Newbie, advice needed in regards to debt

tattoogirl31

Hi. I was looking for some advice in regards to debt I was left in.
Its a long story but trying to cut it short.....My 7 year relationship ended in 2009. We had 2 kids and a house together and as I had the kids he left the house to live elsewhere. Things to start with were fairly amicable, and I said I would pay all the bills and mortgage and car and kids and he agreed to pay 2 loan we had that totalled £12000 which looking back was a stupid amount and hindsight is a great thing.
Any way I stupidly thought he would keep to his side but he didn't, which meant the loans went unpaid and rang and explained the situation and sorted out a debt payment plan but was barely covering anything. Also as my ex had decided to be awkward I did not know where he lived so I was getting letters in his name and my name and causing me lots of stress. As they didn't have his address they had to send them to me.
In the end it was a pointless task in repaying and I could have lost my house, so my grandparents lent me the money and I made an agreement and paid them off. With no help from my partner no matter how many attempts I made to text him and inform him he needed to pay.
Also I had to sell my house due to other reasons but made no significant gains as it had to be used to rent another property.
This has left my credit rating bad, its left my grandparents out of life savings and left me with stress.
Is there anyway I can recover any money from him as he has got off scott free. He doesn't pay for the children but that's his loss. And will play on his mind or not. But the £12000 is a great amount and I cant believe there can be no repercussions for him. Thanks in advance. And sorry it wasn't has short a story has I said.

David301

were you married?

Pixie5740

Whose name(s) were the loans in? His, yours, joint names?

Were they secured loans or unsecured loans?

What was the purpose of the loans?

Was the house only in your name?

Depending the answers to these questions and David301's then you might be able to take your ex to court but getting the judgement is the easy part it's getting someone to pay up that's the tricky part.

andyfromotley

i suspect that you have this the wrong way around. Realistically i suspect you will never see the money from the loans again.

But why aren't you chasing him for child support? check out the gov website the process is fairly easy from your end.

tattoogirl31

Thanks for the responses.

We were married at the time and the loans were in both our names so I understand I had to repay the money back, I just didn't expect to be accountable for all of it when it was in joint names.

Also the house was in both our names but in the contract it stated he would not benefit from any funds when it was sold. This was as it was a council buy house so it was soley my house to start with. But the house isn't an issue now as there is no mortgage or house.

And I understand the process of csa I have just never wanted to pursue it as I feel a parent shouldn't have to be forced into paying for their children they should do it out of respect for the child. And as they haven't seen him for 6 years due to him moving from place to place and moving on then I don't feel I should start the process now as it would have been something I did when we first separated.

Its more the fact of maybe him taking some responsibility for the debt I was left in, I understand he will have some sob story as to why he wouldn't pay., but I was paying for everything and just about coping. If it wasn't for my nan I don't know what would have happened.

Maybe its my hippie way of thinking I just don't understand how a person you were with for so long and had kids with can walk away and not care what happens to them firstly or care whether they have a roof over their heads, and secondly leave someone in so much debt and not make any kind of gesture to show they are taking responsibility. And after looking at my Experian report he angers me slightly seeing the list of debts on my score and the stress I went through and the phoning around etc and it will and has affected certain financial decisions.

To think that money could have helped my kids or still been in my nans bank.

PeacefulWaters

And I understand the process of csa I have just never wanted to pursue it as I feel a parent shouldn't have to be forced into paying for their children they should do it out of respect for the child. And as they haven't seen him for 6 years due to him moving from place to place and moving on then I don't feel I should start the process now as it would have been something I did when we first separated

Cut the namby pamby touchy feel stuff and make him pay what's due.

macman

tattoogirl31 wrote: »

Thanks for the responses.

We were married at the time and the loans were in both our names so I understand I had to repay the money back, I just didn't expect to be accountable for all of it when it was in joint names.

Also the house was in both our names but in the contract it stated he would not benefit from any funds when it was sold. This was as it was a council buy house so it was soley my house to start with. But the house isn't an issue now as there is no mortgage or house.

And I understand the process of csa I have just never wanted to pursue it as I feel a parent shouldn't have to be forced into paying for their children they should do it out of respect for the child. And as they haven't seen him for 6 years due to him moving from place to place and moving on then I don't feel I should start the process now as it would have been something I did when we first separated.

Its more the fact of maybe him taking some responsibility for the debt I was left in, I understand he will have some sob story as to why he wouldn't pay., but I was paying for everything and just about coping. If it wasn't for my nan I don't know what would have happened.

Maybe its my hippie way of thinking I just don't understand how a person you were with for so long and had kids with can walk away and not care what happens to them firstly or care whether they have a roof over their heads, and secondly leave someone in so much debt and not make any kind of gesture to show they are taking responsibility. And after looking at my Experian report he angers me slightly seeing the list of debts on my score and the stress I went through and the phoning around etc and it will and has affected certain financial decisions.

To think that money could have helped my kids or still been in my nans bank.

So what did you think a joint account was? You were jointly and severally liable for the debt, surely you realised that when you took the loans? You have chosen to pay off the debt yourself and he is under no obligation to refund you, unless you can prove an agreement to do so.
You need to focus on the money he does owe you for maintenance of your children, which bizzarrely you seem unwilling to pursue. Why is not paying for his children 'his loss'? It's precisely the opposite.

tattoogirl31

Firstly namby pamby feely stuff! If that's my view on csa that's my view. No one else is footing the bill for my children other than me so it really shouldn't bother anyone else.
If I was the opposite id have people calling me a money grabber or draining his bank accounts for csa.
My children deserve to be valued and respected so if their own father cant make the effort to support them I am not going to force him too. Hopefully they will learn from my mistakes that you look after your money and don't fall foul of anyone.

Secondly you patronising person, I think I stated that I understood it was in both names and yes I did choose to pay it off. Surely anyone in the same position would have done so. Your comment is just silly. So if I didn't pay it off then I would still be paying it now, bankrupt, homeless what sort of life would that have given my children.

And if my ex wasn't willing to pay towards the debt why is he going to be willing to pay csa. He chose to move around and change address to avoid paying the debt. I was granted a divorce without him having to sign because the judge decided he was being awkward and non compliant.

I was merely asking for any advice in regards to claiming any money back for the debt, as I was told in the above post it was in joint names!!!! I took my responsibilities for it for long enough so where was the joint part.

But thanks for the sarcastic patronising comments to a genuine query. Maybe if more people had namby pamby feelings there wouldn't be so much hate in the world.

andyfromotley

tattoogirl31 wrote: »

And if my ex wasn't willing to pay towards the debt why is he going to be willing to pay csa..

Because ultimately they have far more powers to force him to pay than the loan providers do.

You have your position on child support which is fine. I have an opposing view that people MUST pay for their children, either willingly or by force if thats what is required.

You could always view it as enforced loan repayment rather than child support.

Either way in practical terms i don't think you will see any money directly for the loans.

DCFC79

As the other parent he should be paying his way but at the end of the day its your choice.

tattoogirl31

I don't understand the harshness towards my stance on csa.
I understand the csa have more powers now to enforce payment, which im sure would have to be used as he will not be happy or willing to pay. Which in turn will be more stress for myself as I know I will get a tirade of abuse out of the blue. Which I don't think is fair on my kids to see me stressed.
Like I said previously I pay for my kids no one else it falls on me and I take the responsibility. He chooses not to see them or have any contact and therefore I choose to provide and save for my children the best I can.