Help overcoming emotional dependency and being needy.

raven83

I really could do with some advice on this subject.

As the title says, I need help in not getting so dependent on others to make me feel happy.

It's always been like this for as long as I can remember, I find someone, be it a friend or otherwise, more so if it romantically linked, and they become my focus, I wouldn't say I disgard my other friends, but I make these ones a priority, because I feel that they are the ones responsible for my happiness. I am constantly seeking validation and if they don't say something or act in a way that I expect, I think that they no longer like me as much or that they will find someone else, I must point out that I am recently diagnosed as having BPD, which I accept and I know it is harder to establish stable relationships, but I REALLY want to. I don't want to rely on anyone else to make me happy, I need to be emotionally self sufficient. I don't want to be needy and I don't want to ditch perfectly good friendships because I blame them for not making me happy.

I am sorry if I have rambled on I just need to let it all out and need some ideas as how to do this, I know the BPD makes it so much harder but I am determined that it won't keep taking over my life, I just want to be able to feel a sense of happiness without the need of validation from others.

heartbreak_star

I'm a bit rubbish with offering practical advice, but just wanted to send support and hugs

HBS x

trolleyrun

You might want to have a read of this website if you haven't already done so: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/borderline-personality-disorder/#.VToj9WK9KSN

I'm definitely no therapist, but could you perhaps try to build your self-esteem in some way, possibly with the help of a professional? If you feel better within yourself, you may rely less on others for your happiness. It's really good that you see where your "problem"area is, as it means you can work on it. It won't be easy, but it's do-able, especially if you really want a change.

Good luck, and I hope it goes well for you. Well done for wanting to deal with it!

raven83

trolleyrun wrote: »

You might want to have a read of this website if you haven't already done so: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/borderline-personality-disorder/#.VToj9WK9KSN

I'm definitely no therapist, but could you perhaps try to build your self-esteem in some way, possibly with the help of a professional? If you feel better within yourself, you may rely less on others for your happiness. It's really good that you see where your "problem"area is, as it means you can work on it. It won't be easy, but it's do-able, especially if you really want a change.

Good luck, and I hope it goes well for you. Well done for wanting to deal with it!

I do definitely recognise it and know I have a problem, I accept that. I just hate having to constantly rely on others to pick me up and make me feel better, I will take a look at the link:)

skattykatty

Hi Raven, as you've recently been given a diagnosis of BPD, have you not been given any information or referral to any form of psychotherapy?

raven83

skattykatty wrote: »

Hi Raven, as you've recently been given a diagnosis of BPD, have you not been given any information or referral to any form of psychotherapy?

Hi, yes I have been given information about it and have quite a good understanding of it myself, I am on the list for some therapy but this could take some time. I understand that there isn't much help for people like me?

skattykatty

Well, I think there was a general belief that people diagnosed with BPD could not be treated therapeutically but that's simply not the case any more. There are a lot of therapies that have developed to support people. Like any therapy, it does require work from the patient/client, but it sounds like you're up for it!!! I hope that your referral goes through quickly.

While you're waiting, why not google BPD blogs and read about others experiences? You may find support there and see that there is hope for working through the feelings that lead you to be dependent on others.

Look at:

http://www.bpdworld.org/

How about starting some kind of creative practice every day, even for only 10 - 15 minutes: doodle or write or paint or dance - expressing yourself (non-judgementally) in this way may support you to begin developing a stronger sense of yourself

FredG

You're really brave to admit there's an issue and confront it. Not many people are strong enough to self analyse.

marisco_2

raven83 wrote: »

I understand that there isn't much help for people like me?

I hope that you will find help in overcoming all that is concerning you. It is brilliant that you are so aware and honest about where things are at for you. That in itself will be such a huge benefit to you in moving forward positively. Good luck

calleyw

raven83 wrote: »

I do definitely recognise it and know I have a problem, I accept that. I just hate having to constantly rely on others to pick me up and make me feel better, I will take a look at the link:)

I know how you feel apart from the BPD diagnose.

I have no advice as it's something that I am starting to deal with myself as well other mental health issues I have.

But will read this thread with interest.

I wish you all the best.

Yours

Calley

raven83

Thank you all so much for your kind replies. I definitely up for change, I cannot go on no more keep expecting people to fulfill me, I need to find some inner peace. I feel as if I have a lost child in me that is made of glass that it could shatter at any moment if someone says or does the "wrong" thing. I just over analyse everything and anything I perceive as being negative or distant I panic and convince myself I will be dropped. I know this is one of the traits of BPD and I want to try and over come it. Deep down I know I am not that bad and do have a lot of good qualities but it seems I need other people to constantly keep recognising them and reassure me, and I really don't want that no more! I am determined to break this destructive cycle, because in the end I do lose people that actually did really care for me.

Sorry for the rant, just so good to be able to voice it all!