From a desperate newbie...

Georgina180590

Hi,



Nervously popping my head in here to say hello.

I have been sinking and slowly getting into more and moredebt since 2008 and its finally come to a head where I need to sort myself out.

I am hoping I can get help and support from here.

I have finally admitted I have a Shopping addiction, I was diagnosed in 2010 and my debt currently stands at £19,900.

I have 2 Loans – Both were £5000. Which I am paying until2018.

I need to have paid off all other debt and have saved £2000 by 01 October 2015 to finally move out and rent a place with my boyfriend.



I had CBT for my depression in 2012-2014 which has now ‘runout’ and the NHS refuse to give me any help for addiction (spending) so I feelas if I am on my own!



My debts (other thanthe two loans are:

£2,300 - Post Office Credit Card

£800 - Barclays Credit Card

£1,816 - Very.com

£850 – My Mum



= £5,766



I had paid off £1,400 more than that last December but thelast few months I have been finishing my degree and have spent like mad. Feel slowly slowly drowning.



So here is my fresh start…



My plan is:



May: Pay off £1,250 Leaving: £4,516

June: Pay off £1,914 (Getting a £540 Bonus after tax)Leaving: £2,602

July: Pay off £1,600 Leaving: £1,002

Aug: Pay off £700 Leaving: £302 (Also Save £800 for Moving)

September: Pay off £302 (Plus any interest Fees. (Also Save£1,200 for Moving)



I earn £45,000 per annum and have to pay £365 towards myLoans.


Any advice, support, encouragement is hugely appreciated!


G xxx

enjoyyourshoes

Did you identify any source of addiction through analysis of CBT ?


Have you looked into diversion therapy?


Have you looked into the true reason for the addiction ?


Money could provide the resource for you to achieve your life goals, have you any that are truly inspirational/motivational thereby overshadowing the 'compulsion' to spend?


Spending is the symptom, consider what the 'real' problem is and then tackle this with vigour and passion.

dirkio78

Hi Georgina. I am also a newbie and took the plunge of admitting my full debt horrors here last week. Me and my wife have 26k and two years to clear it as a goal. The good news I can see is that you have had your light bulb moment and sought support. Extra good news is that after one week I know that people here do care and get a kick out of helping others who are failing on their own. More good news, you have a good income. It's a double edged sword though as I'm the same income as you plus bonuses and overtime and I had the illusion I was earning enough to justify my carefree spending. I have nothing material to show for that debt but lots of lavish holidays and eating out, drinking and so on. Last week I finally had a cash flow issue that could not be solved with extending credit and I came here to get advice. I would repeat the advice given to me but look in my first post for that. I think it's especially important in your case with the shopping addiction. Look at the posts on the ynab app and commit to doing it. We spent Sunday evening understanding it and setting it up. It was highly demoralizing at first. I could have easily have quit and instead relaxed with wine and tv. But no we spent 4 hours laying out all our anticipated monthly spending. It was disheartening to see that the essential spends plus the one offs for this month such as a family birthday, my child's new shoes, long planned trip and so on meant that there was no spare cash not even enough for a coffee and a cake. So that is the horrible part. But once that is out of the way a burden has been lifted. I am having my shaggy dogs groomed this week. Its expensive and in the past I would know deep down it would add to my debt spiral. But this time I know its in budget and that if I only spend money on my in budget things that my account balance at the end of the month will not give me heart palpitations. Every day and every expense is the same. Trust me the release from stress just by knowing you are following a budget is a massive boost to your state of mind. With your particular spending spree mentality maybe this would be even more of a life changer for you. Furthermore it will allow you to reach those big monthly debt repayment targets. Not just come close but maybe exceed them. I'm only repeating what he gurus here told me but it's because its true.

The more forum posts you read the more you may see you are in a fortunate position to have everything still in your own hands. Tackle it now and once you achieve your debt goal you can maintain the budget mentality and budget for the nice luxuries. Many here are sadly in debt management plans where the debt sizes and inability to pay them have taken decisions away from them. I'm grateful for help i have got here to realise its still all in my hands. It's the same for you. No one knows when a rainy day will come but act now like you are and stop the debt spiral today while it's still manageable. I spent he last year in a drifting state. I knew I was paying over 1000 per month in structured loan repayments. I kid myself I was paying 12000 back per year. But then I let credit cards ramp up and very catalogue like you. In effect I stood still. I'm annoyed and I wouldn't want anyone else to do the same. This is why I wanted to give you this advice as I felt our debt stories are quite relatable. I am starting to change my way of thinking about my earning. So should you. I earn 43k+ but mandatory debt repayments and goal repayments mean I actually earn half of that. So let's spend like it.

Good luck and please reply as its not possible to go it alone. This forum is your support. Even if things go bad and you have a blip, then the forum will help you back up.

Georgina180590

Thank you for replying, I really appreciate it.
The CBT identified that I used spending though my depression, I spent, it made me happy for half an hour, then the euphoria feeling went again and I would have to buy again to make the sadness go away.

I have looked into more thearapy but its all costly, and obviously when trying to save, and fight my way out of debt getting paid help is just eating into money I need to get out of debt.

The true reason for the addiction was to battle my way out of depression, now I am medicated properly, it has become a habit over the past 6 years to wake up and buy something, every single day.

I want more than anything to have a family, get a home with my other half and be comfortable without having to worry about money hanging over me and to who I owe money to.
I try so hard to focus on that yet for example last night I spent another £198 on eBay so I could sleep.

Just feel hopeless and desperate for any type of help.

xx

Tixy

Hi and welcome to the forum.

In terms of the debt payments how have you come up with the amount to pay off each month figures?
Have you worked out exactly what you will have available for debt repayments?

Have you looked out the interest rates on each of the debts and worked out which is costing the most? its best to pay off the debts with the highest APRs first.

Its also generally best to pay off your debts before you start saving - so I wouldn't save anything in August, just put it all to debts and then save anything you have left over in September.

Georgina180590

Thank you so much, I am in tears reading your post.
I am strong and I know I can do this, for my other half and for me.

The thought of having to live like this for life isnt worth it, and like you all I have to show for it is is wardrobes of clothes, bags, shoes, basically worthless materialistic stuff.

I am heading to YNAB now, thank you for recommending it.

I am going to also look for your original post now.

I am sure I will see you around to follow your journey but Good Luck, hopefully we can see the end together xxx

Georgina180590

Tixy wrote: »

Hi and welcome to the forum.

In terms of the debt payments how have you come up with the amount to pay off each month figures?
Have you worked out exactly what you will have available for debt repayments?

Have you looked out the interest rates on each of the debts and worked out which is costing the most? its best to pay off the debts with the highest APRs first.

Its also generally best to pay off your debts before you start saving - so I wouldn't save anything in August, just put it all to debts and then save anything you have left over in September.

Hi ya,

My deadline is 01 October as thats when my other half needs to be out of his place therefore we need to rent by.

By Saving in Aug and then the rest in Sept that gives me £2,000 for fees/deposit etc.

We are lucky enough to be able to get cheap second hand furniture for little to nothing or free.

The debt amounts are more than doable and leaves me with £80 per week for food/petrol and disposible. It will be tough but its only 5 months maximum.

xxx

dirkio78

Good to hear (you are ready to take it on. Not that I made you cry! I'll be starting a debt diary post soon just to keep it at the forefront. Sorry to hear of your depression story. Have a look around this forum at the success stories on debt free roll of honour. It's inspiring to see people have gone through similar and achieved their aims. I havent searched but I expect many shopaholics have also come here for help and can help you too

Tixy

So what plans are you putting in place to try to stop you spending?
Do you have family who are aware of the problem and supportive to help?

You mention it was ebay last night - is it often ebay you spend on? or lots of different websites?

How about cancelling your accounts in the short term to prevent you from spending? Or getting someone (your partner) to reset your passwords and keeping them from you - at least for a while whilst you break the habit)?.

Where do you keep your computer? is it right by your bed when you go to sleep /wake up? can you move it elsewhere?

dirkio78

Sorry one more thing. I just reread your post. Is it absolutely necessary to clear the card debts before you move in? If you can mentally turn yourself around and budget for your spending with ynab, and use that to come up with realistic debt repayments for the coming months, then this would be amazing. That you will have taken control. Would it matter if the debt repayment took some months longer? I'm sure you want a clean slate but to reset your mentality to money is most important. If you reach september and have turned yourself around but not cleared all the card debt then you can be happy that a couple more months of hardship are needed but you will know you can do it. Does your partner know your predicament? Hopefully they will appreciate that overcoming your former self is the first aim. If you have some debt still that you bring with you its only for a few months in the grand scheme. Another poster did say it's best to service debts before saving which is true usually but as you need to contribute 2k to house setup then you could allocate this in ynab and consign the debt to a slightly longer repayment.

Reya

Hi, Georgina

First of all, a big HUG from me. You're facing up to something that's been dragging you down, and you really want to fix it. That takes no small amount of courage, so take a moment to give yourself a mental hug and say, "Yep, I can do this!"

Is there anything else in your life (that doesn't involve spending much money) that you enjoy doing? Is there a craft or sport that you've always fancied taking up, but never got around to trying?

The reason I'm asking is that you're using your shopping habit as your "happiness crutch" so why not try and see if you can build yourself a new happiness crutch that doesn't involve spending money (or, at least, the amount of money you're currently spending). Replace the feelgood factor of shopping with the feelgood factor of, say, taking part in park runs, or quilting, or writing, or drawing, etc. Find something else that makes you happy, and - whenever you get the urge to shop - do that new thing instead.

On average, it takes 66 days to form a new habit [ source ] but - as the old adage goes - a journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step. Your single step is getting up in the morning and NOT switching on the computer!

Secondly, you have lots that can help you with reducing your debt: all the stuff that you've bought! I am not going to suggest that you put it on eBay (therein lies the temptation to shop) but try joining a local Facebook group for selling items in your area. There's one for practically every city, town, and village in the UK, I should imagine. Make everything "collection only" so you don't have to spend money posting things.

Clothing sells particularly well in these groups, especially outgrown baby and toddler clothing, so dig through all those purchases that only made you happy for half an hour and let them go towards making you happy in the long-term by reducing your debt

Finally (and this is 'desperate measures' time) if you really are struggling not to visit certain shopping sites online, there are several more techy things you (and/or your partner) can do:

1. If you don't already have login accounts on your computer, set them up, and ask your partner to choose a password for you; one that you don't know. If you want to use the computer, your partner has to log in for you first. If you can't log in to the computer, then you can't spend. This, though, is a very drastic measure, and it should only be used as a last resort (since you may need the computer for something urgent when your partner isn't around).

2. Ask your partner to change your password on your main shopping sites. Yes, you'll get an email to confirm it, and you can always change it back by using the 'forgot password' option, but - if you find yourself ready to click that 'forgot password' - you can think of that as your reset point; the moment where you stop yourself and say, "No. No, I am stronger than this. I don't need to buy something this badly!"

3. The most useful option is to get your partner to google how to add your usual shopping sites to your computer's HOSTS file. This means that, when you try to visit the site, it simply won't load. (The HOSTS file will affect anyone using that computer, so your partner also won't be able to visit those sites.) It's very simple to do, although the location of the file takes some digging for (I use it all the time for blocking ads online), and - again - if you found yourself trying to find out how to remove those sites from the HOSTS file, that would need to act as your reset point again: "No, I'm stronger than this. This is ridiculous. Do I really need to buy something that much that I'm willing to go through all this crap just to unblock the site?!"

Good luck, and keep us posted! As dirkio78 suggested, start up a DFW Diary (there's a sub-forum for them at the top of the DFW forum) to help you keep on track. You'll find that, the more you visit here and post here, the easier it will be to press that big reset button you've got your finger hovering over right now, and move forward through the door it opens up