffer daily hardship on a subsistence income than show his family love and respect? He'd prefer you all to suffer in order to keep control of the purse strings and the disposable income?

Here is a typical thread that pops up on the relationship board. They vary in the harshness of the behaviour but each week, a lady will come along and outline the unequal financial hardship she is experiencing and how their partner refuses to discuss it or change it.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5220582

This lady figured out that she was better off, financially and emotionally, by moving out to her own place. She would have the rent paid on a property and receive significant child benefit/child tax credits in her name.

Can a forum member tell me the going rate that a lone parent working in a low paid job of 16 hours per week and 4 children would get in income? I'm assuming it's something like £100 a week in employment income, a similar figure in Working Tax Credits, £70 in Child Benefit, and perhaps £150 CTC, then most of the rent and council tax paid through HB and council tax reduction? So at least £400 a week?

Then the CMS (successor) to the Child Support Agency would expect a non-resident parent to pay around 20-25% of their income to the parent with care of the child, which doesn't affect the benefits at all, so that might be another £80 a week or more.

Meaning the OP could go from around £4 per week disposable income to around £500 a week before paying basic household bills and after having most or all of her accommodation costs met. This is greater than the level of employment income of the partner who refuses to share it fairly and it goes squarely and directly on herself and the kids.

BigAunty

As stated before, dominating another through financial means is considered to be an element of domestic abuse which does not mean that the victim has to suffer any physical abuse whatsoever to be considered in an abusive relationship.

Does this definition chime with you OP?

"Controlling behaviour is: a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour."

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200410001&itemid=1272&itemTitle=What+is+domestic+violence

dippy3103

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

If I threatened him with not paying the rent he would say so be it and sit back and watch us lose our house.

Can't offer any real extra advice, other than step back & decide what you would advise a friend to do in your shoes?

Sending best wishes for a solution for you xx

pinkypoopydoo

Having been in a very similar position, I would urge you to get advice NOW. My ex had a well paid job, but left me to pay for all food, drink, and clothing for all of us out of the tax credits and child benefit, leaving me with nothing most months to spend on myself. I mean, I literally went for 3 years without a haircut, as I couldn't scrape together the money to get it done. I wore hand me down clothes from neighbours who took pity on me, as I couldn't even justify buying charity shop clothes. He, on the other hand, drove brand new car, bought custom made golf clubs and ate out (without me!) several times a week.In the end, I kicked him out. When he left, he made me sign a bit of paper saying that I would start repaying him for all the household bills that he had paid for the last few months previously, as i "had clearly been using him for the mortgage money". He now pays nothing towards me and our 4 children.

To cut a long story short, 5 years on, and things may be a struggle some months, but we get by. Yes, we relied on income support and tax credits for a couple of years, and to a certain extent, like so many others, we still do rely on tax credits to ensure that the money to pay the mortgage is in on time, but WE MANAGE.

Without knowing you personally, and without knowing the ins and outs, to me, it sounds likes you are in a hugely abusive relationship. Abuse doesn't always need to be a smack in the face or a punch in the stomach. The emotional aspect of abuse can be equally as damaging as the physical side.

He can tell you, until he's blue in the face, that you'll be destitute and homeless, but you won't - it's scare tactics. I promise. Please feel free to message me, if you need any advice from someone who has been in a similar position x

moomoomama27

You need to get out!!

This has nothing to do with CTC and everything to do with DV and abuse. Do you really want your children suffering through this?

What will be next?

Seek help, even if it means you have to go into a refuge with nothing, because you cannot put yourself if your children through this, it's terrible for you all x