Splitting the bill with extravagant friends

onlyroz

Mojisola wrote: »

The story is told about Queen Victoria but I don't think there's any clear evidence that it happened.

The version I heard was about Princess Diana re-telling this tale to some other celebrity. The celebrity's response was "wouldn't they have been able to tell it was a finger bowl because of the lemon floating in it?" - to which Diana responded "One does not put lemon in one's finger bowl". At which point the celebrity immediately ordered all the lemon slices to be removed from the finger bowls...

lostinrates

onlyroz wrote: »

I'm not disagreeing with you - I don't like spending a lot of money on food I can cook better at home - but it's incorrect to suggest that it's impossible to get a tasty meal and a drink for less than £20. I'm not talking about mega 3-course blow outs with half a dozen drinks in a Michelin starred restaurant - but two courses plus a wine or beer is easily do-able in many places.

My own favourite local meal is the Sunday roast down our local pub. It's £9.95 and comes with about 6 different types of veg plus Yorkshire pudding and "proper" gravy. And then there is the Indian that does a buffet once a week for about £12, and the Chinese that does a set meal for two for around £30. All very tasty stuff - and well above the standard of Weatherspoons or Harvester - and doesn't break the bank.

Can we agree to only agree partially? .

Our local pubs are more expensive , and to go further you are already paying more. When the meat options are not identified as to source I often prefer to stick to vegetarian, vegan options, which brings price down, but options too. And I feel resistant to spend on a meal I don't want to eat really at somewhere I don't want to go. I don't expect others to agree, and am happy they go with out me, nor do I expect them to spend their money like I do, but it means we much reach compromises elsewhere over meeting places/events. Homes are always nice, but often in central London or the south east ( where lots of our social circle are) not an option, and our home is a long way for those friends!

Honestly, I KNOW it can be done, its just not often my preference to do it. as I said before, I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way, I just think that when this happens there are other ways to meet friends. This friend was a ( IMO misadvised) arts snob so I suggested ways that the two or group could meet less expensively yet equally on the arts edge. ( or more so!).

There are plenty of ways to think laterally around such things. If food MUST be the centre then performances in the parks or NT events where you can take wonderful picnics of homemade fabulousness, and listen to things, or watch performances, and then guzzle what ever one likes to drink, and the budget is what ever peoe have brought with them......no nasty surprises!

LilElvis

lostinrates wrote: »

Can we agree to only agree partially? .

Our local pubs are more expensive , and to go further you are already paying more. When the meat options are not identified as to source I often prefer to stick to vegetarian, vegan options, which brings price down, but options too. And I feel resistant to spend on a meal I don't want to eat really at somewhere I don't want to go. I don't expect others to agree, and am happy they go with out me, nor do I expect them to spend their money like I do, but it means we much reach compromises elsewhere over meeting places/events. Homes are always nice, but often in central London or the south east ( where lots of our social circle are) not an option, and our home is a long way for those friends!

Honestly, I KNOW it can be done, its just not often my preference to do it. as I said before, I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way, I just think that when this happens there are other ways to meet friends. This friend was a ( IMO misadvised) arts snob so I suggested ways that the two or group could meet less expensively yet equally on the arts edge. ( or more so!).

There are plenty of ways to think laterally around such things. If food MUST be the centre then performances in the parks or NT events where you can take wonderful picnics of homemade fabulousness, and listen to things, or watch performances, and then guzzle what ever one likes to drink, and the budget is what ever peoe have brought with them......no nasty surprises!

I used to go to one of these every summer (think it was near Esher) and it was huge fun. There was always a theme, so lots of great dressing up, Pimms and champagne tents etc. Some people took it very seriously indeed - they used to get their teenagers dressed up as "staff" and carry in massive dining tables, chairs, candelabras - basically their dining room! A lovely way to spend a summer's evening.

Teacher2

When I was teaching full time and my husband was also working we stretched ourselves to the absolute limit to pay for our two children to attend prep school. We went without everything and lived like paupers but were invited to dinner and events by the other, richer, parents. They boasted constantly about salaries, pensions, holidays, houses and so on and, while we were not poor in absolute terms, we were relatively, and could not respond in like terms.

We took little notice of the boasting as we thought ourselves equal in other ways. In the end our lack of topics to boast about and our inability to engage in the material stakes made us 'invisible' and we were quietly dropped. I suspect that if you cannot put in your £200 'subs' to the 'rich club' you will be.

You will discover as we did that it doesn't matter and that there are other people in the world to be with. You don't have to quarrel with this woman but neither do you have to live in her pocket and by her rules.

Preserve your integrity and, if she will not accept that you cannot afford to splash out, then you will have to drop her.

£200 is the sort of sum I would spend on a week's holiday, not a night out! To genuinely poor people it would be a fortune. Your friend has lost touch with reality to be thinking £200 is nothing.

purpleweasel

If you want to revive the friendship, why not just go out the two of you? Either that or say "sorry, I can't make that night but a group [of your friends] are going out on Saturday, why don't you join us for a change?". You shouldn't have to go out with her friends all the time, why not take the initiative and arrange it? If she is that much of a snob that she won't eat in cheap places then maybe a meal at your place?

fizzy_lizzie

I totally understand the dilemma. But none of you know half the problems if you are...vegetarian!
The horror of "lets all go for a Chinese" which means e.g. 8 people round the table. Everyone orders a dish and shares all with everyone. Great except for the veggie. It means I order my dish. I get to eat 1/8 of it and none of the other 7 dishes which are not veggie! Bad deal obviously.
So years ago - I am a brave person - I resolved to make my position clear. I say "Yes I'd love to come, but I will order and pay separately because..." and explain. The friends understand and the situation is sorted. No problem. So I do the same if its a big meal = potential big split bill, and I cite the same reason.
But also most of my friends are not on big salaries, and we tend to go out for not expensive meals. Then we split the bill and if one person has clearly drunk lots while the others haven't and/or had extra courses then they pay for those.
Bottom line is:- I only go out with friends. Friends love me and understand. No probs, no issues. We all have great meals together!
That's the difference between Friends and "Facebook friends"!!

happyinflorida

Tell her what the problem is and let her decide, she can either pick up your part of the bill as she's loaded or leave you at home. Her choice. If she chooses the latter she is not a real friend IMO.

purpleshoes_2

Never really done the dish sharing thing. People tend to eat their own or folk go to a buffet and pick what they want.

I'd find it a bit odd going out for a meal where folk shared their meal around the table.

BitterAndTwisted

My sister was faced with the same difficulty. Met a new friend a couple of years ago who was part of a circle of very highly-paid, single professional women who were all earning £100k-plus. She was on about a third of that. Every proposed meeting entailed champagne cocktails, fine dining or long-distance travel. Often all three at the same time. Like weekend breaks in Barcelona, for instance. When she explained her inability to afford those sorts of things she was met with utter incomprehension. She's been not-so-quietly dropped.

Mojisola

I wonder what Jet has decided to do.