Always Pass on What You Have Learned

wishus

Well the radiator might be off, but he now has an hour and a half to finish his coursework... and appears to be watching TV downstairs. Give me strength!

EDIT: Just had word from one of my freelance clients that I'm getting some money tomorrow. Hooray, money for my trip!
Is the universe finally listening?

OH says he's got 20 minutes of his programme left.

wishus

I just want to say thanks for the kind words everyone. It means a lot.

wishus

So, we're in December! My laptop is having a turn when it comes to connecting to the internet, so hopefully won't lose this post...

OH's loft den is now closed for the winter. No more oil heater mishaps! The dining area has been cleared of clutter and he can work there. Hopefully he will find some confidence to try to get a Christmas job, but he may well not and I need to be prepared for that. I have plenty of work to do...

Bullet dodged... thought I was going to have to pay for repair to the boiler at my old house, but things seems to have been fixed via instruction over the phone. Good! Cross fingers it doesn't fail... it shouldn't... it was only serviced in September and is only 19 months old.

Despite the tight circumstances, I'm feeling quite Christmassy. I popped to Sainsbob's tonight and picked up a pack of mince pies (which will be 'free' after cashback from Quidco) and I will take those into work tomorrow. Also grabbed a 'free' tonic... and tonight we have eaten 'free' cod fillets, which were lovely. :money:

Tomorrow first of my pre-arranged Christmas socials. I'm turning down my book club and arts club. This one is at the cheapest Balti in town... and BYOB! :beer:

I haven't fully decided on two other meetings this month... one is a good one for freelance, but not absolutely necessary to be at... but it's in a pub. The other is supporting a friend at an event, but would be social. That's in a caf! (that serves booze). As much as it grieves me, I might have to skip those, and I know OH won't be upset.

I do have my works Christmas party too next week, which is a pig to get to, but will be a free bar. :beer:

And finally, best friend's birthday. A milestone one. She knows we can't afford much, but she would like to be out and in company, and that's the least we can do.

Busy time of year, isn't it?

wishus

Feeling so sad... and tired. I'm working, and wanted to get one project done tonight, but I'd better stop before it gets riddled with errors. Not much more on that one. If only it were just that one...

Feeling so sad that OH is so broken. He gets up when it's already dark. He is doing less coursework... his work is overdue, though not beyond absolute deadline. He's not seeing the sun, not coping well with meds... feels pressured to accept social invites we absolutely can't afford to take up. He has not forgotten, but sort of put aside the thought that his insurances are due and it's his brother's birthday - a milestone. And he has no money. And I have my tax bill money, accountant fee and nothing else. Will wait for my rent to come in, and hopefully that will cover what he needs, but I've asked him for a total and he's carried on just watching TV. I'm trying to get my freelance work done so I can send out invoices.

I can talk to him... we talk... but there's no one else I can talk to. My colleagues need to know I am strong. Hey, it's review time! My friends are all people who could put work my way - so they need to know I am strong, or they won't. And other friends... just as broken. I have to be strong for them too.

Things are fine. They're fine, fine, fine... could be worse... could be facing my big bills and not have that money either... but I plan for these things, right?

I didn't plan for this. Every Christmas has been smaller and tighter than the last, and now it just looks ridiculous. I didn't plan well enough.

I felt happier at the weekend... Christmassy. I made gingerbread (I had half the dough left to make more, but I can't face it, so I've put it in the freezer. Hope it will be okay), saw my poor brain-injured dad and other broken family. What's wrong with us? Surely I should be able to cope by now. At my age. Ridiculous.

Bobarella

Bless you Wishus you sound very worried and stressed. I am sorry things are so hard for you.

wishus

Thank you Bobarella...

I think it has come to a head... I ended up having a stressful moment in front of people he was trying to impress. I'd gone to pick him up from the pub where he had gone to take a friend he had been visiting, so he could take me home with my heavy food shopping, save 2 trips. He got bought a drink to say thank you and so did I when I turned up, but time went on and I started to get flustered. OH was talking with someone who was a friend and someone else, and they were talking about a job at their place. He thought they could get him work... I actually think wrong place, wrong time for that, but he was embarrassed because I said, "I'm sorry, I really have to go home now!" My face and voice were all stressed and sharp.

He is right, I was embarrassing, but all I could think was need to get home, need to hit my deadline. I was still working at 1am this morning. OH helped me to work though by doing angry cooking. Proper angry.

We made up this morning, but I feel like I'm letting everyone down.

I am constantly hot, sick, dizzy (I keep falling over on the stairs at the train station), I keep getting stitch, and I have restless, wakeful nights, and start falling asleep when I need to pay attention. I can't drink anything as I get such bad indigestion I throw up. Positives... I am losing weight, and will soon be in my not-so-big-girl bras again. And more positives... talking, talking, talking.

This is a phase - financially, emotionally... I've just got to work on feeling better as well as getting through.

I've downloaded the calm app. That should help.:A

I'm also going to have a little bit of booze tonight - in my cocoa. Works party - I've decided not to go. I need to unwind!:coffee:

Bobarella

It's horrible when you need to get stuff done and no one else knows how stressed you are feeling at that point.

Slightly concerning the physical symptoms. Have you seen a doctor recently?

Hope the weekend is better to you.

Bob

wishus

Thanks, Bobarella... and it has been.

Friday, I decided to skip my office Christmas party. Free bar, but would have meant spending on buses and maybe taxis, and the local taxi firms have started whacking on their ridiculous fares for hotel/party venue to civilisation. Friends were quoted £25 for a 15 minute journey.

I got in, and OH had got up about 1pm, had a bath and gone straight back to bed. I stayed up with him a little so we could work on syncing sleep a little better and went to bed at 3 after having watched a load of Friday night comedy.

Yesterday, I did work in the morning and suggested I would take a break at half one, pop to the library... he could come with me and make it a Pokehunt.

Pok!mon Go might seem sad, but it has helped enormously with motivating OH to get out of the house and do a bit of exercise.

It was pouring outside, but I said, "Hey, we're not made of sugar" and we went for it. I soon remembered that my walking boots have developed a leak... because I felt my socks start getting soaked... but we got to the library, and I returned 2 books and picked up Mary Beard's SPQR and Ayoade on Ayoade. The place was full of kids doing crafts, and there were Christmas stalls on, but was lovely and welcoming. And we had a cuppa there, which at 50p each was a lot cheaper than going to a caf!. I suggested to OH he might want to take his laptop there and go do work for an hour a day, and I think he's considering it.

OH and I then had a look through the chazzas to see if we could spot something for his brother's 40th. Tempted by a Spider-Man onesie but we've decided to make him a clothes present from stock instead.

We did pick up a pair of bright pink mock-docs for £8. They look brand new! As I have leaky boots this will save my socks! I am making OH wrap them up for me for Christmas though.

I felt less good about getting his brother a card... because we scoured the shops and the only one OH liked turned out to be £2.75 :eek:: And I wouldn't mind but it looks like a 50p one. Ah well, I am making the one for our friend's 40th. It is going to be spectacular.

More work when we got in, plus I made a chilli-beef pizza, completely from scratch, and it was awesome. Plus I used a mulled wine kit from last year and made us a lovely brew to watch a film with - I picked The Man in the Iron Mask, because it's been yeeears! Romance, adventure, jokes, G!rard Depardieu, awesome costumes, swords... what more could you want in a film? Jeremy Irons and John Malkovitch, and Leonardo DiCaprio. Tick, tick, tick. And... the good news, OH has been persuaded against renting out Ghostbusters off the telly for £4. a) because he liked my random pick this evening b) he now knows the library does weekly hire for £2.50, and they had Deadpool and lots of other things he quite fancied, so may have that in one day. Oh my goodness... a lesson in patience!

And just in case it was a bit harsh, I made us a warm-spiced cocoa to watch Andy Parson's Slacktivist with. Yummy!

Still got pains when I went to bed... Bloody stress and anxiety! So I read a bit more of Sarah Pascoe's animals until I felt it go away... (OH was watching YouTube).

OH is still watching YouTube. I would have thought he'd seen all of it by now?:rotfl:

wishus

Ooh... just been reminded. OH is driver tomorrow for a trip to Harry Potter World!

(I am not going, working... )

But food there is expensive, so luckily they let you take your own.

He has put in a request for chilli-beef pasties!

CP2016

Ah wishus, imagine what that place will be like at this time of year - you're well out of it. You can always go in a couple of months when it's quieter and your OH can show you around since he will be the expert.

Take care of yourself - it seems as if you need to be strong for others so your health is especially important. No harm in getting the onceover from the doctor.

Hope you're feeling better soon.