Overwhelmed :(

AfterAllThisTimeAlways

Hi everyone, long time lurker needing some help

I would really appreciate some words of wisdom/advice/comfort however even if no one does reply it would just be great to vent all this! I apologise that this will probably be a horrendously long post but I really need to get this all of my chest and feel like no one I talk to is taking me seriously.

I am due to complete on our first house in less than a month. Completion date is arranged for 17th April, and I’m starting to freak out a bit tbh.
I say ‘I am due to complete’, as the whole thing is being done in my name only as my OH was made redundant a few months ago just before we planned to start looking for houses. He got another job straight away but it’s only a temp contract..(he is getting a permanent contract but it’s just taking a while to go through). Because we are buying through a shared ownership scheme they will only accept people in a permanent job for at least 6 months.
We’ve been living in my mums for 2 years (1 year longer than planned already) and could afford it on my income alone, so we’ve just gone for it. Everything has been approved and it’s all with solicitors now. We can’t stay here much longer anyway to be honest, things have been strained as it is, so even if this all fell through we’d probably go and rent.
But of course, now that it's all going through I’m panicking. About everything really. I should point out I am an extremely anxious and stressed out kind of person so again sorry if all these things seem really trivial. I am trying to manage it myself, I've been taking St Johns Wort for a few weeks and am getting a bit better, but not loads.
I’m panicking about how we’re going to afford everything, house, wedding, babies, emergencies etc. I earn £25k (only since May last year, was on about £15k before that for about 4 years) and OH is on minimum wage at the minute, though once he gets his contract will go onto about £14k.
We have a loan of £4k at £125 a month, due to be paid off within 3 years, it was £13k a couple of years ago, which was why we moved home and worked hard to overpay. It hasn’t been easy as OH has actually been made redundant twice now in last 2 years but we stuck at it. My payrise last year helped massively too.
We’ve no other debts (other than my student loan) and have £4k in savings too for when we move in. However our car is almost on its last legs (its a 2002 clio) so we may need to get a new car soon and without getting finance or topping up existing loan I don’t see how else we could afford it when we've just bought a new house.
We’ve also been engaged for 4 years and never got round to getting married as clearing the loan and getting a house was more important. We would like to do it in the next couple of years though, albeit very low key, but would still probably need to save about £5k for it. (Not essential so it will wait if needs be)
We’re also hoping that in 5 years (when the fix rate on the mortgage ends) we will have saved enough and house will have enough equity that we could buy the other 50% out from the shared ownership and add OH onto mortgage/deeds then too. Of course I’m already worrying about what’ll happen if we can’t afford to or if house prices have gone up too much etc. We also need to save up some sort of emergency fund for if things go wrong in the house or with jobs again.
With all that I just don’t know how we could afford kids too. Childcare is about £600pm from what I’ve read online (if we put them in full time care which neither of us would want to do tbh). However I don’t see how I could go part time if I’m still the one earning more. The mat leave in my job is good however would still need some savings for that, and then we’ve no one to help with childcare (parents etc won’t be able to help). There is the option I suppose of him going part time or being a stay at home dad, but that was never how I pictured things going.
A big part of why all this worries me is because I really hate my job. I’ve been there for nearly 5 years and it was only meant to be for 3 months before I went back to uni after leaving the course I started. However I didn’t get on the course I wanted and then just delayed going back, and just sort of ended up staying in my current job. I’ve worked my way up and am earning a good salary now and I also get other good benefits, pension, bonus etc. So on paper it looks great, but I’m really miserable in it. It is so not what I thought I’d be doing at this age, none of this is.
I feel like at 25 I’m a bit trapped now. Once I sign for this house that’s it. I’ll have a mortgage to pay so that will always come first. Then there’s the new car, the wedding, kids some day, buying out the shared ownership, having an emergency fund etc all to save for. It’s so overwhelming and I can barely sleep worrying about it all.
I should point out I am excited about finally having our own house too. I’ve moved 8 times since I was 18, and never really felt properly settled anywhere, even at home, so it will be life changing to have my own space for once that I can call home. I hope it will help with anxiety and stress too. I also realise we are very lucky to be in the position we are and I should be grateful for even having a job these days.

I’m going to stop writing now as that was already stupidly long and I could go on all day. I don’t really have any close friends or family. My OH does his best to comfort me but don’t think he can really relate to me worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet lol.

Thanks for reading and any thoughts would be appreciated

BrassicWoman

Hi! I am not surprised you are overwhelmed as you seem to be planning

- car
- baby
- wedding
- increase %age of house
- new job

all in the next week....

All you actually need to do right now is pack boxes and buy a big tin of emulsion. Stop trying to live your life all in one go!!!

I sometimes use beta blockers to help calm me down.. have you seen your GP?

elsien

Sit down and take a deep breath!
You're looking way too far ahead and letting it cloud everything. Buying a first house is stressful and does send some people into a bit of a panic.
But none of us know where we will be in a few years time - OH may have got a wonderfully well paying job by then. Or he may not.
So what are your priorities, house or job? You're not trapped by having a mortgage. It is possible to sell up and go back to renting if that turns out to be what you need to do. Yes it's a commitment, but it's a commitment you should be able to change if you need to. So one step at a time - what's important to you now? Not in a couple of years, but now?
New car? Doesn't have to be a new car, it can be a cheaper reliable second hand one as long as it keeps you on the road. Try not to think it's all or nothing, because it isn't, it's just about sorting out priorities and tackling them one step at a time.

PasturesNew

You're seeing the wood ... time to look at the trees.

Next month you'll have a roof over your head that's affordable on only one salary - and you can relax and make plans for your future. First plan should be: relax and enjoy the summer.

End of.

Everybody gets cold feet. Indeed, the minute you walk in for the first time you might even cry as it'll be smaller, darker, grubbier than you remember ...but that's normal. Everybody does that.

Just see your tree - this time next month you'll be sitting eating Pot Noodle on the floor of your own home....still wearing your PJs as there's nobody there to judge you

ognum

You are 25, you don't need all this stuff in one go. If you are happy to go ahead with the house then do it, complete on that before you think of the other things.

Reflect on the positives in your life.

You have a family who have been happy for you to live with them while you save.
You have found a home that you can afford on one salary, most people can't.
Your partner has a job and soon will be have a full time contract.
When your partner has a full time contract you can return to studying
You have a partner you want to marry, weddings cost £500 all the rest is frill.
You are young enough to save and plan your children in the future when you are ready.

Deep breath, think positives not negatives, enjoy your future!

AfterAllThisTimeAlways

Sorry by new car, I meant another used car! Don't think I'd ever buy a brand new one, too accident prone :rotfl:

You are all right of course, thinking way too far ahead. My mum is all about living for now, but then she's up to her eyeballs in debt, and doesn't care, and just takes the attitude of it doesn't matter as if she dies she has life cover etc to pay it all off, whereas I think yes but you could lose everything now!! And some people say you should always think ahead, be prepared for the unexpected etc, so it is hard to get the right balance of enjoying things now and looking at what I have achieved, without worrying about everything still to do and losing it all.

Brighton_belle

AfterAllThisTimeAlways wrote: »

You are all right of course, thinking way too far ahead. My mum is all about living for now, but then she's up to her eyeballs in debt, and doesn't care, and just takes the attitude of it doesn't matter as if she dies she has life cover etc to pay it all off, whereas I think yes but you could lose everything now!!

This may form part of your problem OP, because of the example you have been set,that you are confusing !!!!less wrecklessness with 'living in the moment'. Where as it is possible to live in the moment while being sensible with money and saving for future options. It's ok to make future plans and goals, but hold them lightly and not let them over shadow the here and now.

ali-t

PasturesNew wrote: »

Everybody gets cold feet. Indeed, the minute you walk in for the first time you might even cry as it'll be smaller, darker, grubbier than you remember ...but that's normal. Everybody does that.
)

So true! Every house I have bought I have been surprised at the dodgy paintwork, stains on carpets and various other things but then I made the house my own. Just enjoy!

AfterAllThisTimeAlways

ali-t wrote: »

So true! Every house I have bought I have been surprised at the dodgy paintwork, stains on carpets and various other things but then I made the house my own. Just enjoy!

This did make me laugh :rotfl: Probably true that when it's all bare & empty and we can see every stain and crack we'll be thinking what have we done?!

Thanks for all the encouraging words. I am going to take PasturesNew's advice and just focus on getting into the house & enjoying the summer. We couldn't have predicted what the last few years have brought so no point planning to much as things never work out exactly as you think, we can but hope

Tigsteroonie

AfterAllThisTimeAlways wrote: »

With all that I just don’t know how we could afford kids too. Childcare is about £600pm from what I’ve read online (if we put them in full time care which neither of us would want to do tbh). However I don’t see how I could go part time if I’m still the one earning more. The mat leave in my job is good however would still need some savings for that, and then we’ve no one to help with childcare (parents etc won’t be able to help). There is the option I suppose of him going part time or being a stay at home dad, but that was never how I pictured things going.

This is actually more common now than you might think. Perhaps it's time to start reassessing the options?

pickledonionspaceraider

PasturesNew wrote: »

You're seeing the wood ... time to look at the trees.

Next month you'll have a roof over your head that's affordable on only one salary - and you can relax and make plans for your future. First plan should be: relax and enjoy the summer.

End of.

Everybody gets cold feet. Indeed, the minute you walk in for the first time you might even cry as it'll be smaller, darker, grubbier than you remember ...but that's normal. Everybody does that.

Just see your tree - this time next month you'll be sitting eating Pot Noodle on the floor of your own home....still wearing your PJs as there's nobody there to judge you

Lovely advice, and very true. First night in our new home we sat eating chips out of paper on the floor...and I was a bit tearful