Need help/advice please

marisco_2

I would suggest going a long time with no contact at all. Sporadically meeting up with him, phone calls, texts or seeing what is going on in his life via facebook etc will only delay your healing process. Give yourself a chance to really get over the relationship that you had and to move on with your life. It takes way more than a few months to feel fully okay after being in love with someone for so long.

raven83

You definitely need to cut all contact OP. All this meeting up and talking is just going to cut deeper and you are clearly not ready to just be friends.

I would delete off Facebook, block his number and get on with your life without this person in your head. Take time in being you and getting on and enjoying your life, then when and if you are fully over him then maybe you could be friends. But in the meantime, you are not doing yourself no favours in holding onto this friendship, it will just leave you feeling worse and you are gaining nothing from that.

meritaten

it was too soon for you to 'test yourself' by seeing him again. far too soon. it can take months or even years before you can get your emotions under control.
by seeing him so soon you brought all the 'feelings' back and now are back to square one. its tough isn't it? but you did it once and you can do it again.
make it a bit easier on yourself this time by cutting all contact. and do not be tempted to test yourself again - because the very thought of doing this means you are NOT over him!

[Deleted User]

I had someone who I loved, we had a relationship for a couple of years, but to be honest knew from day one that we both had different things we wanted from life. It was my first 'good' relationship though, he was a kind man, something I hadn't know before. We were friends as well as lovers.

We did split up, we did still love each other. Eventually he found someone else and it cut me to the quick (I hadn't). A few years after that we had a brief fling again (both single).., and it was like meeting a familiar stranger.., one I had known but now had nothing in common with. Which is what it was really.

We now just have occasional contact on facebook. No emotions involved at all. But its taken years.

You know friendship is no go with him. You don't want to lose what you had with him. But you can have friendships (maybe of different kinds) with other people. You can have relationships with other people. They will be different, but just as important to you. They may not tug at your heart strings as much as this relationship did, but they can be just as deep.., just not the same. Part of the tugging at the heart strings may be the knowledge that the relationship was never going to work long term. The unobtainable etc. Human nature is a funny thing.

I'd agree that its best to have no contact with him. Its very hard, but any contact will just hurt you a little bit more. Move away and move on, keep at it and you will move on and find something else, even if it takes time.

mrsscattercushion

Hi, I hope you are having a better day..

Would I contact him again? No, I don't think so. Looking back, he had so many issues and I would be the would be the one trying to help him, protect him, almost rescue him from his demons. At an immense emotional cost to me. The coping strategies I used to get through the times we were together were not healthy. Time, and being married now to an amazing man has allowed me to see things much clearer.

There is the old adage about people being in your life for a season, for a reason etc....the time I had with him has shaped me in many ways, which I'm thankful for and without him, in a strange way, I wouldn't now be with my husband. But i would never want to go back...

I wish you the best of luck, take things a day at a time and be kind to yourself x

tesuhoha

They say if you love someone let them go, if they come back to you, you will always have their heart, if they don't then it was never meant to be.

No contact is the best option here definitely. If he doesn't love you then at least you will keep your dignity and make a clean break. Also no contact will give him a chance to miss you if there is the remotest possibility that he does have feelings for you.

Either way, its best all round if you have nothing to do with him as others have said.

Rosco32

Thanks so much everyone for your replies, support and kind words. It really does mean a lot, so thank you. I'm feeling ok (ish) today. Im just finding it so damn hard to let go. I love the bones of this man, I wish I didn't but I do. I know I have to not see him and I'm not going to, as much as it hurts to admit that. I feel like I've lost not just my soul mate but my best friend too. All I can do right now is try to focus on other things I guess. Gosh this is hard :-(

Rosco32

mrsscattercushion wrote: »

Hi, I hope you are having a better day..

Would I contact him again? No, I don't think so. Looking back, he had so many issues and I would be the would be the one trying to help him, protect him, almost rescue him from his demons. At an immense emotional cost to me. The coping strategies I used to get through the times we were together were not healthy. Time, and being married now to an amazing man has allowed me to see things much clearer.

There is the old adage about people being in your life for a season, for a reason etc....the time I had with him has shaped me in many ways, which I'm thankful for and without him, in a strange way, I wouldn't now be with my husband. But i would never want to go back...

I wish you the best of luck, take things a day at a time and be kind to yourself x

Thank you! I'm glad you moved on and are married now. Just hope I can get through this too! X

meritaten

it is hard Rosco - but, for your own sake it has to be done. the old advice is the best - keep busy, make new friends and one day it wont hurt so much and in time you will find it doesn't hurt at all.
But if you dwell on things, find reasons to keep tabs on him or think about 'testing' yourself...........well, its like picking a scab on your knee, it wont heal and will eventually fester. not healthy.

Rosco32

I know you are right meritaten, thank you. I certainly could do with making some new friends and I would actually really like to, as I guess some old friends dropped off my radar when I moved and met my ex, just need to find a way to do that. I'm finding that I'm feeling lonely cause I don't have many friends, none that I feel really close to or see regularly, so it feels like I'm isolating myself a bit. I'm now a heavy gym goer, which I enjoy and I get along with my personal trainer well, so that could be a new friendship. I'm also thinking about going to some of the gym classes as I guess you'll soon get used to the regular faces and that might help too? Someone told me to try Pilates as it's supposed to be good for stress so might give that a go too :-)