Co-Habitee's breaking up

wotsundermykilt

It looks like my g/f & i may split up. We have been together for 5 and a half years & have had a joint mortgage for 3 & a half years. I am not happy in the relationship anymore & would prefer to move away to be closer to my real father who I remet a few years ago after he had been absent all my life. I would like to enjoy some more time together with my father as we live about 500 miles apart but the problem is my g/f would not want to move south with me, which i understand because her only remaining parent her father is in his 70's & she wants to stay here. I hate my job with a vengence as well at the moment & moving to england would give me a new start.
The question is, can i force my g/f to sell up because i know for a fact she could not handle the mortgage on her own on what she earns.I would love her to keep the house because its an old fashioned granite house & its something she has always dreamed of, but she just could not afford to buy me out. Everytime we get into an argument she tells me all i would get is what I have paid into the house mortgage wise & nothing else. Is this true? Houses like ours are going on the market for about £130k but the one upstairs just sold for £180k. We have about £91k outstanding & she says all i would get is £15k. Not sure where she plucked that figure from. We have joint bank accounts & sole bank accounts each but only ever use the joint one for wages etc leaving the sole ones with just enough to keep them open. Can anyone give me advice because everytime I bring the subject up it just causes a war & I have got to the stage where i feel really bad about even thinking about moving closer to my dad.

poppyscorner

Just reading your post you havent really said why you want to split other than you want to be closer to your father. What is it about your g/f why you don't want to be with her any more ?
If you do go your seperate ways and sell the house you should be entitled to 50% of whatever is left after mortgage paid off and any solicitors fees etc are paid.
You say you are unhappy in your job are you sure it isn't this causing you to just want to uproot and run away I am unhappy in my job and it has a great impact on your homelife.
Just going off wht you posted I think you really need to think about your next move don't make any rash decisions as they may haunt you forever.

Good luck whatever happens

view

Hi there, you need to look at all options I think. Would you get work down south, where would you live? It's great that you've found your real father and can have a relationship but situations like this can and will take time, what happens if you find that after a while you and your father you have just found don't really get on or find it hard to see each other a lot.

Could you work down south and stay somewhere with a low rent and let you girlfriend have some towards the house so that you could keep it? It's an asset in your name and with prices going up and up it's not really adviseable to sell. Could you girlfriend take in a lodger?

Things are not always greener on the other side and whilst I'm not saying there's not reason it couldn't be great for you down south, it might be awful and you'll be down there thinking what have I done!?!

I think you should make two colums with pros and cons and really think hard about this.

All the best anyway and I'm sure you'll make the right decision.

GJ

TheWaltons_3

Whoaaaaahhh hold on there!!! Why would you want to sell an asset at this time? Why not just let your girlfriend get a lodger or something whilst you sort your head out?

Her whole world is being tipped upside down because you met up with your natural Father.

The Grass may seem Greener on the other side, but it's more often than not, brown and curly.

Ishtar

Some useful advice above - well worth thinking more about all your options.

On the more practical side of things you can force a sale, but it will probably cost you a lot of money. My sister was in a relationship for over 10 years and bought a flat with her now ex-boyfriend. When the relationship ended he said he'd buy her out, but nothing was forthcoming, so in the end she took legal advice. It took over two years for them to reach an agreement - and it also meant that she couldn't move out and had to stay there 2 or 3 nights a week.

It would have cost upwards of £10k to go through the courts to force the sale. Thankfully, he saw sense and it didn't go that far.

Hope you manage to sort something out.
Take care
D.

pinkshoes

If you sold the house, you would get 50% of the equity (after mortage repaid, solicitors fees and EA fees), so this £15k she's talking about is nonsense. I'm sure if you offered to buy her share out for £15k, she certainly wouldn't agree!! (then you could rent it out...)

I agree with the other posters that maybe this is all a little hasty, unless there are other reasons you're not happy in your relationship. As far as I can see, you've changed alot since getting to know your real father, and since wanting to spend more time with him, it's caused a strain on your relationship causing you to argue...????? is that correct?

with today's technology, you don't HAVE to live near someone to spend time with them!! And flights are also cheap. Have you seen the prices of houses down south?!?!

arthur_dent_2

If houses are going on the market for £130,000 then realistically you be looking at about £35,000 between you after costs. This would only be £17,500 so not much more than your gf has said. Are you sure you want to move to England, I would stay in Scotland if I were you. (IMO)

Kimitatsu

Did you both pay an equal deposit?

You will get 50% of the equity after the initial deposit and all of the other bits and pieces have been taken out. If she put in more of the deposit then you may find that she is right.

Findind or losing a parent is a huge event in your life, and I appreciate you want to spend time with your dad, but is that at the exclusion of your girlfriend? I know you say you are not happy at the moment but is that because of her or because you have found your dad? He wont be here forever, and maybe you need to take some time out and speak to someone who knows none of the parties to get your head sorted. It is a stressful time breaking up with some one let alone finding you have a whole new family as well!

Take one step at a time, and see where your path takes you.

wotsundermykilt

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you all but been mega busy working. thanks to everyone who has contributed to this thread, i have read them all & some of it is very good advice. I will mull it over for a few weeks or so, just so i don't make any ill judged hasty decisions.
by the way i have known my father again for about 4 years & we get on like a house on fire. i just thought i would like to see as much of him before anything happens to him(might be other way round) as he is knocking on a bit now. I am not really happy at home with my g/f, we actually seem to have so many differences lately that the things I like to do, i don't anymore, just so i can keep the peace.I seem to have lost all my interests just to try & keep her interested if you get my drift. I love the house too & it is definately an asset because of whats going on in redevelopment around this area & will probably shoot through the roof in price terms when the work is completed roundabout.But money is not everything either, happieness is important & having a smile on my face again will surely help me live a better life than having money & being miserable in my life. Having said that, i will mull things over for a good while. Thanks everyone

wotsundermykilt

Forgot to mention that if I did move, my brother also lives in england & knows people with contacts who could help me in the job front if desperate.I have no friends or family here in aberdeen to hold me either cause they have all moved away, so no ties here whatsoever.

diesel9181

prices have gone crazy where you are so you might be very surprised at what you sell for. 2 bed flat at top of george street went for £220K, £100K above what it was asking. good luck with whaever you choose.