Alzheimer's/care home

lindens

Have you been in touch with the social services and does he have a mental health care worker?

I can't strongly recommend enough, doing the Care home crawl as SandraScarlett mentioned, NOW rather then when you are pushed.

SandraScarlett

lindens wrote: »

Have you been in touch with the social services and does he have a mental health care worker?

I can't strongly recommend enough, doing the Care home crawl as SandraScarlett mentioned, NOW rather then when you are pushed.

I'm always surprised how few people do this. I know people who went to 4 different kennels, prior to boarding their cat, and yet the elderly Mum was placed in the first Care Home they contacted, which had a vacancy!


It's always best to be proactive, rather than reactive. When a loved one has to go into care, people feel guilty anyway, and often have to choose somewhere very quickly because things have got so bad.


Forms are thrust at them, and because they are anything but calm, they may find themselves, for example, agreeing to top up fees, when these don't necessarily have to be paid.


My DH was only in a Care Home for 7 months, and it was always a possibility that the time I spent inspecting places would not have been necessary, as he may not have lived those last few months.


But I would still have been able to give my findings to friends or neighbours who might have needed them, and in any case, my kids now know what to look for, should I ever need to go into a Care Home!


xx

benniebert

lindens wrote: »

I'm afraid i can't confirm that.
However let me put another spin on it. Would you rather your step-father was in a care home you had chosen and selected as being of a suitable place for him, and of an acceptable standard of care. or would you rather he was put anywhere in the county, possibly 50 odd miles away, that you weren'ty happy with? as if it is an emergency he could be put anywhere.
My advice is to look around now and maybe put his name down at some homes that you like in readiness.

This is a subject that puts the wind up me.


Hopefully I have taken the correct steps (via a solicitor) that if in years to come I or my wife are in this situation, we are able to get the maximum financial support from the NHS/Social Services/LA - find a home that suits us and we would then top up any fees out of our capital/income.


I have been to visit people in some terrible homes that quite honestly reek of urine and cooking cabbage.

wiltslass

Merry Dance. May I say how sorry I am that you and your family find yourselves in this terrible situation. I and my family found ourselves in a similar one some years ago and it is a difficult time. We had a great deal of help and support from the local Alzheimer's society and social services, hope you are getting similar support. However we found with the social services it was necessary to do a lot of research into entitlements and available options in advance so as to ensure the best available care package, have more than one family member at any meetings called to discuss care so that you do not feel outnumbered and more able to discuss what you want to happen.,

The advice to find a suitable home well in advance of need is good advice, they do vary a lot. When you have found one or more suitable homes get your relative on the waiting list for a room. You can always say no and drop down the list if one becomes available before necessary. If your step-father does have to be sectioned for a while, keep visiting and in touch as much as you can. We found it made a difference. We noticed that the patients who had family visiting often seemed to do better. The visits were difficult and upsetting but so worthwhile . We were able to arrange respite care , through social services, in our chosen home which helped mum to settle in when the time came to live there permanently . Best wishes to you and your family.,

merrydance

Hi

Thanks for your replies. My step-father was sectioned on Friday evening under section 2 of the mental health act. He pulled my mum by her hair from the lounge to the bedroom and then tried to strangle her. He was so sorry afterwards. My mum has been to visit him and he is allowed to phone her. He has also been diagnosed with psychosis as he thinks and can see my mum with other men. He has to be restrained quite a lot as he keeps trying to get out of the hospital. The doctors are trying to sort out his medication to make him less aggressive, if this works he can come home, if not he will be sectioned under number 3 of the mental health act and have to stay in for 6 months. We will have to see what happens in the next 3 weeks or so, my mum really wants him to come home if she can cope, with the help of carers. We have been advised that not many care homes would take him if he remains this aggressive.

lindens

merrydance wrote: »

Hi

Thanks for your replies. My step-father was sectioned on Friday evening under section 2 of the mental health act. He pulled my mum by her hair from the lounge to the bedroom and then tried to strangle her. He was so sorry afterwards. My mum has been to visit him and he is allowed to phone her. He has also been diagnosed with psychosis as he thinks and can see my mum with other men. He has to be restrained quite a lot as he keeps trying to get out of the hospital. The doctors are trying to sort out his medication to make him less aggressive, if this works he can come home, if not he will be sectioned under number 3 of the mental health act and have to stay in for 6 months. We will have to see what happens in the next 3 weeks or so, my mum really wants him to come home if she can cope, with the help of carers. We have been advised that not many care homes would take him if he remains this aggressive.

i'm sorry to hear this, merrydance.
It's a very hard time. My father became very paranoid towards the end of his care in his own home, before he went into a care home. Luckily he never had to be sanctioned, but we all knew it could have been so different. And we had to be prepared to do it if necessary for everyone's safety.
I wish you well over the coming weeks

SandraScarlett

merrydance wrote: »

Hi

Thanks for your replies. My step-father was sectioned on Friday evening under section 2 of the mental health act. He pulled my mum by her hair from the lounge to the bedroom and then tried to strangle her. He was so sorry afterwards. My mum has been to visit him and he is allowed to phone her. He has also been diagnosed with psychosis as he thinks and can see my mum with other men. He has to be restrained quite a lot as he keeps trying to get out of the hospital. The doctors are trying to sort out his medication to make him less aggressive, if this works he can come home, if not he will be sectioned under number 3 of the mental health act and have to stay in for 6 months. We will have to see what happens in the next 3 weeks or so, my mum really wants him to come home if she can cope, with the help of carers. We have been advised that not many care homes would take him if he remains this aggressive.

This is so sad to read, and unfortunately, all too familiar. Alas, Alzheimer's is such a cruel disease, and the person who has it often acts completely opposite to the way they did previously.


My DH was always so bewildered after any incident, as he couldn't believe he could behave they way he had. Please ensure that your Mum gets every scrap of help that is offered to her, and Google what is available in your area.


My local Crossroads, now part of the Carers' Trust, gave me 12 hours in a 4 week period, at only £3.25 an hour, thanks to various subsidies. I could have taken this as 3 hours weekly, in a block, or 2 x 6 hour sessions. I chose to have 3 x 1 hour visits, each week, when they would bathe DH, and I could have a sleep. Every little helps.


I wish you and your family well for the future.


xx

benniebert

SandraScarlett wrote: »

I'm always surprised how few people do this. I know people who went to 4 different kennels, prior to boarding their cat, and yet the elderly Mum was placed in the first Care Home they contacted, which had a vacancy!


It's always best to be proactive, rather than reactive. When a loved one has to go into care, people feel guilty anyway, and often have to choose somewhere very quickly because things have got so bad.


Forms are thrust at them, and because they are anything but calm, they may find themselves, for example, agreeing to top up fees, when these don't necessarily have to be paid.


My DH was only in a Care Home for 7 months, and it was always a possibility that the time I spent inspecting places would not have been necessary, as he may not have lived those last few months.


But I would still have been able to give my findings to friends or neighbours who might have needed them, and in any case, my kids now know what to look for, should I ever need to go into a Care Home!


xx

My mother in law lived in sheltered accommodation for a number of years paid for the LA. She then went into hospital for a number of weeks - failing heart & kidneys. We didn't get the option of viewing or checking out any care homes - the hospital via Social Services moved her without our prior knowledge into a nursing home.


It was an awful place. She then went back into hospital and guess what? - on discharge we thought that she would go back to her nursing home - no not a chance - she was moved lock stock and barrel to another one 15 miles away, again without it having been seen by us beforehand.


Thankfully she died shortly afterwards so she didn't have time to get used to the new surroundings.


As this was in the early 90's I hope things have improved since.

SandraScarlett

benniebert wrote: »

My mother in law lived in sheltered accommodation for a number of years paid for the LA. She then went into hospital for a number of weeks - failing heart & kidneys. We didn't get the option of viewing or checking out any care homes - the hospital via Social Services moved her without our prior knowledge into a nursing home.


It was an awful place. She then went back into hospital and guess what? - on discharge we thought that she would go back to her nursing home - no not a chance - she was moved lock stock and barrel to another one 15 miles away, again without it having been seen by us beforehand.


Thankfully she died shortly afterwards so she didn't have time to get used to the new surroundings.


As this was in the early 90's I hope things have improved since.

So you're talking about something that happened 25 years ago? Why? Things have changed enormously in that time. Even so, did you visit your MIL regularly? Did SS have your wife's information on record, and requests that she should be consulted prior to any decisions on your MIL's health and/or welfare?


You say you didn't get any option regarding viewing Care Homes. So were you proactive when she went into hospital, discussing her health and prognosis "for a number of weeks", with doctors, and did you enquire what would happen when she was discharged?


Would there be a care package? Were Care Homes even discussed? You know, you write so much like another poster, I think his name was Rotoguys, or it might have been Andy, and things always seemed to have a negative stance.


I've posted info that is very recent for me, and I have only been widowed for just over 3 months. I post in the hope that my information will help others, who may also be in the position of having to think about Care Homes.


It's a bad enough position to be in, without having to read horror stories that happened to you, or someone you knew, a quarter of a century ago. Where is that helping the OP?


xx

elsien

Just to clarify, a section 3 is for up to 6 months initially. If he improves with treatment, he can be discharged before that, either home or elsewhere. Just didn't want you thinking that the S3 always means the full 6 months. There are other ways to request discharge as well, such as nearest relative rights which should be explained to you. He also has the right to an Independent Mental Health Advocate while under section. He may not understand what that is, but an advocate can raise queries about his care and treatment while there if necessary. I know family do that, but this would be someone who was there just for him.
Mind or Rethink have some good explanatory leaflets if you need to read up a bit more on mental health act rights at any point.