How Can I Pretend To Be a Responsible Mother?

moomoomama27

Firstly there is no shame in admitting you're finding life hard right now. There is no shame in having a mental health problem either and it DOES NOT make you a bad mother, in fact imo it makes you a good one, you've recognised you need help and are not coping too well, and are accepting of support.

Everyone has bad days, and considering what additional stresses you are experiencing now I wouldn't be being so hard on myself!

Take the support that's offered, and try and break down things into manageable chunks, that way things don't seem so overwhelming.

[Deleted User]

Oh well, tried to repair things. Collect my pass as need to collect older son tonight from College. Ex phoned the people who had it and told me it would be dropped off at the civic centre soon after 2. I raced up there. Not there. Civic centre people phoned the person concerned, he said he was on his way. I said I'd come back later, I couldn't meet him. They said he couldn't just drop off the pass. I'd have to take it off him.

Started panicking again. Had already explained what happened to Civic Centre people (that I panicked when told about the fine and the arrestable criminal offenses I'd committed - I remember that phrase even if most of it is a blur).., was panicking again. They just told me to go and sit 'over there'. Knew I couldn't meet this person again so apologised and said I couldn't and tried to get through automatic sliding doors that wouldn't open. Everything was just making me panic more.

Ex has now totally lost patience with me. Understandably.

I have had panic attacks before.., but very rarely. I know they are controllable., theoretically. I know that there is 'nothing to fear but fear' but it doesn't seem to mean much right now.

And of course, I now feel worse. Chump, Chump, chump.

KatieDee

Firstly, before anything else, you need to stop putting yourself down for having (somewhat) natural responses to uncomfortable situations :rotfl:

You sound similar to me, in the sense that it only takes one tiny thing to unnerve you, and it can all unravelled! I wouldn't call it normal, but it's far more common than you think! You've had a stressful situation and have reacted to it in a way you are used to - this doesn't make you a bad mother or a bad person. Yes, you may have looked a bit silly but the person you ran away from will have probably forgotten all about the incident by now (or may still be having a bit of a chuckle at it!).

Everything is relative...it's one tiny event in a larger scheme of things.

Take half an hour tonight and just focus on calming yourself down. Sometimes it can help to write things down (like you have done on this forum!) and read how insignificant it all is. Relax as best you can, do something you enjoy doing and try and forget the whole thing happened.

Your priorities at the moment are to look for alternative housing (which you are receiving support for, by the sounds of it) and to focus on both your own and your sons wellbeing. At the end of it all you will hopefully have a new place to live and will be able to focus on settling down, which will make things a lot easier.

As silly as it sounds, the entire thing is a challenge and a journey - there are going to be hiccups on the way but it's how you cope with them that will determine the outcome. I would try and get an appointment with your doctor to discuss your anxiety and panic attacks, as you may benefit from therapy or medication.

Please remember that your social worker is there to support you and won't think badly of you for seeking more help. You need to look after yourself

Best of luck!