Newbie, advice needed in regards to debt

Caz3121

macman wrote: »

It's a shame that 6 years of potential maintenance has now been lost since 2009.

under £40 week would have been £12k now

tattoogirl31

Well thank you everyone for their opinion. The rather derogatory sarcastic know it alls should maybe not be so cutting and judgemental as it comes across as bitter. Im assuming everyones on this site for a reason whether that be just for some saving tips or serious debt issues. I wasn't asking peoples opinions on the state of my relationship, whether I was a mug or not, whether my grandparents are now eating dry bread for dinner or whether my kids should see their father or that I am some how depriving them of his money.

I merely asked for some advice or any suggestions. Im glad no one else has made any bad mistakes in their life or had any issues that have tainted their life. I also tried to keep it as impersonal and short as I could. I didn't realise people would need to know the ins and outs on the situation and my shoe size! Which is a 4 may I add.

I didn't want to use any sad story trump card into the bad points in my story.
I will also add my grandparents haven't asked for the money back and in no way are they impoverished. It wasn't a decision I took lightly and I like everyone have some pride and to accept help was hard and not their responsibility to step in but they made that decision themselves.

And I haven't sat my children down and slagged anyone off as to why we moved etc, and that I got helped with the debt! And it doesn't mean I have no value or respect thank you. And if I was to get csa do I need to write it on a banner so my children can feel thankful their father has paid to support them, yet not see them? I think they would rather his time than money.

Also thank you to the csa calculators who made a comment. Im assuming your precise amount you assumed I would get take into account my ex circumstances? As im sure they take things into account like any children he may have now that are dependent on him, whether or not he has a job and if he has the earnings he makes. As then im sure would affect the amount due.

But just for some added info seeing as though only a couple of users have had some reasonable advice, I was 23/24 at the time with 2 toddlers my ex was 10 years older than me. We all trust the wrong people at times and hind sight is a great thing. And again well done to those who have had the perfect life.

PeacefulWaters

tattoogirl31 wrote: »

Well thank you everyone for their opinion. The rather derogatory sarcastic know it alls should maybe not be so cutting and judgemental as it comes across as bitter. Im assuming everyones on this site for a reason whether that be just for some saving tips or serious debt issues. I wasn't asking peoples opinions on the state of my relationship, whether I was a mug or not, whether my grandparents are now eating dry bread for dinner or whether my kids should see their father or that I am some how depriving them of his money.

I merely asked for some advice or any suggestions. Im glad no one else has made any bad mistakes in their life or had any issues that have tainted their life. I also tried to keep it as impersonal and short as I could. I didn't realise people would need to know the ins and outs on the situation and my shoe size! Which is a 4 may I add.

I didn't want to use any sad story trump card into the bad points in my story.
I will also add my grandparents haven't asked for the money back and in no way are they impoverished. It wasn't a decision I took lightly and I like everyone have some pride and to accept help was hard and not their responsibility to step in but they made that decision themselves.

And I haven't sat my children down and slagged anyone off as to why we moved etc, and that I got helped with the debt! And it doesn't mean I have no value or respect thank you. And if I was to get csa do I need to write it on a banner so my children can feel thankful their father has paid to support them, yet not see them? I think they would rather his time than money.

Also thank you to the csa calculators who made a comment. Im assuming your precise amount you assumed I would get take into account my ex circumstances? As im sure they take things into account like any children he may have now that are dependent on him, whether or not he has a job and if he has the earnings he makes. As then im sure would affect the amount due.

But just for some added info seeing as though only a couple of users have had some reasonable advice, I was 23/24 at the time with 2 toddlers my ex was 10 years older than me. We all trust the wrong people at times and hind sight is a great thing. And again well done to those who have had the perfect life.

You have a chip on your shoulder.

You asked for ways to get money off your ex.

I think the answers you got pointed you in the right direction.

tattoogirl31

I have no chip on my shoulder thank you.
And it wasn't all about the actual money, its the fact it has tarnished my credit rating etc.
And the attitude some of you have towards an innocent question is ridiculous. So much for non judgemental help towards someones first post on here. But I suppose its easy to be rude and unhelpful over a keyboard. And if that's peoples attitudes in general, then I have lost faith in humanity.
And im sure a lot of people in the same situation would have gone out their way to make their ex pay and be liable for loans csa solicitors fees etc and even resorted to other ways to get any anger out or issues they have towards their ex.
I have been judged for not getting csa and judged and belittled for the situation I was in. So thank you.

Pixie5740

Hang on a minute. In your OP you said that your ex shouldn't get off Scot free and that you wanted him to pay towards the loans and now you're saying it isn't about the money. Make up your mind.

Any defaults will drop off your credit file in 6 years. Any defaults for these loans that are on your credit file will be on his too.

Nobody here has said their lives are perfect but you picked him.

tattoogirl31

ok maybe I wasn't clear or precise in my post and it was open to interpretations, I understand that was down to me not being spot on with every single word or explanation.
I will now say again thank you for being so welcoming:T

tattoogirl31

The MoneySavingExpert.com forum is a place to share info and tips with others, discuss MoneySaving and pick up ways to save. We hope you'll enjoy it, but ask you to remember it's a broad church with many different types of people. Follow these basic rules to make it a good place to be.

• Please be nice to all MoneySavers : There's no such thing as a stupid question and, even if you disagree, courtesy helps.
• Please be sensitive : This may be a web forum, but you're still talking to other human beings. Repeatedly or harshly saying someone's wrong, especially on boards like DebtFreeWannabe, Bankruptcy or Benefits, can lead to upset.
  
  We're proud that many people whose financial problems exacerbate mental health issues seek help in the forum, but this means you may be berating someone who's clinically depressed. Please think twice before posting judgmental comments.
• Don't feed the trolls : Sadly the web has a habit of throwing up a very small but vocal number of trolls, people who are nasty or contrary just to get a rise out of you. If someone's doing this, simply don't reply, just report it to [EMAIL="forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com"]forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com[/EMAIL]. If you get involved and fling mud back, you risk being barred from using the forum too.
• Take care over copyright : Use excerpts and links rather than copying long text. This site asserts copyright on all comments posted on the board

Pixie5740

tattoogirl31 wrote: »

ok maybe I wasn't clear or precise in my post and it was open to interpretations, I understand that was down to me not being spot on with every single word or explanation.
I will now say again thank you for being so welcoming:T

No you were quite clear in your OP about trying to recover money from him for these loans. People then asked you question to try and ascertain whether this is possible and suggested ways you could go about it. Then you threw your toys out the pram and changed your story.

Forget the £12k, it's not like you paid it off anyway since your grandparents did, and move on with your life.

tattoogirl31

No my story stayed the same it just got side tracked by everyones opinion on csa. People were also rather patronising, sarcastic and judgemental all because your sitting behind your computers.

I had no toys to throw out of said pram, I was merely defending myself in the wake of such unneeded comments and people having an opinion on things that they had no facts or information about. Was I meant to graciously accept the things people said without defending my side? Me against of bunch of arsey forum goers? That did make me smile though 'throwing my toys out my pram'!
Surely a simple answer like ' theres not much chance of ever getting the money back' would have been a reasonable response. Rather than some of the rude comments I got. ( just to clarify, I meant rude as in 'just plain rude to judge on something you know nothing about/ its rude speaking like that to someone who was looking for information. Not the rude where someone has used foul language). Just in case you pull me up on that one.
What is it they say, if you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all. But it seems here its just a chance for people to vent off at others with sarcastic remarks due to a personal situation they have tried to get help with.
Lets hope people have got their happy non judgemental heads on today as its Monday morning and the world doesn't need it.

ViolaLass

But people did have a helpful answer to give - you probably won't be able to get the loan money from him but you could quite reasonably chase him through the CSA, which indirectly gives you the loan money and allows you to achieve your aims.

I can understand wishing that your ex would pay child maintenance voluntarily but that's not where you are.