Ex wants to change childcare arrangements

Spanishsunawaits

My ex and I have a nearly 3 year old boy G. We share childcare and since he went to nursery 2 years ago, it has worked quite well. He goes to each Nana's on a Monday, his Dad has Tuesday off so he has him and overnight, he then goes to nursery on Wednesday and Thursday, and I have the day off on Friday.

So currently he is in nursery 2 days a week. My ex now wants to change his day off from Tuesday to Saturday so that he can amend the childcare arrangements to have G every other weekend. But that would mean G would need to go to nursery for another day. I think my ex should cover these costs as I cannot afford another day. We had a discussion and he isn't prepared to cover the full costs (£200 per month) even though he can afford it. I can't afford to pay anymore as I've already lost some tax credit anyway. What do you think?

Spanishsunawaits

Sorry, when I said his Dad, I mean the ex. My ex has him on a Tuesday.

Guest101

Think You should each pay 50%.

Presumebly you currently get weekends with your son. His father should get the same.

Equally if you stopped working fridays this would also apply to you.

Further more, if he's there only 2 days, have you checked if you get Local authority subsidy?

Lancashire provide upto 15 hours for 3 year olds for example

Spanishsunawaits

If his mum has G on the Monday, then my ex picks him up from me Sun afternoon and has him until the Tues evening. If my mum has G on the Monday, then my ex picks him up on Sat after work and drops him back with me Sun afternoon.

He wants to change the arrangement so that he can have Sat and Sun off work but only have G every other weekend. In other words, he wants more time to himself, i.e. alternate weekends free for himself. Which is fine, I don't have a problem with that, but I do have a problem with paying the extra nursery fees.

We do get the 15 hours childcare.

TBagpuss

As the change is being made for your ex's convenience, not because he has had to change his working arrangements, it is not unreasonable for your ex to met the additional costs involved, particularly if you cannot afford to do so.
Would his mum be able to help out, perhaps for half the day so the costs are lower?

What does Dad pay you in child support? If your son no longer goes to his Dad on a Tuesday night then that may change his maintenance liability, so you may recoup some of the cost. If so, it would be reasonable to take that into account when splitting the nursery fees.

A more complicated way to look at it would be to work out what income each of you has each week after housing, utilities and food are paid for but bwfore any 'fun' stuff is paid for, and pay for the extra day in proportion to your income. So if he has £100 week after essentials and you have £25 per week after essentials, he would pay 4/5 of the nursery bill and you would pay 1/5

Guest101

Spanishsunawaits wrote: »

If his mum has G on the Monday, then my ex picks him up from me Sun afternoon and has him until the Tues evening. If my mum has G on the Monday, then my ex picks him up on Sat after work and drops him back with me Sun afternoon.

He wants to change the arrangement so that he can have Sat and Sun off work but only have G every other weekend. In other words, he wants more time to himself, i.e. alternate weekends free for himself. Which is fine, I don't have a problem with that, but I do have a problem with paying the extra nursery fees.

We do get the 15 hours childcare.

But you would also have alternate weekends to yourself? Which would have obvious benefits, especially given you dont work friday?

I think you should consider it lucky (though im not saying fair) that he pays towards the child care fees, equally he isnt obligated too. And you arent obligated to change the contact pattern (though every other weekend is considered standard by the courts).

It seems an amicable arrangement currently, and rocking the boat seems misguaided. As the 'full time' parent, child care does fall on you. Now equally you could choose to give up 'custody' let your ex be full time parent and then you would have the time off, he'd be responsible for child care, but then you wont have the benefit of having your child most of the time.

Being the 'main' parent has benefits and consequences and expecting the best of both is not very reasonable imho

Gigglepig

If your ex is currently responsible for the child from Sunday to Tuesday then unless/until you have agreed a different arrangement then IMO he needs to stick to it - but I think you may have difficulty forcing him to stand by the arrangement. Do you have a formal agreement?

Sounds like you have shared care and as others have pointed out this is reflected in the legal minimum child maintenance Pay. If you have more care then the minimum legal maintenance payment should be slightly higher.

Lunar_Eclipse

I think you are correct, but if you've pointed it out and your ex is adamant, it comes down to whether this is a battle you want to fight (& to what degree you "can't afford it" - since people often say this when they really mean it's not their financial priority.)

But if you really can't afford it and you know he can (how?) then continue to make that point - you're willing to consider the change, even though it means another day in nursery for your son (are you happy or just ok with this?) BUT you cannot afford it.

Wonder_Girl

Will your son be 3 before September?

All three year olds are eligible for 15 hours free childcare a week from the start of the school term following their 3rd birthday.

If this is the case it'll only be a increased cost for a short time.

HTH

The_fog_has_lifted

I think if you have an agreement then you should both stick to that agreement, unless you are both happy to change.
That said it boils down to whether he will just change his hours anyway and then you will have 2 options- change your working hours to accommodate you son not being with the ex, or put him in nursery and retrospectively ask the ex for the fees (which he may or may not pay).
Its not fair for him to just change his mind- every other weekend is not 'standard' by the court, especially if the ex has previously requested an alternative arrangement.
If you have shared care and this is his usual day to have your son then it should be down to him to pay for nursery on this day, just as you have to pay for nursery on the days that you are working.
im so sorry its not working out as you had arrange with him previously, i hope you mange to amicably arrange something.

Guest101

The_fog_has_lifted wrote: »

I think if you have an agreement then you should both stick to that agreement, unless you are both happy to change.
That said it boils down to whether he will just change his hours anyway and then you will have 2 options- change your working hours to accommodate you son not being with the ex, or put him in nursery and retrospectively ask the ex for the fees (which he may or may not pay).
Its not fair for him to just change his mind- every other weekend is not 'standard' by the court, especially if the ex has previously requested an alternative arrangement.
If you have shared care and this is his usual day to have your son then it should be down to him to pay for nursery on this day, just as you have to pay for nursery on the days that you are working.
im so sorry its not working out as you had arrange with him previously, i hope you mange to amicably arrange something.

It's very common to be every other weekend. Not sure why your arguing differently?

Anyway OP not been back, so presumebly all sorted