Crisis, could you help please?

ognum

SlimmingSusan wrote: »

Thanks, yes, have spoken to the leading PhD researcher in eating disorders in my department regarding this today, both about myself and my DD, as obviously student wellbeing is key to them.

She told me to go out of NHS, as their limited resources are not enough, but, to do that, need to tell her dad, as he is the money man, which she has asked me not to do?

I am surprised that someone who is a leading research could not make a recommendation of a particular doctor and secondly that as your daughter is working/studying in the field they would not see her at least as an I itial visit without a fee. Most doctors within a field will see other researchers and their families.

I think you are right not to tell your ex husband. Your daughter is an adult and she should be the person to talk with her father, you say she works, maybe between you there is a way she can get help without her informing her father.

I know it is difficult but sometimes we can only pass information to our adult children and wait, unless your daughters health situation is critical you may need to step back, she is an adult with a degree, a job, a relationship and her own life.

carefullycautious

I find it interesting that your username is slimmingsusan. Are you sure you have not passed on your own dieting history onto her?


I agree also with others do not be the one to tell her father, rather encourage her to discuss this with him.


Are you aware of this support


http://eating-disorders.org.uk/

ognum

carefullycautious wrote: »

I find it interesting that your username is slimmingsusan. Are you sure you have not passed on your own dieting history onto her?


I agree also with others do not be the one to tell her father, rather encourage her to discuss this with him.


Are you aware of this support


http://eating-disorders.org.uk/

Hmm, I thought that too!!

SlimmingSusan

carefullycautious wrote: »

I find it interesting that your username is slimmingsusan. Are you sure you have not passed on your own dieting history onto her?


I agree also with others do not be the one to tell her father, rather encourage her to discuss this with him.


Are you aware of this support


http://eating-disorders.org.uk/

Haha, my
username has nothing to do with this at all, you do not know me, thanks all anyway, Yes, step back and deal with everything else. Thanks

Poppie68

As a parent I too would be tempted to tell her dad especially if he has the means to pay for treatment, but maybe sit her down and explain to her what you want and need to do in order for help to be sought. As she has already confided in you about her problem it seems she is asking for help even if she doesn't realise it yet.

mellymoo74

SlimmingSusan wrote: »

Haha, my
username has nothing to do with this at all, you do not know me, thanks all anyway, Yes, step back and deal with everything else. Thanks

EDs very rarely have anything to do with food and perceived weight so it wouldn't be down to your eating habits.

It's a control thing so it may well be related and made worse by the loss of control in the workplace environment.

Stress makes it worse so is she coping ok with her studies? Is it ok with her boyfriend etc.

Don't tell her dad, try and get her to tell uni.

Lunar_Eclipse

I wouldn't tell the dad (don't break her trust) nor encourage her to tell university.

I would encourage her to see her GP and get the professional help she needs.

dancing_star

As someone in recovery from bulimia, I can only warn you do NOT tell her father if she has asked you not to.

I trusted my mother, and when I found out she had betrayed my trust by discussing my condition with a third party, I didn't speak to her for a very long time. It took a lot of work before our relationship got back on track.

Unfortunately Beat have very few resources and if you get through on the phone you'll be luckier than I was.

To be honest I wouldn't poke your nose in by discussing her condition with the university either. It's her job, her relationships and not yours. EDs are about control, and if you stick your oar in you're taking the control away from her. She needs to feel like she is controlling the way the relationships change, and the discussions. Or she'll feel she's lost the trust, and you risk losing her for a long time.

I know you want the best, but really please do tread very carefully. Feel free to PM me if you want any more advice from a sufferer's point of view.

dancing_star

Another thought. Depending on your area, NHS treatment can be very good indeed and very quick. I was seen by the specialists within a month of referral by my GP and had weekly outpatient treatment from then on. It was 'early intervention' from Psychological Services. But it is a postcode lottery I'm afraid. My GP was fantastic as well. And I was never physically ill enough to require inpatient treatment.

So encourage your daughter to see her GP first, before going private, as treatment may very well be quicker than you'd expect.