Alzheimer's/care home

benniebert

SandraScarlett wrote: »

So you're talking about something that happened 25 years ago? Why? Things have changed enormously in that time. Even so, did you visit your MIL regularly? Did SS have your wife's information on record, and requests that she should be consulted prior to any decisions on your MIL's health and/or welfare?
Yes it was 25 years ago and I hope/expect things to have improved. Yes, as often as possible although we lived 8 hours by car from her. To be honest no idea, my wife and I never saw anybody other than hospital staff and those in the homes.

You say you didn't get any option regarding viewing Care Homes. So were you proactive when she went into hospital, discussing her health and prognosis "for a number of weeks", with doctors, and did you enquire what would happen when she was discharged?
We thought that she would go back into her flat. It came as a shock when we were told that she was being moved into a home instead.

Would there be a care package? Were Care Homes even discussed? You know, you write so much like another poster, I think his name was Rotoguys, or it might have been Andy, and things always seemed to have a negative stance.- ??????????

As I said, neither my wife or myself had no idea what they had planned for her. We visited her as much as we could every 10/14 days. But no one gave any indication or came to discuss anything.

I've posted info that is very recent for me, and I have only been widowed for just over 3 months. I post in the hope that my information will help others, who may also be in the position of having to think about Care Homes.


It's a bad enough position to be in, without having to read horror stories that happened to you, or someone you knew, a quarter of a century ago. Where is that helping the OP?


xx

Hopefully it will balance what you have posted. You cannot assume that if you had a great result and everything went like clockwork that it will be the same for everyone else.
There are always two sides to a situation. You have posted what happened with you, I have posted what happened to my mother in law albeit 25 years ago.

SandraScarlett

benniebert wrote: »

Hopefully it will balance what you have posted. You cannot assume that if you had a great result and everything went like clockwork that it will be the same for everyone else.
There are always two sides to a situation. You have posted what happened with you, I have posted what happened to my mother in law albeit 25 years ago.

I have posted what happened to me last year, and I only achieved a "great result" because I inspected so many places first. You, by your own admission, posted what happened a quarter of a century ago.


If you want to give balance, it would better be served by commenting on recent experiences.


xx

meer53

My MIL had Alzheimers and was admitted to hospital more than once, for several weeks also. During that time, once we had realised that she couldn't look after herself, even with regular visits from carers, we looked around several nursing homes.

This was 2 years ago. The hospital wouldn't discharge her until WE had sorted out a place for her to go. I can understand them discharging someone with no family to a local home, but not someone who had family to sort this out for them. We had regular meetings with Social Workers and the staff at the hospital.

Bennibert, the hospital would have worked with you if you had asked them, why didn't you discuss moving your Mum to a home closer to you ? I find it hard to believe that the hospital would have done this if you had been in more regular contact with them.

benniebert

meer53 wrote: »

My MIL had Alzheimers and was admitted to hospital more than once, for several weeks also. During that time, once we had realised that she couldn't look after herself, even with regular visits from carers, we looked around several nursing homes.

This was 2 years ago. The hospital wouldn't discharge her until WE had sorted out a place for her to go. I can understand them discharging someone with no family to a local home, but not someone who had family to sort this out for them. We had regular meetings with Social Workers and the staff at the hospital.

Bennibert, the hospital would have worked with you if you had asked them, why didn't you discuss moving your Mum to a home closer to you ? I find it hard to believe that the hospital would have done this if you had been in more regular contact with them.

We did visit her in hospital as regular as time and work allowed. We live many hundreds of miles away and my wife was her only living relative.
The hospital never mentioned a thing during our twice daily visits whilst we were up there for a couple of days at a time.


They just went ahead with the discharges in collaboration with Social Services. They could have telephoned us.

goodmorningsunshine

QUOTEBennibert, the hospital would have worked with you if you had asked them, why didn't you discuss moving your Mum to a home closer to you ? I find it hard to believe that the hospital would have done this if you had been in more regular contact with themQUOTE
[FONT=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif][/FONT][FONT=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Please remember Bennibert is talking 25 years ago.[/FONT]

25 years ago it would have almost been a "taboo" subject and could quite believe relatives/family would have been left out the loop/kept in the dark.

There is "no rights" and "no wrongs" dealing with this terrible disease, only the carer looking after the person with alzheimers actually knows when the time is right to start looking for care homes.

Some people have a slow decline and others a fast decline and nobody has the right to tell anyone else whether they deal with it at the right or wrong time.


But if you want to go by "the book" if there is such a thing, then the life span given is 5-8 years, which would mean you would need to start looking for a care home 6 yrs into diagnosis, and, of course that would depend on how long you have had to wait for diagnosis.


Move on 25 years and the illness knowledge has changed quite considerably, there are help group, advice, internet info plus lots more, people speak up for themselves now where as 25 years ago, I expect you didn't question the authorities the same as you would now.


People post on here to get advice/info by someone who is one step ahead of them.


Hindsight is a wonderful thing,

goodmorningsunshine

QUOTE
Thanks for your replies. My step-father was sectioned on Friday evening under section 2 of the mental health act. He pulled my mum by her hair from the lounge to the bedroom and then tried to strangle her. He was so sorry afterwards. My mum has been to visit him and he is allowed to phone her. He has also been diagnosed with psychosis as he thinks and can see my mum with other men. He has to be restrained quite a lot as he keeps trying to get out of the hospital. The doctors are trying to sort out his medication to make him less aggressive, if this works he can come home, if not he will be sectioned under number 3 of the mental health act and have to stay in for 6 months. We will have to see what happens in the next 3 weeks or so, my mum really wants him to come home if she can cope, with the help of carers. We have been advised that not many care homes would take him if he remains this aggressive.[/QUOTE]

Please be prepared and listen to what the staff/consultant has to say, if nothing - then ask, they will be able to guide you/tell you what is going to happen next.


If the staff cannot calm your step father down, then they would most likely keep him in the hospital, although some hospitals have a number of beds at certain care homes.


It's a maze and no two routes are the same.


Wishing you all the best.

meer53

goodmorningsunshine wrote: »

QUOTEBennibert, the hospital would have worked with you if you had asked them, why didn't you discuss moving your Mum to a home closer to you ? I find it hard to believe that the hospital would have done this if you had been in more regular contact with themQUOTE
[FONT=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif][/FONT][FONT=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Please remember Bennibert is talking 25 years ago.[/FONT]

25 years ago it would have almost been a "taboo" subject and could quite believe relatives/family would have been left out the loop/kept in the dark.

There is "no rights" and "no wrongs" dealing with this terrible disease, only the carer looking after the person with alzheimers actually knows when the time is right to start looking for care homes.

Some people have a slow decline and others a fast decline and nobody has the right to tell anyone else whether they deal with it at the right or wrong time.


But if you want to go by "the book" if there is such a thing, then the life span given is 5-8 years, which would mean you would need to start looking for a care home 6 yrs into diagnosis, and, of course that would depend on how long you have had to wait for diagnosis.


Move on 25 years and the illness knowledge has changed quite considerably, there are help group, advice, internet info plus lots more, people speak up for themselves now where as 25 years ago, I expect you didn't question the authorities the same as you would now.


People post on here to get advice/info by someone who is one step ahead of them.


Hindsight is a wonderful thing,

It was 25 years ago, not 250 :eek:

Any family member who was in regular contact with a hospital regarding care of their parent would have had discussions with the hospital staff about what the next step was.

Bennifred had this happen twice ! Once i can understand, but twice ?

GirlFromMars_2

meer53 wrote: »

Bennifred had this happen twice ! Once i can understand, but twice ?

On that's not unusual, Bennibert or one of his "friends" has experienced pretty much every situation that ever appears on this forum.

Either he's led the most unlikely life ever, or he's the current forum troll. I know which option I believe.

goodmorningsunshine

meer53 wrote: »

It was 25 years ago, not 250

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]They may have known about the disease but research is very much in its early stages - only exploding in the late 70's.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]and 30 years ago started the creation of [/FONT]the Alzheimer's Association, so would have only been on the go 5 years - 25 years ago, so to me - very new.

Can I ask, how far back can someone go, that they knew someone who was diagnosed with Alzheimers?

margaretclare

goodmorningsunshine wrote: »

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]They may have known about the disease but research is very much in its early stages - only exploding in the late 70's.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]and 30 years ago started the creation of [/FONT]the Alzheimer's Association, so would have only been on the go 5 years - 25 years ago, so to me - very new.

Can I ask, how far back can someone go, that they knew someone who was diagnosed with Alzheimers?

With hindsight, MIL had this - or some form of dementia - back in the mid-to-late 1970s. No one ever put a name to it at the time. During a hospital admission for something completely unrelated, she couldn't find her way around, forgot where her bed was etc. As they do when removed to a strange environment! The Medical Social Worker on the ward wanted to talk to me. I pointed out that it was my MIL and not my own mother. 'Oh yes, dear, but it's always the woman who has to cope, isn't it?' That pointed out what was expected of me. I'd only just started a full-time degree course as a mature student, had been paid a grant and so I had to point out that I was unable to take on her full-time care. By then she didn't even know who I was. But the MSW really thought I should go away and be the devoted DIL and forget about higher education. Not going to happen.