Manifest Stupidity III - Tory Toffs and the Terrible Plots

Generali

Now we're on to the Tories who apparently have a plan for every stage of your life which is more than I have for mine.......


> Economy. Run a surplus. Increase tax thresholds to £12,500 and £50,000. No VAT increase just like last time. Crack down on tax evasion and 'aggressive avoidance'. Reduce spending by 1% a year from unnamed sources, inflation adjusted, while spending more on the NHS. Aim to run a surplus from 2019-20 by spending at the same level vs GDP Lab did in 2000. Separate Investment and Retail Banking arms. Continue FFL and increase lending to small businesses. Non Doms to pay more. More roads to get provincial people to Greggs faster. Some new and enlarged institutions to be set up in key marginals in NW England. More local Government.


> Transport. Electrificate more railways (this is a Green party policy too). Crossrail 2 (Herts to Surrey). Freeze fares (old Ken Livingstone/GLC policy). More wi-fi on trains (behavioural economics policy - explanation on demand). Faster !!!!!!/interwebs. More mobile phone coverage. 5G.


> Employment. 2mn more private sector jobs (about the same as the last 5 years). Less red tape and more apprenticeships. Be nicer to farmers. Cut Corporation tax. Cut business rates to small businesses. Curtail strike action in 'essential services'. Jobs for disabled people and more women directors. Minimum wage to be £8 by 2020 (same as Labour). Be nicer to Post Offices. Pub loan fund (UKIP policy???) to help with costs associated with buying pubs (e.g. legals/compliance, due diligence). Some GM. No TB. Huntin', shootin' and fishin' to be supported.


> Tax and Welfare. Cut tax. Cut Welfare. Free childcare. Transferable personal allowances. Eliminate child poverty. Jobs for mad people and drunks (driving tube trains I guess).


> Immigration. Need to be in the UK 4 years before you can claim JSA or on the waiting list for a house. More money for the NHS in areas with high migration. Be less nice to foreigners generally.


> Edukashun. Primary schools to stop being crap in all cases by spending more money and through rote learning of things that can easily be done with C20th technology. Teach children Chinese (presumably so they can be less nice to them in their own language). Loans for PhDs. More apprentices.


> Health. More money into the money pit. Ban dementia. GPs open 7 days/week. Plain packets for cigs. Warnings on crisps and chocolate that they might make you fat. Cure more cancer. More micromanagement of the health and care systems.


> Sport. Sport is good. So are museums. No more money for the Communists at the BBC to spend on stupid things.


> Big Society. Time off to volunteer. Pardon people prosecuted for being gay (another Green policy).


> Government. Cut Government waste although one wonders why this hasn't been done already.


> Housing. Help to Buy continues. Build 200,000 starter homes for young people sold at 20% off (doesn't say off what). Right to buy extended. Make it easier to self-build. Keep the Green Belt.


> Environment. Be a bit nicer to the world but not very much.


> Energy. Subsidised insulation. No more onshore wind farms (in effect).

> Crime. Definitely against it. Will get rid of the Human Rights Act.


> Terrorism. Against this too.


> Old people. IHT threshold up to a million quids. More money for oldies.


> Union. Love it. More powers for Scotland and Wales. English votes for English matters.


> EU/International. No Euro. In/out referendum aka the Hockey Cokey Referendum. More aid. Be nicer to foreigners who agree not to come to Britain.

Doozergirl

Well done, Gen :rotfl: Beautiful summary.

Moby

Really makes you think what the point of a manifesto is?

Generali

Moby wrote: »

Really makes you think what the point of a manifesto is?

It's a list of the things that the party are going to spend the next five years explaining why they are bad ideas after all or that they secretly did them.

vivatifosi

Thanks for putting yourself through all this pain for an election more than 10,000 miles away Gen.

I'm not bowled over by any if them so far.

If you were voting purely on the strength of their manifesto and knew nothing of their party history, is there one that would win you over?

Generali

I'm a sucker for lower taxes and reduced spending so Tories so far. I also like the policy of pardoning gay men for their 'crimes'. I don't recall seeing that in the Labour manifesto.

Like the Tories for the specific mention of free trade too.

UKIP might be interesting if you look past the immigration thing. If you go in knowing nothing about them it might not be obvious that they are primarily an anti-immigration party. We'll see.

I don't like the Tories on Europe and banging more people up seems to be counterproductive although I need to actually get round to looking at the evidence some time.

I know a lot of people don't know like the RTB rules but I'm pretty ambivalent TBH.

wotsthat

Both the Tories and Labour seem to have magic money trees - Labour call their tree 'unspecified efficiency savings' whilst the Tories is called 'unspecified red tape'.

These trees are a source of endless bounty.

antrobus

wotsthat wrote: »

Both the Tories and Labour seem to have magic money trees - Labour call their tree 'unspecified efficiency savings' whilst the Tories is called 'unspecified red tape'.

These trees are a source of endless bounty.

There are normally two easy ways of projecting an improved out-turn in the government's budget. One is 'cutting waste' in spending and the other is 'improving' tax collection.

At least they make the numbers look better.

Wheezy_2

If I was allowed to vote - which I'm not - I'd have a hard time deciding who to vote for.

The Tory in me would acknowledge that their economic, fiscal policies and welfare reform over the past 5 years were probably the right ones.
The Labourite in me would like to see more of a social touch towards those countless people who despite rising GDP and employment, still face a real cost of living crisis. But can Labour be trusted with the public finances again?
The Greeno in me would love to see a more environment friendly way of how we lead our daily lives, but the Green manifesto is just too much 'out there' to be taken seriously.
The Kipper in me would agree that we need a more balanced approach to immigration, but I also strongly believe that leaving the EU would be damaging to the UK as a whole.

I'll just stay at home and watch telly.

Moby

Generali wrote: »

It's a list of the things that the party are going to spend the next five years explaining why they are bad ideas after all or that they secretly did them.

..........."So Mr Cameron, you set out your plans for the Good Life. Are you saying that in the next five years of a Tory government, the 1m people who now use food banks should in fact, grow their own food instead, keep a goat for milk and cheese, a pig and finally, rely on their wealthy middle-class hardworking neighbours for free sherry and handouts at Christmas?" :rotfl:

BobQ

Surprised that Conservatives are planning to spend less than 2% of GDP on defence. That will do a lot for our importance in the world. So unlike the Tories of the past.