Seperation / Divorce Matrimonial Debts

enemes

eira wrote: »

List very carefully all the debts-joint/those in your name only and all matrimonial assets. List also all known accounts-bank/savings/mortgage/pension/.income. Any paperwork you have use it to check on this. Do it yourself so that there is no solicitor costs or prior warning to other party.
Make out a schedule of what you need to live on like a human being. How old are the kids ?

Thanks for that. I do ... keep a record of everything. Unfortunately there was no provision made in the divorce for finances. My lawyer reckoned the kids were the important comodity, and they are, and finances would mess things up as it was better not to go to proof, which with hindsight was prudent.

I am subsequently applying through the CSA, but thats another story, detailed elsewhere on this site ( http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=518465 ). The kids are both primary school age, so there's a long way to go.

As for the current debts which I am furnishing solely, I think a civil action will be the next route if I can't find another means to force her into paying her half. Apparently, I have five years from the date of the last payment to invoke such an action. They will have contact with her once a fortnight, so I have the majority of costs to cover, which is sickening as she is in full-time employment and NOT paying any of the debts.

You're quite right, eira, the criticism of single parents is heard on a daily basis, and the other half can continue to carry on without a care. Sadly, her motives are driven by what is best to get back at me, rather than what is best for "her" children. It is only when the children get older, that they will be "proud of me", but my concern is what damage to them will occur meantime.

::OMG::

Well Done! Time for you and your children to get on with the rest of your lives ... and that's an achievement in itself.

Two points ... first, be wary of the civil action you talk about. I don't know how much you are chasing, but bear in mind that it will set you back £6 - 8K. If you don't win, thats a lot of money thrown away, which your children could have benefitted from, so don't lose sight of the real "currencies"

Secondly ... as for single parents. Well, I too am a single parent, albeit an NRP, but still classed as a single parent. I might not have the Child benefit or Tax Credits but my main role is that of a parent for a couple of days every week, and we are the single parents who you never hear of.

eira

Just had a thought-go to the court and. they do not give legal advice but they know exactly what forms to fill in . You can ask for a private room and they will tell you what you need to fill in etc. They know exactly what the forms and procedures are because they deal with it daily. I lost out principally because the right forms weren't filled in correctly

Currently going to claim off my solicitor's insurance company and the solicitor's have tried all sorts to wriggle out of it. Results came from a phone call to the Solicitor's regulatory body followed by a call to their insurance brokers-issue sorted. Cost 2 phone calls

I really would plan ahead with the kids. A CSA order would expire when they are 16 or finish their A levels .The MCA act says specifically that the needs of the kids come first (hollow laugh) and that there should be a consideration of their previous lifestyle.

With a dad like you the kids are on a good footing. All you can do about their mother is to keep channels open and, your comments to yourself and keep a weather eye and ear open for the way she treats the kids. This is a hard one as it depends on 1)what kind of person she is 2)how emotionally attached she is to the kids (

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)3) her motives for leaving (

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).

What's awful about this kind of situation is that the kids know that you aren't exactly flush, the other party says how hunky dory everything is and how it was 'all for the best'. But they're very often living in a much bigger house/car/holidays etc while the kids do without. The other variable is the 'partner'-and that is a whole can of mushrooms.

Have you noticed by the way how many successful adults have been brought up by resolute single parents ?

enemes

eira wrote: »

Just had a thought-go to the court and. they do not give
legal advice but they know exactly what forms to fill in ....

Wow ... I had never thought about that, yet it is so obvious, Duh! Thanks ... AGAIN!!
I might as well try the DIY Lawyer bit ... sounds very intriguing.

eira wrote: »

All you can do about their mother is to keep
channels open and, your comments to yourself and keep a weather eye and ear
open for the way she treats the kids. This is a hard one as it depends on
1)what kind of person she is
2)how emotionally attached she is to the kids (

---

)
3) her motives for leaving (

---

).

The answer to No. 3) None, I left her and took the kids with me, which pretty well gives you a flavour of what the answers are for 1) and 2)!

eira wrote: »

Have you noticed by the way how many successful adults have been brought
up by resolute single parents ?

I hadn't actually ... but it is a very good point, something that I had never really considered. I have never fished about to see if any of my friends or colleagues came from such an upbringing. None of my close friends were, but there must be others that I know who were, and they would be an invaluable source to really understand what it is like for a child.

::OMG:: wrote: »

my main role is that of a parent for a couple of days
every week, and we are the single parents who you never hear of.

Sorry OMG, I wasn't attacking NRP's as a whole, because I know there are some wonderful and able NRPs out there. I know many such mums and dads, although I do know one great exception to the rule!

Thanks again to you for bringing these to my attention ... which at the moment doesn't seem to be very good!

enemes

::OMG:: wrote: »

be wary of the civil action you talk about. I don't know how much you are chasing, but bear in mind that it will set you back £6 - 8K.

Just out of pure curiosity ... £6-8,000? Is that to launch a civil case, or the whole cost of an action?

eira

Sorry mis read your post-just shows how much of your own situation you can impose on others ! Thought you might find it useful to put Child Support Calculator into Google. This brings up a range of interactive US child support calculators of varying details. Although details only applicable to various US states they are very useful for breaking down costs and looking at the details.Just helps focus things. They tend to be a whole lot more pragmatic than the CSA

::OMG::

enemes wrote: »

Just out of pure curiosity ... £6-8,000? Is that to launch a civil case, or the whole cost of an action?

I know two others who went down that road. One spent £6 1/2 K and won her case, and the other I know was the £8K, which is why I know roughly how much they cost. BTW the latter lost, and had to pay another £3K in costs.

Another option ... can you claim any of the smaller debts against her in the small claims court? Worth considering.

Good Luck

enemes

Well, one bit of good news though, the Tax Credit over-payment lark. My ex somehow managed to "over claim" £20K in 2004/05. ( I know ... How?) and I've (yeah, me and me only) have been paying it back on a monthly basis for the last 18 months.

Would love to think I could get out of that one, even if it is only on a technicality ... wish me luck

enemes

In for an update ...

I have stuck to my guns and have now not paid anything to debtors for some time now. I am beginning to get calls from them, and suprisingly, they seem sympathetic to my cause.

They appreciate that I am with-holding payments in the hope to invoke the debtors to finally take action against her ... it seems to be working - for the time being anyway.

I'll stick it out and keep you all informed as things develop ...

::OMG::

Go for it ... wonder how long you'll be able to last out, especially now with the big bank squeeze on.

Good Luck!