Insecurity 10 May 2015 at 7:03PM in MoneySaving mums 5 replies 2.7K views

becky4131

Hey!

I've just returned from backpacking around the world for the last 12 months. Since I have been travelling I think my self confidence has improved massively but not when it comes to guys.
I find it hard to attract guys because I give off vibes that I'm not interested because I'm shy. When I have managed to attract a guy I get very clingy and emotionally involved quickly even after one night stands.

For instance...a couple of weeks ago I had a one night stand in Cambodia with my tour leader. The sex was quick (less than 2 mins) and he left straight away after saying he couldn't stay because it looks unproffesional with his job. Since then I've not been able to stop thinking about him so I told him this in an email, he rejected me and basically said he hoped I would get over it. I can't stop over analysing that night now thinking was I not good enough that's why he left so quickly.

I don't know how to stop this insecurity....I always need praise or I think I've not done very well. I'm not sure how to get over it?

missindecisive

You won't get over feeling insecure after a one night stand..basically he just used you. You will only feel secure in a loving lasting relationship, after you get to know the other person well and you are sure how they feel about you.

Gigglepig

If it were me I'd say Don't have one night stands. Wait until you have a relationship with the guy first.

Guest101

missindecisive wrote: »

You won't get over feeling insecure after a one night stand..basically he just used you. You will only feel secure in a loving lasting relationship, after you get to know the other person well and you are sure how they feel about you.

Unless there was talk of a commited relationship, they used eachother, not just 1 sided.

Cant stand it when one party is accused of using the other, with no basis other than unsaid expectations were not followed through.

Brighton_belle

One night stands are for sex, not feeling loved and cherished. Stop having them.
You chose to have a one night stand with a guy with lives and works in Cambodia? You must have known he was not looking for a relationship: he did not deceive you. You are damaging yourself. I imagine he left quickly because he felt absolutely no emotional connection with you, and wasn't expecting to: that's not generally the deal with a quickie. He also was probably being truthful when he mentioned it looking unprofessional.


Now you are back home, join groups/clubs/activities were people can get to know you behind the shy mask. Start valuing yourself and perhaps looking out for the shy men out there who perhaps think you're too amazing to be interested in them.

AngelOfTheNorth

If the sex only lasted for two minutes, he's done you a great favour by refusing any further contact. I don't know whether you were good enough that night, but I can tell you for absolutely certain that he wasn't.