Attending parties as a single

janb5

Wilma33 wrote: »

I find it odd that your friends wouldn't be happy for you to bring a friend. Presumably they would be happy for you to bring a partner if you had one so what is the difference? If it's about money then could you offer to pay for you or your friend?

I understand what you say but it is a three course meal in a restaurant and likely to be expensive. The hostess is paying for everyone because she want to. To take another person is not an option.

theoretica

janb5 wrote: »

The trouble is there`s no escape route and the happy marrieds don't realize what a prune you feel sitting on a table where the only people you know are the hosts and their children( who have partners of their own!)

Can you talk to your friend about your concerns, and especially the seating plan? If couples are sat next to each other, as they tend to do if there is no plan, and talk to each other because they know each other, it can indeed be rather tedious as a single person. But also there isn't much of a vibe to the event - they can talk to their partners any evening. If you can get her to put effort into the seating plan and mix up couples so conversation flows more generally and you are put next to people because she thinks you have enough in common for a good conversation then it is a very different event - for everyone, not just the singles.

KxMx

Jeez, not everyone is happy to be single, and not everyone is happy going to events as a single surrounded by couples (which can be very very lonely), it's not a crime to feel that way, the way some posters seem to be suggesting!

OP suggests that she's not enjoyed events in the past as a single, perhaps she has tried all the well meaning, but slightly condescending, suggestions about making an effort and still not had a good time.

purpleshoes_2

KxMx wrote: »

Jeez, not everyone is happy to be single, and not everyone is happy going to events as a single surrounded by couples (which can be very very lonely), it's not a crime to feel that way, the way some posters seem to be suggesting!

OP suggests that she's not enjoyed events in the past as a single, perhaps she has tried all the well meaning, but slightly condescending, suggestions about making an effort and still not had a good time.

If you do feel so uncomfortable then why not just decline the offer to start with? I dont see the point of accepting it and then wanting to decline at a later date.

I remember going to one wedding where I was sat next to my ex bf, whose new gf turned up at the evening reception. I had to watch them snogging the face off one another for hours.

It wasn't the best night out I ever had, but I stuck it out because I wanted to see my mate get married. I didnt know in advance that I was to be seated next to him and later on she did this oh no, Im really sorry, didn't think.

Its a couple of hours out of your life, even in the most awkward I feel like rubbish scenario, all you need to do is weigh up, do I want to go or not, if not, make your excuses at the time, its a bit daft to accept and then say, I want to get out of it.

As I said before, there have been invitations Ive declined, but Ive sent a present and I havent felt bad about it.

duchy

It's hardly condescending to suggest an adult weighs up the pros and cons and then either accepts or declines accordingly.

The OP is either just having a moan -in which case doesn't really want suggestions -or feels she should go and wants strategies to deal with her social discomfort- which is what she got.

KxMx wrote: »

Jeez, not everyone is happy to be single, and not everyone is happy going to events as a single surrounded by couples (which can be very very lonely), it's not a crime to feel that way, the way some posters seem to be suggesting!

OP suggests that she's not enjoyed events in the past as a single, perhaps she has tried all the well meaning, but slightly condescending, suggestions about making an effort and still not had a good time.

Bella73

OP do you actually want to go or do you feel you ought to go?

If it is the former then I personally would push myself to attend the meal and then leave, however, if you feel you ought to go but are really not keen then I would just send a regret card. You do not have to explain your reasons just sorry cannot come.

I was single for about five years before meeting my now hubby and there have been some things I was happy to attend of my own and others that I just didn't want to go to and couples things can to be honest make you feel lonely so I do understand.

You could always celebrate with your friend another evening go out for a nice meal or whatever. I certainly wouldn't go if I was going to worry myself silly about it beforehand as life is too short.

Yorkie1

KxMx wrote: »

Jeez, not everyone is happy to be single, and not everyone is happy going to events as a single surrounded by couples (which can be very very lonely), it's not a crime to feel that way, the way some posters seem to be suggesting!

OP suggests that she's not enjoyed events in the past as a single, perhaps she has tried all the well meaning, but slightly condescending, suggestions about making an effort and still not had a good time.

OP asked for advice from others in similar situations.

She got it.

She appears determined to stick to her view that she will hate it. Nobody says that's a crime. It's entirely fine but makes seeking the advice completely pointless.

gettingtheresometime

KxMx wrote: »

Jeez, not everyone is happy to be single, and not everyone is happy going to events as a single surrounded by couples (which can be very very lonely), it's not a crime to feel that way, the way some posters seem to be suggesting!

OP suggests that she's not enjoyed events in the past as a single, perhaps she has tried all the well meaning, but slightly condescending, suggestions about making an effort and still not had a good time.

I've often wondered about this 'couple' thing - even when I've been sat next to OH I very rarely spend time talking to him and probably even less time dancing with him as he's not one for the dance floor!

The advice I'd give the OP is this :

Life is not a 800 metre race, who knows who she will meet or what it will lead to .....worse case she'll spend 3-4 hrs of her life that she'll never get back ....or alternatively they may be the start of something magical

girlsmum

I have not been to many functions as a single person where the rest are couples.. i don't tend to get invited
I did go to a friends wedding, but took my children and she put me at a table with other single people and people i knew.

I must admit even when i used to go out as a couple it used to always end up with 2 groups one of women and one of the men.

It depends on you, if you feel uncomfortable being their on your own then politely decline.

VfM4meplse

OP, you need to understand that if you duck out of this event the chances are you won't be invited again. Why don't you be honest and explain your predicament to the host? They may be able to arrange the seating plan to put you amongst other unaccompanied guests, male or female. Personally I would go and have fun. Don't let fear / previous experiences put you off. This is primarily a celebration, so go out and celebrate good times!