Renovations and Repayments.

AlexLK

Sunday 4th October, 2015.

Dear Diary,

Today has been a bad day for MSE'ing and the most I've spent on clothing since my pre-debt diary days. I'll be honest, it was nice to forget about money saving for an afternoon and enjoy spending like the old times but it's not something I'll be making a habit of. Unfortunately, we are going to need to be quite careful with money for the next few weeks as I've already told Mrs K we aren't going into savings or my business accounts.

Still no further along with the savings apart from adding the usual £30. Did consider not doing that as we are feeling rather broke at the moment. However, I do not want to start getting back into the habits that made me so awful with money, so we'll be putting the £30 away regardless... son's birthday presents will have to wait until after Mrs K is paid this month.

Going to make a big effort over this coming week to not have anything stronger than a cup of tea. A while back I made a post on the 'other' thread, explaining my plans to only drink on special occasions. Since that post I didn't stick by my vow and it was becoming the habit I had pre-MSE. For the first time in a while I didn't have a drink yesterday and today I've also managed to do without, so I hope by posting this on here I'll really manage no drinking unless for special occasions.

Unfortunately, son is still feeling under the weather, so I'm not sure whether he will be attending school or not tomorrow. Next week, I hope to address the lack of effort going into accumulating money for the savings and get some work done for the business. We've also got a tenant moving out, which I'm going to be dealing with. Think it's starting to sink in that my parents really are getting older and one day I won't have them to turn to.

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.

AlexLK

Don't really know what's wrong with me at the moment, I've just spent the last 30 minutes or so in an awful state. I sent a PM to another member and afterwards spent some time reading a few old PMs that someone on here sent when I'd first joined MSE. This person offered some brilliant advice but is unfortunately no longer with us. Can't help but think how unfair life is at times.

Today my father and I had a bit of a disagreement over lunch, nothing awful but feeling really guilty about not just agreeing with him now as he won't be here forever and know they won't appreciate me calling at this time of night.

newgirly

You can't spend the next few years worrying about what you say or do just incase Alex, I know my Dad won't be around forever, I still enjoy telling him when he is wrong though

Sorry about the pm thing, perhaps you should delete them now if its upsetting?

ourcornercottage

You can't agree with everything, although I must admit with family I find myself more and more trying just to keep the peace even when I don't think they are right. It sounds like you had a panic attack possibly, there are ways you can cope with getting over these quickly. A quick Google will give you a host of ideas to try.

Im a worry guts too (see time of posting/ sleeplessness) and if I was right or wrong I'll worry after a confrontation. That's why I keep the peace I suppose.

Re drinking, why not consider fully stopping (easier said than done). Alcohol does not suit some people for various reasons and you might just be one of them. I can give or take it but have cut right back to the occasional one as I find I cope with life better that way. The BF who suffers with many issues like you describe also has cut right back and has found a lot of his issues disappear with it. It's a depressant drug don't forget.

AlexLK

newgirly wrote: »

You can't spend the next few years worrying about what you say or do just incase Alex, I know my Dad won't be around forever, I still enjoy telling him when he is wrong though

Sorry about the pm thing, perhaps you should delete them now if its upsetting?

I can't face the inevitability of mortality. My father hasn't been particularly well for a few years. I also can't help but wonder if he knows something the rest of us don't as he spends hours and hours telling me about the past, as if he wants me to know his life story. A few years back, he would say nothing about before I was born and went so far as trying to deny his past and family. Most of the time my son spends at school I have to be there, listening to him.

This probably sounds a bit strange but I don't want to delete the PMs. The person in question offered some good advice and I advised about music (something this person was new to). In many ways I wish I'd been taken but I also want to see my son grow up.

ourcornercottage wrote: »

You can't agree with everything, although I must admit with family I find myself more and more trying just to keep the peace even when I don't think they are right. It sounds like you had a panic attack possibly, there are ways you can cope with getting over these quickly. A quick Google will give you a host of ideas to try.

Im a worry guts too (see time of posting/ sleeplessness) and if I was right or wrong I'll worry after a confrontation. That's why I keep the peace I suppose.

Re drinking, why not consider fully stopping (easier said than done). Alcohol does not suit some people for various reasons and you might just be one of them. I can give or take it but have cut right back to the occasional one as I find I cope with life better that way. The BF who suffers with many issues like you describe also has cut right back and has found a lot of his issues disappear with it. It's a depressant drug don't forget.

It wasn't a panic attack, I've had plenty of those to know. Fortunately, I've got to the stage that I recognise those now and can get over them quickly.

Sorry to hear you struggle with sleep too. At the time I didn't even think it a confrontation and I know father will tell me he's forgotten about it today.

I have cut back drinking significantly, I used to get through about 2 bottles of wine and then move onto whatever else was in the house every evening. Not something I'm proud of. In fact, I can remember admitting on the 'other' thread during the early days of cutting back that it was the first Sunday alcohol free since I was about 18, apart from when I was very ill and in hospital. These days I wouldn't even think of drinking that much and am somewhat ashamed to admit it. To be honest, I'm not sure cutting it out completely is a realistic goal for me, though.

Debsnewbudget

Alex
Why dont you get some a4 sheets and a ring binder and then you can make notes of your dads life and then slot the pages in so its chronological . That way it doesnt just become an endless story of things in the past but becomes a full story of his life.
It will help him focus, and you focus and maybe you just do an hour a day on it which frees up some time for you
I did this with my mums stories and actually wrote the eulogy very easilly from the notes following her death in July. They are also of interest to my children, and available for their children if they want to know in the future.
You could even add photos and set him the task of looking for the photos and sorting out who is who, as often we dont recognise Auntie Bertha as a child :rotfl: but they do
Deb

smallholdingsister

Hang in there Alex.
Priceless advice I have had when in a state

work out what makes things better and do more of those things.

ourcornercottage

Have you considered you dads just becoming more comfortable talking to you. Take it as a nice thing.

Cutting back on alcohol will make a significant difference. So what you can, there's no point trying to quit things if you aren't ready to.

Ps never be ashamed of your past, it's what makes you who you are today.

AlexLK

Debsnewbudget wrote: »

Alex
Why dont you get some a4 sheets and a ring binder and then you can make notes of your dads life and then slot the pages in so its chronological . That way it doesnt just become an endless story of things in the past but becomes a full story of his life.
It will help him focus, and you focus and maybe you just do an hour a day on it which frees up some time for you
I did this with my mums stories and actually wrote the eulogy very easilly from the notes following her death in July. They are also of interest to my children, and available for their children if they want to know in the future.
You could even add photos and set him the task of looking for the photos and sorting out who is who, as often we dont recognise Auntie Bertha as a child :rotfl: but they do
Deb

My father has quite a few photo albums and I've written quite a few things he's told me in my own personal diaries. Writing a story of his life sounds like a good thing to do though as it would be nice for my son to be able to read when he's an adult. I very much doubt father will be around then and he's close to his grandfather.

So far as my father's family goes, he has no contact with them and no photographs. He doesn't really talk about his childhood much. I asked him if he would like to get in touch with his family and he said he didn't.

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Hang in there Alex.
Priceless advice I have had when in a state

work out what makes things better and do more of those things.

Thanks, smallholding.

Not managed to work out what makes things better, to be honest.

ourcornercottage wrote: »

Have you considered you dads just becoming more comfortable talking to you. Take it as a nice thing.

Cutting back on alcohol will make a significant difference. So what you can, there's no point trying to quit things if you aren't ready to.

Ps never be ashamed of your past, it's what makes you who you are today.

I hadn't considered that possibility. I did ask him about his health today and he told me that his health is stable which mother confirmed, so I suppose you could be right.

I've not had a drink today and don't intend to tomorrow either. No desire to completely quit drinking as I know I can do without it. Would like to keep it to special occasions, so Mrs K and I are going to stop keeping alcohol in the house. Not so easy to drown ones sorrows when there's a drive to the shop first.

Not sure I can ever be proud of my past, nor am I pleased with who I am today. My father said he'd give up everything he and mother have worked for to see me happy today, I asked them not to take the opportunity if it ever came up because I want my son to have a good future. Not really sure how I cannot be ashamed of my past or see a future for me but I do see a future for my son and wife, for the rest of my family and music pupils.

7roland8

One thing with older parents Alex is always leave them on good terms, even if you have had words.

One day it will be the last time for us all to say goodbye to a loved one and you don't want to be remembering harsh words.

Definitely do dads family reminiscences, or even record on a dictaphone.