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mhoc wrote: »

Eldest child has got it into her head that this is the year that she and her BF are getting onto the property ladder. They both have good incomes but their lifestyle and outgoings are also huge.

They say they have savings for a deposit but in reality she has about £5k (of which £2k was her inheritance and 3K savings) and BF has about 10K – this was his inheritance from his Gran I assume, otherwise little of his own savings. This will probably be about as much deposit as they will ever have as their outgoings match their incomes.

This would be an adequate deposit except that they live in a commuter belt and they have decided that is where they want to buy their first property. They also want to live within walking distance of the station as they do now and to move by July this year when their current lease expires.

I am biting my tongue not to say what I think of this plan – that with a deposit of barely 5% (allowing for stamp duty, solicitors fees, surveys etc), the amount of mortgage they could get would barely get them a one bedroom modern studio box in their prefered area, that their mortgage (and bills, parking permit etc )would be far more than their rent and bills now which already pushes their finances, that the property market is so over heated that properties are sold even before they get as far as right move ….
They also want to do it all, no compromises – the London social life, buying a house or flat and also the holidays – they are going to the States in October to a friends wedding.

Friday was OHs birthday and he got a phone call from eldest child – we had visitors at the time so I don’t know what exactly was said and I am glad I don’t know the exact wording but the gist basically was that she wants £5k towards the deposit – not exactly the best of timings on OHs birthday.

Yesterday on eldest childs facebook page she put on her status that her and BF were at a gentlemens outfitters in London, one of the most expensive places in London. Eldest child was thrilled when the shop gave her fizzy wine and a bunch of flowers.

BF was buying a suit – I asked this morning how much it was but apparently as it was bought with his Grans inheritance it was not appropriate for me to ask – I can guess though that the figure was at least several hundred.

So the savings they have are supposed to be a deposit but it does not stop BF buying expensive suits – yes he does need a suit for October but that’s six months away and yes he does need work suits but he visits building sites so a Paul Smith suit is a bit OTT.
Well everyone earns and spends their money differently to anyone else and there is no right or wrong way.

So at the moment I am letting them get on with it they won’t appreciate my input anyway or listen to anything I have to say and any words of advice I give them won’t make an ounce of difference as at this age thye know everything.

I guess I'm lucky in the sense that my parents got the mortgage for me, so I could privately borrow from them - This was down to me being newly self employed so completely unable to get a mortgage.

However

I agreed to put all of my £22k savings towards doing the house up to get it to a standard where I could remortgage in a few years when I can pay them back.

I've demonstrated clear ability to save money, and I don't live an extravagant life compared to the vast majority my age.

They've seen the effort I put into my business & the balance sheet etc. So I could prove to them I could pay it back.

I've never, ever borrowed money from my parents. They know I hate borrowing, and I as a person simply wouldn't be able to cope with the guilt of not paying them back on monthly basis!

I know the financial amounts are different, but is the relationship your daughter has with money the same as mine?

Will she put paying you back before new clothes, fancy shampoos and other beauty products & nights out?

Otherwise the gift could be the worst thing you ever do, not only because you spend £5k that you'll never get back but you'll enhance the poor relationship with money and with each other often causing conflict within the family etc.

mhoc

Eyespy wrote: »

I'm afraid I wouldn't be so forthcoming with lending or giving them the 5k that they are asking for when clearly they are spending willy nilly. When saving for a deposit their belts should be tightened first before daring to ask for help.

I used to think my parents were tough on me for not handing anything to me on a plate but many a time I look back and am grateful for the lessons I learnt.

Quite right - some tough love is needed

I think I would be more agreeable if they were saving for some time eg 18 months or 2 years but they have not.
If finding a house was the sole subject of their interests this year I would also be more agreeable but the trip to the states has been on the cards longer and I don't know how you can do both.

Delta_1984

9 items on your bill qualify for comparison ASDA Tesco
+£7.12

0.19 x ASDA Bananas by Weight per kg £0.13 £0.12
1 x ASDA Limes Loose £0.30 £0.30
1 x Haribo Maoam Giant Strawberry Stripes £0.10 £0.10
1 x Haribo Maoam Giant Sour Stripes (15g) £0.10 £0.10
1 x Haribo Starmix Minis £0.10 £0.10
1 x Haribo Tangfastics £0.10 £0.10
1 x ASDA Chosen by You Cumberland Scotch Eggs (2 per p... £1.00 £0.89
1 x Nestle Kit Kat Chunky Retro Mug & Egg (196g) £5.00 £1.50
1 x Nestle Yorkie Egg & Mug (192g) £5.00 £1.50

Comparison total £11.83 £4.71 (used up previous APG of £5.27 so £6.56 paid, £7.60 back )

mhoc

and something else that has annoyed me is that eldest child was paying her dad back £100 a month - she loaned some money when she bought her car and there has been various other things over the last 2 years.
We were quite happy for her to lend from us rather than get a bank loan and she set up a standing order and this arrangement has worked well.

so there is less than a thousand outstanding now and I said she could have a loan holiday - stop paying the £100 a month and instead put it into the holiday fund in readiness for the October visit to the states. Then start again in November

then she drops the house bombshell

bubbs

Delta_1984 wrote: »

9 items on your bill qualify for comparison ASDA Tesco
+£7.12

0.19 x ASDA Bananas by Weight per kg £0.13 £0.12
1 x ASDA Limes Loose £0.30 £0.30
1 x Haribo Maoam Giant Strawberry Stripes £0.10 £0.10
1 x Haribo Maoam Giant Sour Stripes (15g) £0.10 £0.10
1 x Haribo Starmix Minis £0.10 £0.10
1 x Haribo Tangfastics £0.10 £0.10
1 x ASDA Chosen by You Cumberland Scotch Eggs (2 per p... £1.00 £0.89
1 x Nestle Kit Kat Chunky Retro Mug & Egg (196g) £5.00 £1.50
1 x Nestle Yorkie Egg & Mug (192g) £5.00 £1.50

Comparison total £11.83 £4.71 (used up previous APG of £5.27 so £6.56 paid, £7.60 back )

Only 2 eggs? there 3 for £10

EMMAP

I'm with you mhoc. Not right that.

She still owes you money. That should come before any holiday or before you'd even think of asking for more :eek:

I wouldn't dream of owing anyone money whilst flashing cash elsewhere

nan26

Delta_1984 wrote: »

9 items on your bill qualify for comparison ASDA Tesco
+£7.12

0.19 x ASDA Bananas by Weight per kg £0.13 £0.12
1 x ASDA Limes Loose £0.30 £0.30
1 x Haribo Maoam Giant Strawberry Stripes £0.10 £0.10
1 x Haribo Maoam Giant Sour Stripes (15g) £0.10 £0.10
1 x Haribo Starmix Minis £0.10 £0.10
1 x Haribo Tangfastics £0.10 £0.10
1 x ASDA Chosen by You Cumberland Scotch Eggs (2 per p... £1.00 £0.89
1 x Nestle Kit Kat Chunky Retro Mug & Egg (196g) £5.00 £1.50
1 x Nestle Yorkie Egg & Mug (192g) £5.00 £1.50

Comparison total £11.83 £4.71 (used up previous APG of £5.27 so £6.56 paid, £7.60 back )

The eggs are 3 for £10 so have you found the trigger.

bubbs

There is not a trigger they are comparing well to t's

Anon

nan26 wrote: »

The eggs are 3 for £10 so have you found the trigger.

Or just bought 2 direct as works out the same price vT where they are £1.50?

Anon

David.

Deja vu