Should I ask my flatmate to subsidise more of the rent?

florere

You need to tell him that you can't afford it, if he offers to pay more that would be lovely, but it could end up causing resentment. Did you talk about what you could afford before you started looking?

pennypinchUK

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Period. If your friend likes it so much and is willing to pay extra that's up to them, and a separate question. Don't put yourself in debt by deluding yourself you can afford something you don't have the money for.

kibrma

You need to be completely honest with him and if you can't afford it, you need to tell. I recently moved into a two bed flat with a friend where the rent was over my maximum budget and thought I could cope with the rent and bills. However, 2 months down the line, I'm now looking to move out and move somewhere cheaper. Luckily were able to do a name change and she has found someone else to move in, however lesson learnt. Don't move into a place if you can't afford it each month, or if money is going to worry you.

Talk to your friend about your budget, explain that you can't afford it - if he wants to help, great, but don't ask as this puts him in an awkward position.

Pixie5740

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

I'm wondering now if I'm massively out of sync with how other people think, as these replies are so close to unanimous and I don't get it!

I'm putting myself in the shoes of the more well off friend and thinking that I might well want the comfort of living other a friend who I've shared with before but might not want to be restricted by their budget if I can top it up. If I can pay a bit more to get, for example, a bigger kitchen, some nice outside space, a second bathroom, a concierge etc etc. then I'd definitely consider that and wouldn't resent the friend, if they'd been clear and upfront about their maximum budget.

It's the language being used that's the problem. If I were flat hunting with a friend, we'd have discussed budgets first. Even so if we found an amazing place out of my friend's budget and they told me that whilst they liked the flat it was too expensive for them. It would then be up to me whether I liked the flat enough to pay extra for it.

On the other hand if my friend approached it like the OP has, you earn more than me so should pay more that would P me off. Paying extra to get the bigger room, if it was substantially bigger is one thing. Paying extra for a bigger room and then being asked to pay another premium just because you earn more is taking the P.

duchy

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

I'm wondering now if I'm massively out of sync with how other people think, as these replies are so close to unanimous and I don't get it!

I'm putting myself in the shoes of the more well off friend and thinking that I might well want the comfort of living other a friend who I've shared with before but might not want to be restricted by their budget if I can top it up. If I can pay a bit more to get, for example, a bigger kitchen, some nice outside space, a second bathroom, a concierge etc etc. then I'd definitely consider that and wouldn't resent the friend, if they'd been clear and upfront about their maximum budget.

Actually to a point I agree with you
BUT

The way this is presented the poorer friend has waited until they have found a flat the richer friend loves before saying he can't afford it . That isn't fair and upfront.

The OP knows their budget so shouldn't have been even looking at flats they couldn't afford without having the unequal split of expenses conversation FIRST. Had they discussed it in advance and perhaps discussed other ways to even it up - maybe the OP is an amazing cook or loves ironing or would be prepared to do a greater share of housework or always be the designated driver or whatever then that is fine and workable between good friends ,
However the way it is presented the OP just wants the friend to pay more for no advantage . Maybe the richer friend is generous and wouldn't mind and is a giver not a taker and is already the one who pays more when they go out etc but the Me me attitude of Nick is what I think grated. We've all had a friend who has taken us for granted and is a bit selfish at one time or another and this is what resonated with a lot of people I think.

Had the question been - My friend has found a lovely flat and wants me to share with them but it is too expensive for me. They can afford to pay a bit more - how can I balance it out so I'm not taking advantage by offering something else in return so it is fair I think the reaction would have been different as the OP would have been seen as trying to equalize rather than just expect to be subsidized.

Friendship is about give and take

Errata

duchy wrote: »

Friendship is about give and take

Indeed it is, but not something that can be achieved with an imaginary friend, an imaginary flat and an imaginary problem;)

duchy

Errata wrote: »

Indeed it is, but not something that can be achieved with an imaginary friend, an imaginary flat and an imaginary problem;)

If Nick has an imaginary friend then it's not our place to judge him

pinkjets

No, you shouldn't expect your friend to pay more simply because they earn more than you. Ascertain your budget and stick to it - even if your friend offered to pay more, decline, or else 1 day it may come back to bite you - as mentioned in a previous post 'money and friendship do not mix'. If you want a nicer place, work more hours or get a better paid job. If not, settle for what you can afford and you can always hold your head up high.

Talent

Emphatically no. If you become a bludger, you'll both regret it. Just come clean that you can't afford it. The outcome may not be the best for you but you can still be friends.

meknowalot-51

From what your saying it appears that at the moment your living within your means and thats what you should carry on doing.Just because your friend's a high earner doesn't mean you can sponge off their rewards for getting where they are in life.It's time for you to move on and find somewhere thats within your budget.We have old friends that have been shelf stackers for most of their life and yet they have never asked us for handouts,neither should you.I suppose this could be a generation thing,40 plus years ago if you wanted something you saved up and lived to what your budget would allow,back then we never expected someone else to pay our bills.Perhaps this is your friends way of telling you that he wants to distance you a bit as his wage bracket is taking him to new places and newer people,a higher social level.