Massive debt but scared to tell parents?

WGFGeorge

I hate be another first time poster scurrying for help on here but after snooping about for years on here I feel this is the best place to help.

I have stupidly and shamefully run up debts I can no longer cope with and considering my current position in life, I am ashamed of myself to of caused this. With parents and their struggling families living on so little and getting by, there is me, still living at home taking life and money for granted.



I live at home with just my father who is now living a well deserved retirement. He has raised me well on his own while still working, keeping a roof over me and feeding me. I am incredibly proud to call him my dad and have him.

While living at home I have always paid my way and rightly so but I have also lived beyond my means and raised debts which are unacceptable for anyone who still lives at home.

I have around 18k of debts from a car loan, personal loan and credit cards. I have spoken to him before about it but only admitted to half the amount which he found shocking and disappointed in me. I cannot tell him the full amount as I think the stress would harm him.

As I can't tell him and refuse to ask him to dig me out I want to fix this on my own. I can't keep up the repayments and have now started to miss some for the first time.

I would like some advice on where to go or look for help or solutions available. I have looked at StepChange and their Debt Management Plan but would like to know of any other options before I contact them.

jimmy*c

StepChange well run through your circumstances and will recommend the most suitable course of action. I'd imagine a DMP would work. Give them a call.

sourcrates

Hi,
Stepchange a good starting point, National debtline another good place for advice, there are various debt remedys, depends on your own situation, certainly have a look on there respective websites, maybe give one of them a ring in the morning to discuss your options, your not alone in having debt, most people on here are hear for the same reason.
It's good your attempting to sort it out !!!

YORKSHIRELASS

Hi and welcome

I am guessing you are a lot younger than me, I am in my mid forties, married with 2 teenage children. I have been in debt since I was old enough to have a credit card and through my twenties just lived beyond my means. It has taken me a long time to control my spending and (almost) clear those debts and I have nothing really to show for it.

The two most important things for you is that you start to take control of your money and you start to pay back what you owe. I am not really sure why you need to tell your parents, unless things are so bad that you are not going to be able to keep it from them.

I think most people, when they realise how much debt they are in, look for a quick way out. I did consider asking my parents for help - and they could have paid my debts off - but I knew that it would have really really upset them. They come from a different generation and I think it would have damaged my relationship with them permanently.

The other problem about asking my parents for help is that I think I would have then just carried on spending and got back into debt again. This is why things like consolidation loans are rarely a good idea.

Take heart from the fact that there are many people on here who had far more debt than you and they have paid it off. Other people are on DMPs gradually chipping away at their debts and managing to live on a budget. Yes its hard and it will mean changes to your lifestyle but later down the line you will be thankful for it.

Assuming you have got a steady job then you are in a good position living at home to clear these debts. You just need to get some help working out a plan and start to manage your money. Just don't end up like me - still in debt years down the line. I can guarantee that having a nice car, nice clothes and holidays bought on credit really do not compensate for the worry of knowing your debts are out of control.

Good luck.

vics199

Hi, maybe it would be a good idea to do an SOA (even if you choose not to post it on here) so you can (or others can) see where you could cut back. If it is that you have been living out of your means (which it sounds like) then sorting out a budget is the best place to begin.

I'm most definitely not judging you as I have been in debt since I was 21 and now have way over £20,000 of debt. I know how it feels. A lot of mine was caused by never setting myself a budget from the day I left school. I'm not on a DMP as I can manage to get by with very strict budgeting. That may be possible for you too but you need to work out what you can pay back each month by cutting expenditure in other areas. If you are still living at home this should be much easier for you.

If you have a good income and stay living at home you may be able to avoid a DMP. Good luck whatever you decide is right.

tequilabird

WGFGeorge wrote: »

I hate be another first time poster scurrying for help on here but after snooping about for years on here I feel this is the best place to help.

I have stupidly and shamefully run up debts I can no longer cope with and considering my current position in life, I am ashamed of myself to of caused this. With parents and their struggling families living on so little and getting by, there is me, still living at home taking life and money for granted.



I live at home with just my father who is now living a well deserved retirement. He has raised me well on his own while still working, keeping a roof over me and feeding me. I am incredibly proud to call him my dad and have him.

While living at home I have always paid my way and rightly so but I have also lived beyond my means and raised debts which are unacceptable for anyone who still lives at home.

I have around 18k of debts from a car loan, personal loan and credit cards. I have spoken to him before about it but only admitted to half the amount which he found shocking and disappointed in me. I cannot tell him the full amount as I think the stress would harm him.

As I can't tell him and refuse to ask him to dig me out I want to fix this on my own. I can't keep up the repayments and have now started to miss some for the first time.

I would like some advice on where to go or look for help or solutions available. I have looked at StepChange and their Debt Management Plan but would like to know of any other options before I contact them.

Hey WGFGeorge,

Welcome to the forum! I'm quite a newbie on here too so don't worry. I recently had to reveal to my mother the extent of my debt. It was the scariest thing I have had to do, but it was worth it in the end. Yes, she was shocked and disappointed BUT she once the initial shock had passed she was calm and listened to me.

Honesty really is the best policy in my opinion. I would tell your father....I actually felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders when I told my mum.

Best of luck,

Teq x

Pollycat

vics199 wrote: »

Hi, maybe it would be a good idea to do an SOA (even if you choose not to post it on here) so you can (or others can) see where you could cut back. If it is that you have been living out of your means (which it sounds like) then sorting out a budget is the best place to begin.

I think this is an excellent idea.

I'm sure the good people on here will be able to suggest ways to cut your spending down which hopefully will allow you to have more money to deal with your debts.

National_Debtline

Hi WGFGeorge,

Welcome to MSE

There have been some really good tips on this thread to help you get started. A SOA is crucial when weighing up your options. When you do this you should look at what money you have coming in each month and then minus your daily living expenses such as rent for your dad, gas, electric, council tax, food, travel, etc. But do not include any payments to any debts at this stage. The money that you have left over at the end of each month is the money that you have available to pay your debts. If this is not enough to maintain the Contractual Minimum Payments, and there is no non-essential spending you can trim to meet those payments, don’t worry – this is when you can start to consider other options.

Based on the money available each month you can look at whether to negotiate with your debts yourself or through the help of a debt management company. Alternatively, you may consider insolvency options. Insolvency options (such as IVA’s and Bankruptcy) are more serious and can have a more long term damaging impact on your credit file, so make sure that you take full, free advice before considering undertaking either of those options.

As an additional point it is important that you do not use any bank that you currently owe debt to as your main current account. This is because they may go into your bank account facility (without your permission) and take money towards the debts owed. Therefore, I would also suggest you open a new Basic Bank Account to help protect your money and stay in control of your budget.

I hope that helps clarify your first few steps,

Laura
@natdebtline

andyfromotley

Hi george, welcome to the forum. Nothing to worry about, we all come here initially when things are bad.

You have had great advice, fill in the SOA and post it here.

bexster1975

Hello George

Please don't hate that you are a new poster "scurrying" here to get help. That's what the people here to best. You will be in good company debt-wise, and will get tons of support and advice. We await your SOA to see what can be done to help.....

Bexster

Karen777

welcome! no judgement here, just help and support. Agree with what everyone else has said, get a true picture of where you are and then consider options such as a dmp- many of us here are on dmps so lots of knowledge and experience and it's freely shared.