Crisis, could you help please?

SlimmingSusan

I am not sure this is the correct place to post, but cannot think straight at this moment, so please move if there is somewhere better.

My life goes from crisis to crisis, but am floored by this one. My beautiful 21 year old DD, who graduated with a first in the same department and on same degree that I am doing, last year, and now back studying for her PhD, confided in me yesterday that she has started bingeing and purging, as in bulimia.

She does not want me to tell my ex husband, her dad, who she is staying with as he will put up her boyfriend also, and I will not betray her trust, though my instinct is that he has a right to know, and needs to know. Not least so he can keep an eye on her.

Her PhD is in eating disorders, and that is making me wonder if it is an issue and she needs a break? This started the day after she was attacked by a service user with schizophrenia in the support role she was working in alongside her degree. Apparently my ex knew about the attack, but did not care to let me know. I was employed on a casual basis by the same company at the time.

She should have been removed from the supported house she was working in on the day that happened, but instead she continued to work there. Her anxiety levels got worse, I was aware of that but had no idea why. She left the company when she started her PhD in January. The management in that company are inept to say the least.

I am now in a position where all I want is to be there for my DD, but I am so close to finishing a very intense 2nd year, but am applying for EC's now, for 2 pieces of work left over next month.

I want to make this company accountable, as their incompetence seems to have exacerbated this, but it is down to my DD.

Sorry if I;m ranting, but advice would be much appreciated, I only found out yesterday and the initial shock has gone, now I need a way to deal with this.

DKLS

No real advice than contact http://www.b-eat.co.uk they have very good support services for both sufferers and parents/carers of a sufferer.

SlimmingSusan

just called that number, and thanks for that, but it is the generic, this helpline is not available at the moment, speak to the Samaritans. I understand about funding.....

j.e.j.

SlimmingSusan wrote: »

I am not sure this is the correct place to post, but cannot think straight at this moment, so please move if there is somewhere better.

My life goes from crisis to crisis, but am floored by this one. My beautiful 21 year old DD, who graduated with a first in the same department and on same degree that I am doing, last year, and now back studying for her PhD, confided in me yesterday that she has started bingeing and purging, as in bulimia.

She does not want me to tell my ex husband, her dad, who she is staying with as he will put up her boyfriend also, and I will not betray her trust, though my instinct is that he has a right to know, and needs to know. Not least so he can keep an eye on her.

Her PhD is in eating disorders, and that is making me wonder if it is an issue and she needs a break? This started the day after she was attacked by a service user with schizophrenia in the support role she was working in alongside her degree. Apparently my ex knew about the attack, but did not care to let me know. I was employed on a casual basis by the same company at the time.

She should have been removed from the supported house she was working in on the day that happened, but instead she continued to work there. Her anxiety levels got worse, I was aware of that but had no idea why. She left the company when she started her PhD in January. The management in that company are inept to say the least.

I am now in a position where all I want is to be there for my DD, but I am so close to finishing a very intense 2nd year, but am applying for EC's now, for 2 pieces of work left over next month.

I want to make this company accountable, as their incompetence seems to have exacerbated this, but it is down to my DD.

Sorry if I;m ranting, but advice would be much appreciated, I only found out yesterday and the initial shock has gone, now I need a way to deal with this.

21 and doing a PhD? That's pretty young. :think: Normally you do a degree, then a Masters, then the PhD/doctorate

If she's got an eating disorder which is affecting her studying she'd need to contact the university and let them know.

Good luck with 'making the company accountable'. It doesn't sound like there's anything that could prove it was their fault that she's got this illness.

rubytuesday

j.e.j. wrote: »

21 and doing a PhD? That's pretty young. :think: Normally you do a degree, then a Masters, then the PhD/doctorate

If she's got an eating disorder which is affecting her studying she'd need to contact the university and let them know.

Good luck with 'making the company accountable'. It doesn't sound like there's anything that could prove it was their fault that she's got this illness.

You can do a PhD without a Masters particularly if you got a First.

I think it is important that the Dad knows about the situation.

In some circumstances it is essential to break trust but inform your daughter first and tell her why you think it is important.

tomtontom

Your daughter should approach student support services who can refer her to counselling services. She is an adult and she needs to do this for herself. The last thing you want to do is let it affect your own studies, which in turn will make her feel worse.

It is not for you to break her confidence and tell other people, doing so it's likely to stop her telling you anything again.

RAS

Please get her to speak to Student Services/Welfare and get a referral.

You need to concentrate on your studies and recognise her boundaries. She has asked you notto tell dad, so do not tell him.

ognum

SlimmingSusan wrote: »

I am not sure this is the correct place to post, but cannot think straight at this moment, so please move if there is somewhere better.

My life goes from crisis to crisis, but am floored by this one. My beautiful 21 year old DD, who graduated with a first in the same department and on same degree that I am doing, last year, and now back studying for her PhD, confided in me yesterday that she has started bingeing and purging, as in bulimia.

She does not want me to tell my ex husband, her dad, who she is staying with as he will put up her boyfriend also, and I will not betray her trust, though my instinct is that he has a right to know, and needs to know. Not least so he can keep an eye on her.

Her PhD is in eating disorders, and that is making me wonder if it is an issue and she needs a break? This started the day after she was attacked by a service user with schizophrenia in the support role she was working in alongside her degree. Apparently my ex knew about the attack, but did not care to let me know. I was employed on a casual basis by the same company at the time.

She should have been removed from the supported house she was working in on the day that happened, but instead she continued to work there. Her anxiety levels got worse, I was aware of that but had no idea why. She left the company when she started her PhD in January. The management in that company are inept to say the least.

I am now in a position where all I want is to be there for my DD, but I am so close to finishing a very intense 2nd year, but am applying for EC's now, for 2 pieces of work left over next month.

I want to make this company accountable, as their incompetence seems to have exacerbated this, but it is down to my DD.

Sorry if I;m ranting, but advice would be much appreciated, I only found out yesterday and the initial shock has gone, now I need a way to deal with this.

Firstly, it is good that your daughter has confided in you, you can be there to support her.

Secondly, it is interesting that your daughters research is into eating disorders. People are often drawn to study subjects that affect them personally and it is possible that your daughter has had some form of eating disorder fo a while. Can you reflect back on her youth and consider if this may have been the case.

It would be unusual for one issue to trigger full scale purging and bingeing, you do not say if she is also making herself vomit. You and your daughter clearly has a psychology background and I am sure she is aware that it would be hard to connect an issue that can have causation as far back as childhood to the one incident described.

Can you suggest your daughter seeks help from her GP and an onward referral if the situation is considered severe enough.

SlimmingSusan

j.e.j. wrote: »

21 and doing a PhD? That's pretty young. :think: Normally you do a degree, then a Masters, then the PhD/doctorate

If she's got an eating disorder which is affecting her studying she'd need to contact the university and let them know.

Good luck with 'making the company accountable'. It doesn't sound like there's anything that could prove it was their fault that she's got this illness.

Yes it is young, but, as she got a first, no need to be messing around doing a masters, more money, have spoke to staff today, just got back

SlimmingSusan

ognum wrote: »

Firstly, it is good that your daughter has confided in you, you can be there to support her.

Secondly, it is interesting that your daughters research is into eating disorders. People are often drawn to study subjects that affect them personally and it is possible that your daughter has had some form of eating disorder fo a while. Can you reflect back on her youth and consider if this may have been the case.

It would be unusual for one issue to trigger full scale purging and bingeing, you do not say if she is also making herself vomit. You and your daughter clearly has a psychology background and I am sure she is aware that it would be hard to connect an issue that can have causation as far back as childhood to the one incident described.

Can you suggest your daughter seeks help from her GP and an onward referral if the situation is considered severe enough.

Thanks, yes, have spoken to the leading PhD researcher in eating disorders in my department regarding this today, both about myself and my DD, as obviously student wellbeing is key to them.

She told me to go out of NHS, as their limited resources are not enough, but, to do that, need to tell her dad, as he is the money man, which she has asked me not to do?

purpleshoes_2

If your daughter has asked you not to tell her dad and you tell him, be prepared for her never to trust you again.