thinking about starting a family - looking for wisdom :)

fireflybookworn

Hi everyone.

My other half and I are thinking about starting a family in the next year or so. We've just bought our first and are in the process of doing it up - slowly getting there and each month getting bits of furniture etc.

I am wondering if there any experienced parents out there with any advice for us - is there anything you wish you had known/done before you started your family?

Any advice, stories or even just chat is very appreciated

19lottie82

just be aware that although you are thinking of "starting a family" in a year or so, it might not happen straight away!

kingfisherblue

Firstly, congratulations on your new home. It's a big step, and if you haven't lived together before, now is the time to learn about each other. If you're not fussy about everything being brand new, try Freecycle for the stuff you still need - that way, you can save the money that you would have spent. If you both work, bear in mind that any time on maternity/paternity leave is going to have an effect on your finances, so if you do have the opportunity to save, make the most of it. You might also want to think about overpaying your mortgage if possible (depends on the term and conditions, as well as how much money you have). You might be able to take a payment holiday when on maternity leave, but again depends on the terms of your mortgage.


Apart from saving money, think about whether one of you will want to work part time afterwards. What about childcare? If you need to use a nursery, think about the cost - some areas are more expensive than others, and some areas have long waiting lists, especially for babies.


My daughter and her partner had a little girl just before Christmas. Most of their things came from Freecycle or Ebay. I would say that you do need brand new mattresses for cot and Moses basket, and brand new car seat, though. These were their only major expenses.


One thing worth discussing, although you might not find it pleasant, is what you would do if there is a possibility of your child being born with a disability. Speaking from experience, it would have been a disagreement between my (now ex) husband and I, had we known that our son had Down's Syndrome. We only found out that there was a high chance when I was in my third trimester. I wouldn't have aborted, but my ex would have wanted me to, had we found out when I was in the early stages. I didn't have any tests (I was only in my 20s), and I don't regret it. However, I know that many people would prefer to terminate a pregnancy if their child was going to be born with Down's Syndrome.


Other than that, enjoy practicing

pawsies

fireflybookworn wrote: »

Hi everyone.

My other half and I are thinking about starting a family in the next year or so. We've just bought our first and are in the process of doing it up - slowly getting there and each month getting bits of furniture etc.

Child? :rotfl:

Some people disagree with doing cosmetic surgery on kids. Quite where you are putting the furniture I dread to think.

Bangton

All I can say is its the best thing I ever did and I'd love to try for another!

What I learnt? Don't read too many books on babies/toddlers etc and don't take too much 'advice'. People queue up to tell you how to raise your child. I really began to love being a mum when I trusted my instincts and stopped worrying about creating bad habits.

Oh and everything is a phase. .

It's amazing watching the little person you created growing up and learning things..enjoy every minute

kingfisherblue

Bangton, I agree that being a mum is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have three children and love them to bits. I'm too old to have any more (in my opinion - I'm 46 and a granny), but even though my kids are grown/growing up, I still think it's great. true, there have been tough times, but I have a great relationship with all of my children, and hope that continues for many years to come.


Regarding advice from others - when my daughter was expecting, I told her that many people would offer advice. The best thing to do is thank them and then do what you think is best. I know that is advice in it's own way, but it worked for me.

pinkshoes

My advice? Don't think about it!

If you would like a baby stop using contraception, but don't think about the whole baby making thing! Just enjoy life, work hard, play hard etc... And it will happen when nature intends it.

When you start trying to conceive, it can often dominate your life, particularly if it isn't happening straight away.

SmlSave

I'd say to not get hung up on things that everyone say a baby needs and try living on mat pay for while.

Because we knew what to expect financially I was able to go back to work part time.

Expect everyone to give you advice but stick to what you choose, not what everybody apparently does.

Kaye1

I would say if you have any DIY jobs/decorating/organising jobs to do, do them now!!


I thought that as I would be at home all day, I'd have loads of time to:-paint the garden furniture, sort of the paperwork to file, make some curtains, bake my own bread. I don't have loads of time in between meals, nappy changes, walks, naps, school pickups, after school classes.......

Kynthia

I agree with the last post. Don't think you'll get things done when on maternity leave. I moved into my new house 7 days after the birth and it's been an effort to buy the furniture we need over the past year. Never mind doing diy jobs, sorting the garden and doing any decorating and finishing touches! That's all been out on the back burner, so get all the jobs done now.

Plus holidays won't be the same for a long time and going out in the evening will be rare. So go abroad beforehand, especially to places you wouldn't go to with children, and enjoy nights out to the theatre and good restaurants.

foolofbeans

I wish I had known about the birth process a little more. Not how it works but that the medical staff do not always know best and they can have their own agenda.
You do not have to have any medical procedure you do not want, you do not have to have an internal examination and you can birth in any position you like (lying down is one of the worst positions to facilitate birth but does make it easy for the midwife!)
Also please note that the 20 week scan is not for you to find out the sex of the baby but is to check for anomalies. We found out the hard way
Find out your local breastfeeding group (La Leche League or NCT). Many women struggle with it and some support will make a world of difference and you can make some lifelong friends.
Oh and....babies don't need much. After the first year you will be shocked at how much stuff you could have done without!