Inappropriate behaviour in the work place.

Valli

The two things I would advise you to do asap are to join a trade union and to keep a diary recording date, time and nature of incidents (and any witnesses, though I doubt there are any).

c0nfus3d

Gavin83 wrote: »

I'm not really sure what your expecting as a solution here. You really have the following options:

1) Put up with it. This clearly isn't really an option.

2) Leave. You seem to suggest this isn't an option either.

3) Tell him his behaviour is making you uncomfortable and hope he stops. This might be the best option. Best case scenario he stops and you can get on with your job. Worst scenario, you get the sack.

4) Report him to the owners. From what you've said it seems they'll be unlikely to get rid of him. Best case scenario they ask him to stop and he does. Worst case scenario they decide to sack you as they consider you 'trouble' and frankly no where near as valuable as the boss.

Were I in your position with what you've said on here I'd probably go with option 3 while looking around for another job, just in case. Of course the fair option would be that he'd get the sack and you could work trouble free. However life isn't fair and this is unlikely to happen.

Sorry I should have been clearer my main concern is that I was over reacting and should just be ignoring it. I think I'm not being unreasonable to not appreciate this behaviour and that's clear now.

I'm going to give option 3 a try.

I wonder if it is possible to anonymously make a complaint to start with if it the above doesn't work.

Thank you again for everyone's responses I feel less like I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Gavin83

c0nfus3d wrote: »

Sorry I should have been clearer my main concern is that I was over reacting and should just be ignoring it. I think I'm not being unreasonable to not appreciate this behaviour and that's clear now.

I'm going to give option 3 a try.

I wonder if it is possible to anonymously make a complaint to start with if it the above doesn't work.

Thank you again for everyone's responses I feel less like I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill.

I don't think your being unreasonable at all. His behaviour is clearly unacceptable and has no place in a working environment. Don't feel your being over the top in your feelings.

However I'm just being realistic here. He probably isn't going to get sacked for his behaviour. Therefore depending on how you think he'll react to it I think speaking to him and making it very clear how uncomfortable he's making you might be the best option. He might honestly believe his actions are nothing more than a bit of fun so hopefully you'll get a result.

Charlotte17

c0nfus3d wrote: »

Thank you for all your replies.

He doesn't own the company but is crucial to its success, before he arrived it was apparently failing miserably. I have been told they will do everything to keep him (those up on high who I've never really met)

I feel indebted to him for various reasons and when he isn't doing this he's okay to work for, which sounds odd I know but I know if he wasn't my boss I wouldn't have my job. I'm good at my job and has nothing to do with my ability to work its just the company are trying to get rid of roles like mine.

His wife knows what he's like. The others who have experienced similar do not wish to report I have tried speaking with them but I think I'm the only one really bothered by it. The joke about it.

I can't go to the police, its just not an option. Please don't think I'm trying to be difficult you advice has opened my eyes. I thought I was being a drama queen but realise this behaviour is unacceptable. I am going to ask for a meeting and discuss how much I don't like this behaviour and if it doesn't end I will have no option to report him.

I think he's a chancer and a womaniser who will get away with whatever he thinks he can. I need to be firm, I don't do well with confrontation which is probably why he thinks he can get away with it.

I think its upsetting me that I cannot tell oh, I don't keep secrets from him and if I'm worried about anything he's my sounding board.

I guess I sound weak

I am sorry but you sound like you are saying sorry for HIS actions.

If he does not own the company you need to get in touch with who does

Also you say
"I feel indebted to him for various reasons"

Gosh a good level of power he has over you then - that sounds very needy indeed

And "he's a chancer and a womaniser who will get away with whatever he thinks he can"

Yes he will get away with what you let him and sorry to say that's your fault as you feel indebted to him! :eek:

Say firmly if he touches you again you are going to CALL the police and say you have been assaulted and they will come out to you.

IF you do not want to take a stand leave or put up with it.

patman99

You state that he is considered crucial to the company. Well, when he does what he does to you to the wrong person and lands himself and his employers in Court, they may well re-consider just how 'crucial' to their success he really is.

MumOf2

c0nfus3d wrote: »

I guess I sound weak

No, you do not sound weak at all. Sexual predators in the workplace are horrible, slimy, arrogant toads. They hurt their victims and they hurt their wives, and if they're outed they hurt their children. They have no conscience at all and, in my experience, exhibit many psychopathic traits.


I've known several of these evil men at high levels in the spheres of medicine and politics. What they get away with is unbelievable. I used to respond to their ridiculous suggestions with a stony face, cold and completely devoid of expression. Responding in any other way just seemed to encourage them. Goodness knows what goes on in their heads. Actually, I don't think I want to know...


You are strong. By all means have a meeting with him to tell him that his behaviour isn't acceptable. I would strongly suggest you tell him that you will take notes during the meeting, that they will be typed up and you would like him to sign them as a true and accurate record. You are signalling that you will no longer countenance his behaviour and you are taking control.


Try to avoid getting personal. A bit ironic, that! I wouldn't mention his wife (as in threatening to tell her) or other people (as in "other women in the company think the same as I do"). Be specific - "It isn't appropriate that you touch any part of my body. I do not wish you do this."; "It isn't appropriate that you invade my personal space. I wish you to stand further away from me when we are talking"; "It isn't appropriate that you look at me in a suggestive way. Please do not do this."


He will deny it, saying that you're imagining it. Or that you enjoy it. Or that you encourage it. Do not respond or engage along these lines. What you are saying is that whatever has happened in the past will not happen from this moment forward.


Finally, tell him that if he does do any of this again, you will be in touch with the police as this is sexual harassment.


Remember that he is the weak one, the pathetic, ridiculous, little boy who can't keep his filthy mind in check.


I really hope this helps, even if just a little bit.


MumOf2
x

c0nfus3d

Valli wrote: »

The two things I would advise you to do asap are to join a trade union and to keep a diary recording date, time and nature of incidents (and any witnesses, though I doubt there are any).

I will be doing this thank you the suggestion.

c0nfus3d

MumOf2 wrote: »

No, you do not sound weak at all. Sexual predators in the workplace are horrible, slimy, arrogant toads. They hurt their victims and they hurt their wives, and if they're outed they hurt their children. They have no conscience at all and, in my experience, exhibit many psychopathic traits.


I've known several of these evil men at high levels in the spheres of medicine and politics. What they get away with is unbelievable. I used to respond to their ridiculous suggestions with a stony face, cold and completely devoid of expression. Responding in any other way just seemed to encourage them. Goodness knows what goes on in their heads. Actually, I don't think I want to know...


You are strong. By all means have a meeting with him to tell him that his behaviour isn't acceptable. I would strongly suggest you tell him that you will take notes during the meeting, that they will be typed up and you would like him to sign them as a true and accurate record. You are signalling that you will no longer countenance his behaviour and you are taking control.


Try to avoid getting personal. A bit ironic, that! I wouldn't mention his wife (as in threatening to tell her) or other people (as in "other women in the company think the same as I do"). Be specific - "It isn't appropriate that you touch any part of my body. I do not wish you do this."; "It isn't appropriate that you invade my personal space. I wish you to stand further away from me when we are talking"; "It isn't appropriate that you look at me in a suggestive way. Please do not do this."


He will deny it, saying that you're imagining it. Or that you enjoy it. Or that you encourage it. Do not respond or engage along these lines. What you are saying is that whatever has happened in the past will not happen from this moment forward.


Finally, tell him that if he does do any of this again, you will be in touch with the police as this is sexual harassment.


Remember that he is the weak one, the pathetic, ridiculous, little boy who can't keep his filthy mind in check.


I really hope this helps, even if just a little bit.


MumOf2
x

Thanks it really does, yes you are entirely right I won't bring anyone else up and that's a great idea to take notes and get him to sign it.

I will have to keep myself in check to not get emotional with my responses should he try and brush me off. I can imagine him responding as you've said it especially enjoying or imagining it :mad:

It does make me cross I can't ever imagine grabbing a guys bum at work even if I wasn't with oh. I just can't grasp on what planet they are, believing its okay, but I have found that this generation (and yes it is a generalisation I know) belittle women in the work place. The younger lads at work have never behaved like this and respect me and my work so there is hope.

c0nfus3d

Charlotte17 wrote: »

I am sorry but you sound like you are saying sorry for HIS actions.

If he does not own the company you need to get in touch with who does

Also you say
"I feel indebted to him for various reasons"

Gosh a good level of power he has over you then - that sounds very needy indeed

And "he's a chancer and a womaniser who will get away with whatever he thinks he can"

Yes he will get away with what you let him and sorry to say that's your fault as you feel indebted to him! :eek:

Say firmly if he touches you again you are going to CALL the police and say you have been assaulted and they will come out to you.

IF you do not want to take a stand leave or put up with it.

Thank you for your input.

Yes he does have power over me and yes it is my fault I am indebted to him. I've been told without him my job would be gone. So yes I am in his debt in that if I'm not careful he could see me as more trouble than I'm worth, but I can try speaking to him and explain how uncomfortable I am.

Charlotte17

c0nfus3d wrote: »

Thank you for your input.

Yes he does have power over me and yes it is my fault I am indebted to him. I've been told without him my job would be gone. So yes I am in his debt in that if I'm not careful he could see me as more trouble than I'm worth, but I can try speaking to him and explain how uncomfortable I am.

Told by whom? He told you that your job would be gone I bet!

If he is touching you he is committing a crime so what you do when he does it next is up to you but I'd tell him I am calling the police.