Please help me - re: Housing

Curious_George_2

TheWaltons wrote: »

I wont put up with being insulted by anyone.

and so you shouldnt, but i think you need to pick your moments a bit better!
Elle sounds like she is going through it at the moment, overwhelmed and at a bit of a loss... its enough to make anyone a stroppy cow to be honest!

TheWaltons wrote: »

she needs help

and it sounds like she is trying to get it, but telling her she is off her trolley and constantly whinging isnt going to help anyone,

This place has gone a bit mental lately... i think its the heat

TheWaltons_3

Curious_George wrote: »

and so you shouldnt, but i think you need to pick your moments a bit better!
Elle sounds like she is going through it at the moment, overwhelmed and at a bit of a loss... its enough to make anyone a stroppy cow to be honest!

And people are trying to help her. I mentioned the points thing because I know years ago people used to get more points for being depressed etc - I was being helpful and she threw it in my face. I didn't have to waste my time posting.


and it sounds like she is trying to get it, but telling her she is off her trolley and constantly whinging isnt going to help anyone,

I am not suggesting she is off her Trolley by any means, but by reading through her posts, it's not just me she's been getting at, and where is the fairness in that? She sounds like an extremely stressed out Mum who takes every comment and twists it around to make out people are getting at her.

This place has gone a bit mental lately... i think its the heat

No heat here?

hev_2

Elle - I am sorry I cannot give any positive advice, but I am sending you hugs and hope you feel better soon. I really admire your determination to keep going and look after your son, and I hope that some good luck turns up for you soon.

Hev

Nicki

Hi Elle

I don't have any experience of the housing situation where you live so can't help there but was struck by the comment which was made to you about never getting a house just a flat. Unless this was written down, and forms part of official council policy I would disregard it tbh. I had an experience recently where I was applying for a summer playscheme placement for my disabled child and was told by the social worker that I had no chance of being offered one as all the places were inevitably offered only to children at risk and to single parent families. I was majorly upset and depressed by this but much to my surprise very shortly afterwards was offered 2 weeks on the scheme no questions asked, and the person running it was horrified I'd been told what I had as there was no truth in it. I think sometimes these officials just say the first thing which comes into their heads, particularly if they are having a bad day or it fits in with their own political agenda, oblivious to the effect it will have on the person to whom they are speaking.

The only other practical thing to suggest is posting on the Homes and Renting board re the terms of your lease. I'm pretty sure the requirement to replace the carpets is not a legal term of the contract and could be challenged unless you have trashed them, and it may well be that it would not cost you as much as you think to get out of this situation.

Sorry I can't offer more help. Hope you feel better soon. Is your little one feeling better after his teething/nappy rash problems? If he's still grizzly and uncomfortable that won't help how you are feeling about things in general.

skintas_2

i also have mental health issues i have a social worker. have you tried goin to them and explaining how your situation is stressing you out and what help they can offer you.maybe some respite care, like take your son out, give you some me time. help you with fighting your case to get re housed , stating how stressed it is making you. surely this would give you some extra points to be re housed, good luck skintas x x

Outnumberedbysmallpeople

I know it's a longshot but do you have a YMCA in your town/area- I ask because often these own houses/housing and rent at a low rate to the under 26's and do have accomodation suitable for those with kids, many of the mothers with kids in my 2nd eldest's nursery class are living in our local YMCA development with 1 or more children.

In reguards to councils it is very frustrating but it really is often a case of biding your time- does your council work on a waiting list basis or choice based lettings scheme, often those with less points fare better in the choice based lettings scheme (where properties are advertised and you get to choice which ones you "bid" for- if you're the person with the highest points applying for that house you get it even if you weren't top of the list, it tends to work in favour of those who will make the effort to bid.)

Also apply direct to housing associations even if the council says they refer you if you tick on their forms, some housing associations do also have their own waiting lists and when they build new developments/have old properties vacated they pick a % from the council list and a % from their own. If you have any near by churches do enquire locally as to if they own property- in small towns/villages it's quite common for them to have several properties they let out.

TheWaltons_3

Elle83 wrote: »

TheWaltons you do this to so many people and why you continue to post on my threads after I've made it clear previously that your "advice" offends me I don't understand.

I don't know what you are on about there. In life you meet people you don't get agree with, and people you do.

I also can't understand why you are now posting that you are up to your neck in debts either when most of your posts revolve around you telling other people that you are raising your three children for mere pennies and enjoy a superiour standard of living with your wonderful husband and thrifty home. Does raising children on thin air and spending your evenings talking filth to complete strangers via your sex line not make your financial situation liveable? And what with your never spending a penny on yourself, well I just don't understand why you're even in debt. Ordinarily I have sympathy for those in debt because it must be a hard thing to live with hanging over their heads but I'm just totally shocked at the horrendous attitude you've displayed towards mental health illness.

Horrendous attitude? :rotfl: Shocked? What a complete exaggeration!

I am in debt because of setbacks with our family business. Which is still running nicely thanks to our effort. Instead of whinging about it, I make damn sure that I do work hard on the phone sex lines at evenings, which you say with such distaste, however, that just goes to show how willing I AM to actually make my situation liveable. We are doing far better and can see light at the end of the Tunnel now but we work very hard to do so. We don't sit back and let life crash all around us. Like many others on the other thread, with kids, texting away on sex lines and doing the phones. I have made good money in 3 weeks and am PROUD OF IT. My children are in full time childcare whilst I work, so yeah I can write as many posts on here a day. Where is your child when you are posting? I have no doubts about my parenting skills thanks you Elle, you will find it's not me posting for advice for my chidren.

Why don't you get some home work? You're claiming you are skint, so why not take a second job? Too easy? Can't be bothered? Beneath you?

In life Elle83, if you want something, you go and get it and I have utmost respect for those women working 2 and 3 jobs to clear their debt and raise their families. You also mention the word debt with distaste, so why come to this site and associate with people you deem as beneath you?

You are the one making a mockery out of Mental Illness. You don't know how lucky you are. So you can't cope with your circumstances, and that makes you Mentally ill? Your circumstances are what is depressing you, would you still feel like this if everything was going your way and you were living on a Beach in Barbados with you child, without a care in the World. A person with a true Mental illness would be depressed even on that lovely Beach.

The things you have come out with are just nasty and really do show your true feelings towards other people; the same feelings I've noticed lurk behind most of your patronising posts. As CG pointed out - you "trot around on your high horse", persistantly as though you have no problems of your own so instead you seem to spend all of your time on this forum dictating to everyone else in the hope that maybe you can solve everyone else's problems even if you can't solve your own. I mean your average post count is 8.62 per DAY. Where do you find time to raise these cheap children of yours?

As mentioned above, they are in childcare whilst we work damn hard to provide a nice home for them.

I'm sorry because I know some of those comments are nearly as bad but I just cannot believe anyone would be so downright malicious to someone suffering from a bout of depression in need of a bit of the encouragement and support she quite obviously spends a lot of time offering to other people.


Please point out where I have been downright malicious - I read your post paying no particular attention to who had written it, and replied with advice. YOU were rude.


And why anyone who has no experience of mental health difficulties thinks they have any right to judge I really don't know. People with depression just "whinge all the time" do they? And self-harmers, they do it "just to get attention" right? Those that starve themselves, well, they should just bloody well eat something shouldn't they? And god help compulsive over-eaters "well just put the mars bar down sweetie, it's not so hard, I mean if everyone else is thin why can't you be?"

Oh dear, you have no idea what I know about Mental illness but I can guarantee I know more about Mental Illness first hand than you will ever know. Why do you want the tag of being Mentally ill Elle, stress isn't a Mental Illness like this. Having suffered with extreme anxiety and stress, brought on by past life events - inclusing living with 2 Schizophrenic adults for many years as a child, and not knowing what was fact from fiction - I can safely comment about Mental Illness. Oh, and having worked in an EMA nursing home for several years with the most extreme cases of Mental Illnesss. I know nothing.

Funnily enough, when I started reacting extremely, I believed myself to be crazy and begged my RMN friend to get me sectioned. He laughed at me. Several years down the line, with coping tactics I do all alone, I am only inclined to get anxiety when not eating properly.

You can say what you like about the nappy rash thread but I was perfectly clear in my opening post what I had tried and what advice I was after; I thanked those that offered relevant advice and I apologised to the person I felt I was unnecessarily curt towards. I am quite happy to take any advice that doesn't revolve around things I have blatantly stated I have already tried and always thank or update people where necessary. But why do some people bother to post things the OP has already said aren't relevant/needed/appropriate? If you have nothing constructive to add to a thread or you can't be bothered to read the whole thing - don't add to it just to ensure your name is down to show you're a super-regular who has an opinion on every subject.

While we're being so downright hateful and personal, why exactly do you keep posting and gloating on the CSA and Benefits boards about how you're happily married and don't claim benefits on a daily basis? I cannot believe how you keep telling everyone "what's so hard about being a single Mum? It's much harder being a family on a low income considering we all deserve more than you because we work so hard". You were told by at least ten different posters what is so hard about it but here you are again, knocking me for finding it hard being a lone parent. And yet you sympathise so greatly with absent Fathers who abandon their families is what really gets me! Hmmm, don't suppose your husband has kids from a previous marriage at all does he? 'Cos I'm willing to put money on that one.

I know single Mothers younger than you who cope just fine and accept their situation, and also accept that it's not everybody elses fault. Your negativity will always hold you back.

I do not gloat about absent Fathers, so nice try Elle, I have made many posts, and I know both sides of the CSA coin and have dealt with the MP to trace an absent Father for my close friend - a very happy single Mother with a young child who works and would be grateful for £10 a month if it meant her childs Dad was paying for her.

I just can't believe anyone would be so downright nasty to someone who is quite obviously on the verge of an emotional breakdown. I've spent the afternoon in tears on and off and came here for help and support as much as constructive advice on how to overcome a set of problems I just can't seem to find a way out of. I cannot believe you would tell someone who is in a bad situation through no fault of their own that it's tough luck and try to compare yourself like it's some kind of competition as to who as the worse life.

On the verge of an emotional breakdown? Is that your own diagnosis?

You are in this situation through no fault of your own? I am not saying that you are, however, every day we make choices, why can't you realise that? This is about being an adult. Why have you got such a chip on your shoulder?

I just can't cope with the spitefulness of it. A lot of the users of this forum are just so wonderful. They do their best to offer constructive and helpful advice and they do their best to be tactful, sympathetic and diplomatic where the situation calls for it. :T

But there are posters like you who are clearly very unhappy with your life but come on here trying to feel superiour to those less fortunate to try to make yourself feel better. I know why you do it but it doesn't make it any easier to cope with.

It's not about people expecting to hear what they want to hear; it's about people showing consideration for the feelings of others and thinking before they post things that are irrelevant or patronising or spiteful or condescending where sensitive issues are concerned. You and one or two others just seem to take this great pleasure in kicking people when they're down and dressing it up as "advice" that is rarely ever any help whatsoever. People only thank you because they mistakenly believe you have made the effort rather than having actually gained anything from your excessive advice.

Anyway, I just had to say my piece on that one. Thank you again to those that have had useful suggestions to make and like I said before, I have taken them on board. I spoke to the town councillor tonight and told her I think it's time to let the matter drop but she said that there's something else she would like to do and asked for my permission to take my case to the "profiler". Not quite sure what one of those is but hell, if she thinks it might help then bless her for trying. I took some good advice from my GP and I have got a back up plan ready for if/when the town councillor fails (though of course I think she's brilliant for trying so hard - and she understands because she has a toddler too). I am going to sell off the bulk of my possessions to raise funds, re-house my cats to widen my options (god don't get me started again!) and take out a loan to move to a different short-term private let with more space, better utilities and a safer room for DS.

I won't be posting anymore though. That's not some sympathy vote to get everyone to PM me madly going "oh please don't leave!". It's because I don't feel able to cope with the nastiness and superiourity that always worms it's way in when you ask for help on this board and am better off keeping it to myself rather than creating more stress. Thanks again though, I honestly do appreciate the vast majority of responses on here and have taken a good deal of comfort and sensible, helpful advice from these boards. Take care MSEers x.

Oh how pathetic. You call yourself older and wiser, yet act like a complete spoilt Brat who is too much on her own high horse to accept good advice. So you wont be posting anymore because you dont like the advice given, and get nasty with people for trying to help - so what if people post the same things, they are offering you the advice you requested.

Grow up girl, you are 23 and have alot of years left on this planet and if you don't change your attitude, those years will be very unhappy.

There are people in this World with nothing. Nothing whatsoever, people on the OS board scrimping evey penny and genuinly making the effort to save money.
You have a few bad days and feel that gives you the right to insult people. You don't know you are born, you have a roof over your head and a job yet YOU THINK THE WORLD OWES YOU A LIVING. You think you are the only single Mother out there? You think you are the only one with a NRP who is rubbish???

Farewell Elle, we will see whether you continue to post, and I have no doubt how helpful I can be with people. You reckon I have been thanked so many times for being obnoxious? :rotfl: :T

daphne_descends

Oh dear - The Waltons - why oh why couldn't you just leave it?

hev_2

I have to say that I usually skip anything posted by The Waltons.

FWIW Good Luck Elle, I hope all goes well for you.

SeptemberBaby_2

Best of luck, Elle, for you and your little boy x