Renovations and Repayments.

maman

I think it's brilliant that the 'new' Alex. can cope with these things.:T

AlexLK wrote: »

Re. my wife. She's concerned things are going to be as they were when I previously had a "proper job" - I become consumed by it and there's a negative impact on my health. Whereas I am sure that won't be the case. I know the signs and can recognise when things are going in a downward spiral for me now. The school I'm going to be spending the vast majority of the year is very supportive to all staff, which will be good for me. My wife also has some selfish concerns about whether her dinner will be ready within 10 minutes of her getting back from work and is further concerned that during busy times / when I am involved in school concerts and parents evenings etc. that she may have to pick our son up from my cousin's occasionally. Mrs K has recently changed her mind about our son attending prep school and thinks if I find myself in a full time position for 2018-19 he should board to make things easier. I know he wouldn't cope and is settled at his current school, my cousin is happy to have him after school and he loves being there and helping so I don't think it necessary. If I'm honest I'd rather not pursue teaching beyond next year if it means my son will have to board.

:eek: That's ridiculous and extreme. Of course, you have to make childcare arrangements and your cousin sounds like a brilliant choice. I do hope MrsK can be a bit more compromising and realise she could make a few minor changes to her routine to make life easier for all. I know you tend to cook meals from scratch and quick,simple things like fish can still be on the midweek menu but a bit of batch cooking and freezing (pasta sauces etc) in school holidays will help a lot.


I share MrsK's concerns about you potentially working too hard but with a supportive school and self discipline (make sure you plan time to yourself and family time) then it can be achieved. I'm also convinced the government has to do something about teacher workload (and salaries) otherwise the exodus will continue.

AlexLK wrote: »

My parents haven't been easy to deal with for the past few days, either. This morning when I went to the house my mother told me she had decided now is the time I need to move home. I told her it isn't going to happen and get the "look how much we've provided for you and what we can provide that you cannot for your son" lecture. We're all there for lunch tomorrow, so hoping nothing will really be said and things are a bit more positive.

Oh Really???? I know you won't give into this emotional blackmail. Enough said.


On a completely separate note, I thought of you when I was reading an article about music at St Oswald's Church, Ashbourne this week.
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/my-leaping-llamas-are-transfixed-by-humans-kl5tsjdq8


Do you have time to get involved in local music/culture?

AlexLK

kelpie35 wrote: »

I think you need to reassure your wife that she will manage the care of little K.

You have said in the past that she is not very maternal, she is probably not feeling confident.

One way of trying to help her is if little K can say how much he is looking forward to spending time with mum while you are at work.

You are going to do a job that you love and that it is not like any other paid employment you you have had in the past.

As for your wife's suggestion about boarding school will not work for either you or your son. :eek:

Just try your best to keep reassuring your wife that she will love the time spent with little K.

Take care

We're talking about c. 10 nights per year, so she wouldn't need to pick him up from my cousin's very often at all, really.

Recently, my wife has been making an effort but I know she doesn't like the idea of picking him up and potentially having to make / eat dinner with him alone if I have a concert commitment. This has come up this year as I planned and delivered a recital evening for the volunteer school. My son went to my cousin's and ate there. I picked him up on the way home and he went straight to bed as it was late. My wife was not working away but refused to pick him up without me.

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Hello Alex!

Have you got a slow cooker? Might be a solution to the dinner - ready problem?
Though I have heard that some women are able to cook...

:rotfl: My wife can cook quite well when she wants to.

We do have a slow cooker and use it during the winter.

Karmacat wrote: »

Alex, I think you're right - I was a psychotherapist for a long time, and for about ten years I seemed to specialise in adults who'd been sent away to boarding school at the age of 7 or so The symptoms were akin to PTSD: not every child gets it, of course, but enough. Teenage boarding is quite different. The only adult that was sent away at the age of 7 who liked it, did so because their home life was so bad

Save

It's not going to happen as it would be completely unfair to my son. I think it would have a negative impact on his well-being, both in the short and long term.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

I think it's brilliant that the 'new' Alex. can cope with these things.:T

:eek: That's ridiculous and extreme. Of course, you have to make childcare arrangements and your cousin sounds like a brilliant choice. I do hope MrsK can be a bit more compromising and realise she could make a few minor changes to her routine to make life easier for all. I know you tend to cook meals from scratch and quick,simple things like fish can still be on the midweek menu but a bit of batch cooking and freezing (pasta sauces etc) in school holidays will help a lot.

Certainly trying to keep positive about things and cope as best I can.

Yes, I thought it rather extreme too. The discussion started because I mentioned there were few part time positions and depending on how the coming year goes I may apply to some of the full time positions if I really like this coming year. In reality, I don't know what I'm going to do, it was just a potential option. My son loves going to my cousin's and this summer term has seen him try out the arrangement. Cousin and husband are happy to have him - he does not inconvenience them, they are very family orientated and enjoy having him. Almost every evening I will be able to pick him up.

Already started batch cooking and freezing pasta sauces! It's working quite well and means a lot less food is thrown away.

maman wrote: »

I share MrsK's concerns about you potentially working too hard but with a supportive school and self discipline (make sure you plan time to yourself and family time) then it can be achieved. I'm also convinced the government has to do something about teacher workload (and salaries) otherwise the exodus will continue.

The coming year has been planned on the iPad ... not sure whether you'll disapprove but I've set alarms and I'll be leaving school at 4.00pm everyday but staff meeting day (4.45 / 5.00pm). I'll then pick my son up and spend time with him and my wife until he goes to bed. After his bedtime I will be working in the study until 10pm when I go to bed. If something is left over, it will rollover to the next day or I will evaluate if it's something that really needs doing. I've also set aside some time on a Sunday evening but will not be working on Saturdays or for the most-part of Sunday. As I've said before, whilst I'm looking forward to this, it will not take over my life and I am not willing to put the needs of any school above the needs of my family.

The school does seem very supportive and every member of staff I met could only say good things about the school as a place to work (school direct, so slightly different to standard PGCE, even though I will get a PGCE from a university).

maman wrote: »

Oh Really???? I know you won't give into this emotional blackmail. Enough said.

Yesterday, I told my mother when she was causing a fuss about the house being passed through the generations that I may sell it and start an Aston Martin collection. She was furious. It amused my father, though with a warning about not being able to run / maintain the AMs if I sell the other property too. :rotfl: Later father told me I could take some money to buy an AM if I wanted to, though I'm fairly certain he was trying to lure me into some nasty trick.

maman wrote: »

On a completely separate note, I thought of you when I was reading an article about music at St Oswald's Church, Ashbourne this week.
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/my-leaping-llamas-are-transfixed-by-humans-kl5tsjdq8


Do you have time to get involved in local music/culture?

I don't get involved in local music / culture at all and have no real desire to as there seems a lot of petty politics involved.

kelpie35

Recently, my wife has been making an effort but I know she doesn't like the idea of picking him up and potentially having to make / eat dinner with him alone if I have a concert commitment. This has come up this year as I planned and delivered a recital evening for the volunteer school. My son went to my cousin's and ate there. I picked him up on the way home and he went straight to bed as it was late. My wife was not working away but refused to pick him up without me.

Have you tried asking her why she took that decision?

It sounds to me that she has no confidence when it comes to looking after her son. Is there any way she might be able to open u to you or someone else about her fears? This is a worry that you do not need.

I think you need to let her know how much it is worrying you about her attitude towards sharing the cooking and parenting.

Other than that you are doing so well and should be very proud of what you have achieved so far. This is just another little hiccup life throws at you.

Take care

AlexLK

July Targets:

How are we over 1/3 the way through this month already? :eek:

Organise Summer holiday: 1. Trip to R.W. 2. Holiday. 3. Agricultural shows x 3.
Debts: Pay £1,000 (/ £4,000 to pay)
Total Grocery Spend: £115 / £400.
New bedtime routine: 8/31.
Meditation: 9/21.
Keeping organised: Have been avoiding things for the past few days, need to get back to it.
Spreadsheets / Money tracking: Updated.
De-clutter and Sell: / 3 items. Including the car I've been meaning to sell for a couple of months now. Really struggling to motivate myself with this.
Books read for pleasure: 1 / 3.
Prep tasks for course: 1 / 4.
Learn something new or refine a skill: 1. Continue learning and applying new knowledge to create more sophisticated and streamlined spreadsheets. 2. Learn a new piece of repertoire.

kelpie35 wrote: »

Have you tried asking her why she took that decision?

It sounds to me that she has no confidence when it comes to looking after her son. Is there any way she might be able to open u to you or someone else about her fears? This is a worry that you do not need.

I think you need to let her know how much it is worrying you about her attitude towards sharing the cooking and parenting.

Other than that you are doing so well and should be very proud of what you have achieved so far. This is just another little hiccup life throws at you.

Take care

Thanks, kelpie.

I think I perhaps do need to speak to her about it. Mrs. K. is enjoying doing things together as a family which is a step forward. My son can be less well behaved with my wife than he is with others. I don't think he's got an awful lot of respect for her, to be honest.

kelpie35

I think I perhaps do need to speak to her about it. Mrs. K. is enjoying doing things together as a family which is a step forward. My son can be less well behaved with my wife than he is with others. I don't think he's got an awful lot of respect for her, to be honest.

I can understand that to a point.

Little K is a very intelligent child. I know he adores you so you can maybe work on their relationship together.

I do understand the "respect" bit but it is not something that cannot be changed, with hard work from your wife and support from you.

I do hope these things can be worked out because you are a lovely little family.

You all have so much love to give each other, so don't lose faith that things will work out.

Take care

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

I think I perhaps do need to speak to her about it. Mrs. K. is enjoying doing things together as a family which is a step forward. My son can be less well behaved with my wife than he is with others. I don't think he's got an awful lot of respect for her, to be honest.

Respect has to be earned Alex and MrsK won't get that by avoiding spending time with him. He's a bright lad and I'm sure he's worked things out for himself.
It's much the same with teaching as I'm sure you've found. If you're polite and caring and give praise where it's due then pupils behave well or accept it as fair when you need to tell them off.

AlexLK

For those interested I got the exam results back for my son (and other music pupils); fantastic set of results all round.

Son and I played his exam pieces to Mrs. K. this evening for the last time (probably).

kelpie35 wrote: »

I can understand that to a point.

Little K is a very intelligent child. I know he adores you so you can maybe work on their relationship together.

I do understand the "respect" bit but it is not something that cannot be changed, with hard work from your wife and support from you.

I do hope these things can be worked out because you are a lovely little family.

You all have so much love to give each other, so don't lose faith that things will work out.

Take care

Thanks, Kelpie.

I have spoken to my wife this evening. I think she does want a proper relationship with him as she mentioned my father telling her she'll potentially regret her actions in years to come before telling me she finds spending time with him alone difficult as I've not organised (or thought) anything to do. She did amuse me when I asked her what she would like to do with a couple of hours of free time and she came up with painting, listening to music and going for a drive - it took me telling her our son would love to spend time doing all three of those with her and she was surprised. :rotfl:

Also asked her if it was unreasonable for me to expect to have my dinner 10 minutes after arriving home on the parents evening / concert occasions... she was a bit sheepish about that.

maman wrote: »

Respect has to be earned Alex and MrsK won't get that by avoiding spending time with him. He's a bright lad and I'm sure he's worked things out for himself.
It's much the same with teaching as I'm sure you've found. If you're polite and caring and give praise where it's due then pupils behave well or accept it as fair when you need to tell them off.

:rotfl: Definitely something which crosses over between parenting and teaching!

Red-Squirrel_2

Your wife sounds terrified of being alone with her son. I do feel for her, but it needs to be overcome for both of their sakes, and yours!

You mention painting, is that something that could become their shared thing that they bond over, as you do with his music? Often musical children are talented at other arts too and if your wife can teach him some techniques I bet he'd be delighted to learn, and it would give them something to focus on besides each other and the awkwardness they must both feel during their time alone together.

Of course you aren't going to send him away, he's your child and he belongs at home with his parents!

maman

Many Congratulations to LittleK :T. You must be so proud.


Glad you've had that conversation with MrsK. If it helps her to plan an activity in advance then so be it. Involving LittleK in the decision would help too as it would show him that his mum is thinking about him. But that's hardly necessary between collecting him from your cousin and bedtime. They could just potter about, maybe in the kitchen!;)