The Garden Fence - help and support in tough times

ivyleaf

nm Sorry I forgot to say, I was so pleased to read your good news

nursemaggie

Nowhere is home to me either. Lost count of how many times I have moved around the 35 mark. I tent to miss some out when I try to count them. Shortest was 3 weeks.

We came back from an RAF posting, only been there 10 weeks, got a flat two rooms really, which took us 3 weeks to clean. Were told before we got the flat we would never get a quarter. Husband on leave and I needed a new job so delayed getting one. We cleaned for about 16 hours a day.Was a shared bathroom so we had to have a bucket as it was so dirty it made you vomit. (you had to take what you could get those days). Took us weeks to find that. We moved in on Sunday. My ex went back to work Monday. We were offered a a quarter that day. It took about 3 weeks to do the paperwork and get they key or it would have been one night.

mardatha

I feel most at home up in the north west of Scotland, and also in the west of Ireland. I've never actually lived in either place but my mum was Irish. It must be the Celtic twilight that pulls me to lonely misty hills & glens. With a sweetie shop round the corner, naturally!

monnagran

I loathe and detest cliches, but one I find to be true is "home is where the heart is."
When you put your heart somewhere or with someone, that is home, wherever it happens to be.
If your heart has gone AWOL, or is in freefall, it is hard to find a home anywhere.

I have always made a home for someone else, partners, friends, family, now, for the first time in my life I am about to make a home for myself. This is scary and exciting because I find that I am not at all sure who I am. It will be fun finding out.

I will be so happy to see the family back on Sunday night. Looking after 2 dogs is more nerve racking than being responsible for 45 under-5 yearolds. Mad dalmatian was very, very sick this afternoon. Investigation turned up the fact that she had eaten a whole tube of baby cream. Goodness knows how she got hold of it. However, a friend who has one of Dora's sister's took them both down to the beach this morning. Apparently the dogs were delighted to find a large, dead dog fish down there. Just the thing to use for a tug-of-war apparently, and disgusting to watch.

I'm having a duvet day on Monday to recover.

x

ETA: When I say that Dora ate a whole tube of baby cream I have to admit that she ate all the contents but only half the tube.......The cap end of course.

moneyistooshorttomention

...and another possible definition of "Home" is "Where your own personal way of life is commonplace" imo.

One litmus test thing where I am now is checking out Facebook pages - and noting it's very common indeed for people here to make a thing of major photo up there indicating "Who they think they are" is one of them getting married and/or their children.

Which does come up as sharp contrast to Facebook pages where its the norm to put up Facebook pages about themselves individually - and might mention families they are in (which is what I'm used to personally).

But one has to bear in mind that "Home" by definition has to be somewhere that one feels safe and there might be a choice to be faced between "different ways of defining oneself" (ie in accordance with relationships one is in - rather than at a personal level iyswim) on the one hand and defining oneself as an individual (but not feeling safe) on the other hand. You pays your money and takes your choice imo.

I know what I mean - but it's sometimes difficult to explain ....

[Deleted User]

Home is where I can be ME, it's where any mask I wear for societys benefit can be dropped and I can truly be the real person that God made me. It's not smart, it's not beautiful inside or out but it's ours, we've put it together with love, we've laughed in it, we've cried in it, we've raised kids in it, had dogs, lost dogs in it, grown our garden and been content in it but it's not the bricks and mortar that makes it home it's US, being here because we need each other, because we're friends and making what we have into the best we can.....Oh yes that's home!

nursemaggie

I was not talking about houses but places. for a long time Anglesey was a place I thought of as home although we only lived there 3 years. I't no longer feels like home as I have not been back for many years. The home I was going to was the Church where I became a Christian.

I don't think I have ever developed a sense of home. I had moved 4 or 5 times by the time I was 4 years old. This flat feels like home when I come back from anywhere but I did not chose it as somewhere to live, because we would have been homeless a if we had turned it down and it would have been where we would have been put for temporary accommodation. I don't think I could have coped with two moves in a few months.

I am not well enough at the moment to move again yet and DS says he is happy to stay here while he is at uni.

karcher

karcher wrote: »

Interesting one Monna.

Where is home?

For me it was the second home I lived in as a child for 10 years (just around the corner from the first). I never understood why we moved at the time, then as the years passed it became apparent it was a huge mistake.


Many decades later, I don't think I'll ever be able to call anywhere 'home'.

I suppose I was reflecting on the past when I saw your post Monna and it made me ponder where home is for me.

It's never changed, it's where I spent my childhood: both the house and the area were and always will be 'home'. There is no way I would ever be able to live there again and a part of me is saddened by that. I think it's because it was a 'home' with family that I felt was ripped away from me and where I ended up wasn't somewhere I wanted to be and most of my 'family' were elsewhere.

I have made a 'home' of sorts for myself since, was in the same place for a few decades..but it wasn't really my 'home'. As others have said it can be more to do with the people around you, the ones you love and hold dear, that makes a place your home...but when you are alone those sentiments mean little. For me, my home is both a specific place and house.

Saying that, no matter where I am, my '4 walls' are my safe haven. I can do what I want when I want with no-one to answer to (because there is no-one else here); ignore knocks on the door or the telephone ringing: I can just be me...but that doesn't make it home.

Hard_Up_Hester

Monna, yes, my home is where CHS is, for when I'm not wishing to kill him, I still love him desperately.
I feel very fortunate that after 17 years, we still feel the same way about each other, I know 3 or 4 couples who got together when we did and none are still together..

nursemaggie

That's brilliant Hester.

Right this moment I do not feel safe at all. Someone keeps hammering on my door fit to knock it down. How did they get in the building and why is DS not waking up?